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Majority of autistuc men dont have a girlfriend?

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Graves Knight
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22 Jul 2024, 2:48 am

funeralxempire wrote:
Graves Knight wrote:
This person was complaining they couldn't get butterflies to come to them. Mend a garden of your own and the butterflies will come to you. I still complain about crazy and strange this world is. At the same time I built my own world through storytelling.


It's funny that you've commented a few times about not getting the appeal of sports and now you bring up storytelling.

Narratives are a huge part of why watching sports appeals to so many people. Every player and every team is part of multiple stories. People pay attention to the characters and the plotlines that emerge and they look forward to how those plotlines resolve (or fail to resolve) as the season progresses.

Literally, it's the same thing that makes TV shows, movies, novels, comics, etc interesting.


I apologize for not being specific on what I meant by storytelling. It's more based on fantasy and stuff that couldn't happen in real life. Also just because I don't understand someone's preferences in sports doesn't mean I have a negative opinion on it. Yes I've stated in a earlier message that I personally don't see the big deal, but it was a pretty neutral statement; nothing bad.


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Last edited by Graves Knight on 22 Jul 2024, 2:52 am, edited 2 times in total.

cyberdad
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22 Jul 2024, 2:51 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:
With some people on here over the years, I think it’s been more of a cop-out. If women (or whatever other demographic) are the problem, then they don’t need to try by adjusting their attitude or behavior because no amount of trying will do any good.


the emphasis here is "some". Many men make the adjustment and just learn through experience. It might be healthier not to magnify one particular segment at expense of the majority who are trying.



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22 Jul 2024, 2:52 am

WantToHaveALife wrote:
yeah, i'm in contact with one guy with autism, he says he never had a girlfriend until 32, he says, while glad he met her, he says he's not proud of the fact it took him that long, but it is what it is unfortuneately.

It took me till 35 so what's the big deal? I'm sincerely curious.



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22 Jul 2024, 6:43 am

cyberdad wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
With some people on here over the years, I think it’s been more of a cop-out. If women (or whatever other demographic) are the problem, then they don’t need to try by adjusting their attitude or behavior because no amount of trying will do any good.


the emphasis here is "some". Many men make the adjustment and just learn through experience. It might be healthier not to magnify one particular segment at expense of the majority who are trying.

It’s perfectly healthy and reasonable to point out a common issue on WP. The issue isn’t really about folks not trying which I don’t have a problem with. It’s more about blaming others for one’s lack of dating success through making sexist generalizations or what have you.



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22 Jul 2024, 8:35 am

funeralxempire wrote:
Why do boring people have so much contempt for people who prefer not-boring?


Pot, meet kettle. You complain about us supposedly having contempt for non-boring folk. Yet you're expressing contempt for "boring folk."

Many (perhaps most) spectrum folk are boring by normie standards. Apparently you're the exception (On another thread, you were celebrating marijuana and excess alcohol consumption. On this thread, you're complaining about how boring we supposedly are).

We don't have contempt for "non-boring" folk. All we're doing is acknowledging the fact a lot of normies aren't compatible with us.

Being on the spectrum, I'm surprised you aren't more sympathetic toward the fact a lot of us are "boring" (even if you personally aren't "boring")



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22 Jul 2024, 8:39 am

Graves Knight wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Why do boring people have so much contempt for people who prefer not-boring?


I think this goes back to Twilight Princesses point on preferences. For me, I like certain trading card games and I think they are super interesting. Other people may find it boring. What I'm finding is everyone has their definition of what's boring or what isn't. Another good example would be like i mentioned about sports. A LOT of people thinks it's a gift to mankind. Other's like myself see it as you're just throwing a ball around; I don't get it.


True words. I find sports incredibly boring.

I also find it somewhat alarming how much a lot of sports fans worship NFL players. These millionaire NFL players wouldn't pee on you if you were on fire; there's no reason they deserve to be idolized.



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22 Jul 2024, 8:42 am

funeralxempire wrote:
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^ I hope I didn’t do that. That certainly wasn’t my intention. We all like what we like. There’s nothing wrong with that.


If you did I'd probably have called you out directly for it. I'm usually more blunt with friends and people I respect.

Instead it's just a pretty common attitude I see in threads like this. I'm lonely, why do people like what they like instead of what I like? Only idiots like what they like. It's all their fault I don't have friends, I don't want idiots for friends.

They never have the self-awareness to notice that their own attitudes are major contributors to why they struggle both romantically and in other social contexts.


Back around 5 years ago, some guy wanted to develop a friendship with me. He wouldn't stop inviting me to go bar-hopping, no matter how many times I told him bar-hopping isn't my cup of tea.

It's like he couldn't comprehend the idea that some of us don't like bar-hopping.

I'm better off being friendless than having "friends" who try to force me into doing stuff I find miserable.



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22 Jul 2024, 8:55 am

funeralxempire wrote:
Graves Knight wrote:
This person was complaining they couldn't get butterflies to come to them. Mend a garden of your own and the butterflies will come to you. I still complain about crazy and strange this world is. At the same time I built my own world through storytelling.


It's funny that you've commented a few times about not getting the appeal of sports and now you bring up storytelling.

Narratives are a huge part of why watching sports appeals to so many people. Every player and every team is part of multiple stories. People pay attention to the characters and the plotlines that emerge and they look forward to how those plotlines resolve (or fail to resolve) as the season progresses.

Literally, it's the same thing that makes TV shows, movies, novels, comics, etc interesting.


Even if I found sports interesting, I would have stopped watching by now. Why? Because sports have started injecting politics into the game. When you do that, you piss off half the population. Bad business move.

Leave politics out of sports.



Graves Knight
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22 Jul 2024, 12:10 pm

SkinnyElephant wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
^ I hope I didn’t do that. That certainly wasn’t my intention. We all like what we like. There’s nothing wrong with that.


