Living with parents kind of puts the kibosh on dating?

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Here's a little story from my own work experience. I call it "The Parable of the Mental Health Case Worker."

So I had a bipolar client who was easily 40 and still living at home with mom. This was agreed by everyone, including mom, to not be a desirable situation. The animosity between mom and son was substantial. Client did have a government provided, subsistence income, enough to afford low-income housing but not market rate housing. I consulted with my agency. "You can't get him into subsidized housing directly, there's a two year wait and they take the homeless first. . . . his mom will have to kick him out, making him homeless."

I discussed this with mom and son and asked them to let me know. Mom picked a date quite soon (later that week, maybe) by which time he had to be gone and was not welcome to come back. I contacted the American Red Cross, who put him up in a rather nice hotel for one month, on the proviso that he do nothing disorderly or destructive during his stay (I explained this to him, and he followed the guidelines). After that month, he did have a few nights in a homeless men's shelter, which was easier to take knowing that strings were being pulled behind the scenes. We succeeded in getting him into a subsidized apartment, small, clean but quite livable, on the basis of his being homeless, mentally ill, with no other place to go, and likely to be harmed by being without a place. Using the agency's van, I helped him move his minimal furniture (a twin bed, a dresser, and a few boxes) from his mom's house to the apartment.

What is the moral of the story?

Get yourself a social worker who knows the ropes. (I didn't know the ropes, but consulted with those that did.) Giving up too easily means you get nothing. Taking no for an answer means you get nothing. I would NOT advise you to try to force the issue without the help of an agency or social worker, which could get you arrested or evicted without any back up plan.

A similar situation happened for my daughter. In our county, the Section 8 housing program was not even accepting applications for the waiting list. She was working with a social worker on various issues. One day she was told a few spaces would be opening up for people to get on that waiting list, although this was not being advertised or mentioned on the affordable housing website. She put in her name, filled out the paperwork, was approved, and got herself a Section 8 voucher, with which she secured a very decent (not opulent) one bedroom apartment. She was thrilled! Her own place, with no roommates! Too good to be true.

Within a year she was ready to move out. No gripes about the Section 8 apartment, but she was ready to move in with her current boyfriend; they've been together ever since.

This is not really a story about dating, it's a story about working with the system to get appropriate income supports, including housing. But my point is that independence may not be as far away as you think. Aspies are generally overly literal. "The waiting list is two years long and is not even open for new names," so Aspies give up hope. I encourage you to be a little more persistent.

And how your daughter was paying for this affordable one bedroom apartment before having a boyfriend? Did she have a job?

My other gripe is the fact that for women, its still seen as far more acceptable for them to be a parasite of some sort, whether its on their family, boyfriend, or husband. Why? Because they have body parts that 94% of men desire? Seems a pretty BS reason.

Well, the unfairness of gaming the system so others will die on the streets rather than me, without having done anything to deserve such privilege more than they do, is precisely the reason I don't consider myself independent, and why renting a room in my current situation is at best morally equivalent to being still at my parents' home. If I had no business dating before, I sure as hell still don't.



You know, there's a way to exploit that desire without any BS and without making anyone pay for it other than the men enjoying those body parts (or the full body, or even more than that) under the terms agreed to freely with their owner. No parasitism involved. Unfortunately, we like to give that transaction ugly names, to outlaw it, making it unnecessarily dangerous, and to let our blood boil if someone suggests a relative of ours might engage in it.

And how your daughter was paying for this affordable one bedroom apartment before having a boyfriend? Did she have a job?

She got government to pay for it. Though housing usually only pays 75% of rent. I guessing maybe her daughter is on disability. All such things are fine with women, but for men makes you a worthless unlovable loser.

She got government to pay for it. Though housing usually only pays 75% of rent. I guessing maybe her daughter is on disability. All such things are fine with women, but for men makes you a worthless unlovable loser.

Don’t men on disability get those perks too?

Yes. Because the thinking is that she can marry a doctor, lawyer, etc, ie a MAN who will set her up.

My other gripe is the fact that for women, its still seen as far more acceptable for them to be a parasite of some sort, whether its on their family, boyfriend, or husband. Why? Because they have body parts that 94% of men desire? Seems a pretty BS reason.

Now c’mon RainbowUnion, be fair here.. if Bea had a hot young twink son with a desirable bussy, some sugar daddy might pay for his keep, too.

Well, the unfairness of gaming the system so others will die on the streets rather than me, without having done anything to deserve such privilege more than they do, is precisely the reason I don't consider myself independent, and why renting a room in my current situation is at best morally equivalent to being still at my parents' home. If I had no business dating before, I sure as hell still don't.



You know, there's a way to exploit that desire without any BS and without making anyone pay for it other than the men enjoying those body parts (or the full body, or even more than that) under the terms agreed to freely with their owner. No parasitism involved. Unfortunately, we like to give that transaction ugly names, to outlaw it, making it unnecessarily dangerous, and to let our blood boil if someone suggests a relative of ours might engage in it.

Don’t men on disability get those perks too?