If you did I'd probably have called you out directly for it. I'm usually more blunt with friends and people I respect.

Instead it's just a pretty common attitude I see in threads like this. I'm lonely, why do people like what they like instead of what I like? Only idiots like what they like. It's all their fault I don't have friends, I don't want idiots for friends.

They never have the self-awareness to notice that their own attitudes are major contributors to why they struggle both romantically and in other social contexts.


Back around 5 years ago, some guy wanted to develop a friendship with me. He wouldn't stop inviting me to go bar-hopping, no matter how many times I told him bar-hopping isn't my cup of tea.

It's like he couldn't comprehend the idea that some of us don't like bar-hopping.

I'm better off being friendless than having "friends" who try to force me into doing stuff I find miserable.


That's an excellent point you brought up too. It's not about disliking someone's preference and seeing them as less than, but rather knowing yourself and choosing not to engage with people that don't share the same interests.


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22 Jul 2024, 12:32 pm

SkinnyElephant wrote:
Graves Knight wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Why do boring people have so much contempt for people who prefer not-boring?


I think this goes back to Twilight Princesses point on preferences. For me, I like certain trading card games and I think they are super interesting. Other people may find it boring. What I'm finding is everyone has their definition of what's boring or what isn't. Another good example would be like i mentioned about sports. A LOT of people thinks it's a gift to mankind. Other's like myself see it as you're just throwing a ball around; I don't get it.


True words. I find sports incredibly boring.

I also find it somewhat alarming how much a lot of sports fans worship NFL players. These millionaire NFL players wouldn't pee on you if you were on fire; there's no reason they deserve to be idolized.


SkinnyElephant, you made a good point on the last sentence. NFL players come with a lot of status and have to compete with others to keep their title and remain relevant. And to keep on the topic on this forum, status for men equals more dating opportunities.


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funeralxempire
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22 Jul 2024, 12:43 pm

SkinnyElephant wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Why do boring people have so much contempt for people who prefer not-boring?


Pot, meet kettle. You complain about us supposedly having contempt for non-boring folk. Yet you're expressing contempt for "boring folk."

Many (perhaps most) spectrum folk are boring by normie standards. Apparently you're the exception (On another thread, you were celebrating marijuana and excess alcohol consumption. On this thread, you're complaining about how boring we supposedly are).

We don't have contempt for "non-boring" folk. All we're doing is acknowledging the fact a lot of normies aren't compatible with us.

Being on the spectrum, I'm surprised you aren't more sympathetic toward the fact a lot of us are "boring" (even if you personally aren't "boring")


All except for I'm not expressing contempt for people who are boring, I'm expressing contempt for people who are judgmental hypocrites. :wink:


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Graves Knight
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22 Jul 2024, 12:46 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
With some people on here over the years, I think it’s been more of a cop-out. If women (or whatever other demographic) are the problem, then they don’t need to try by adjusting their attitude or behavior because no amount of trying will do any good.


the emphasis here is "some". Many men make the adjustment and just learn through experience. It might be healthier not to magnify one particular segment at expense of the majority who are trying.

It’s perfectly healthy and reasonable to point out a common issue on WP. The issue isn’t really about folks not trying which I don’t have a problem with. It’s more about blaming others for one’s lack of dating success through making sexist generalizations or what have you.


Yes, gender blaming is an issue. Some sexist generalizations are accurate for both men and women otherwise we wouldn't have all these podcasts and dating channels discussing it. But I agree it's not something you should dwell on. It should be more of an enlightenment of understanding basic attraction; at the same time look for the exceptions to the rule to suit what best fits the individual. Basically what you've pointed out about preference.


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22 Jul 2024, 12:54 pm

There’s a lot of misinformation out there. The popularity of certain ideas on some podcasts, channels, sites, etc. doesn’t mean that the information is valid (argumentum ad populum). There’s a lot of attention devoted to any number of conspiracy theories/pseudoscientific nonsense. It doesn’t mean there’s any truth to them.

Confirmation bias seems to play a big role with sexist generalizations. People tend to only see that which seems to confirm their preconceived notions and ignore that which doesn’t.



Graves Knight
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22 Jul 2024, 1:10 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
There’s a lot of misinformation out there. The popularity of certain ideas on some podcasts, channels, sites, etc. doesn’t mean that the information is valid (argumentum ad populum). There’s a lot of attention devoted to any number of conspiracy theories. It doesn’t mean they’re real.



I wouldn't say all the information isn't valid. I would say it's not valid for certain groups of people. For people with autism, we have to approach dating much more differently. Which I think that's a good thing because we're the exceptions to the rule and have a bit of a higher chance avoid a lot of the bad dating practices and find someone suitable long term. (for those who want that relationship)


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Last edited by Graves Knight on 22 Jul 2024, 1:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Graves Knight
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22 Jul 2024, 1:11 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
There’s a lot of misinformation out there. The popularity of certain ideas on some podcasts, channels, sites, etc. doesn’t mean that the information is valid (argumentum ad populum). There’s a lot of attention devoted to any number of conspiracy theories/pseudoscientific nonsense. It doesn’t mean there’s any truth to them.

Confirmation bias seems to play a big role with sexist generalizations. People tend to only see that which seems to confirm their preconceived notions and ignore that which doesn’t.


"People tend to only see that which seems to confirm their preconceived notions and ignore that which doesn’t."
That's a really good point actually.


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22 Jul 2024, 1:15 pm

I didn’t say that all the information isn’t valid. I said there’s a lot of misinformation out there. With the popularity of Incel sites, it seems like the likelihood of misinformation spreading and becoming popular is quite high.

It’s easy for folks to view a given demographic as “the other” when we are all people and aren’t intrinsically that different from each other.