Still haven't found a girlfriend

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Well today has been the best day i have felt for a long time, i haven't even thought about having a girlfriend today. I am really excited for what my future is going to bring

Yea look to the future . Was there something in particular that happened or was it just a good day??

Not really, just been a good week, i finished my exam, felt confident about that. And just been doing more stuff around the house and wanting to experience new things.

Hi, Well for the first time this isn't a post about a girl, or my sexual health.

Its a Post about what im doing. I have got tickets to see a cricket match, New Zealand v Bangladesh at Cardiff staying on my own for two nights. This is the first time i will ever have been on my own anywhere without family so am a bit nervous but excited.

Thats good. This happens when I left home for university studies when I was 17. Moved away for more than 5 hours from home. I dont know anyone in the communities and groups I get involved.

Excellent work. I tend to be a bit obsessive over my WP posts to the point it's unhealthy. I've been busy trying to refocus my life given some big changes is my personal and professional life. All good things, of course, but changes are coming fast and I'm struggling to keep up. So I'll keep reading and post from time to time, but more at a pace and quantity that is appropriate.

Again, good work so far. Here are a few of my observations. Keep in mind I'm being nitpicky, but my goal is to help. This is not intended to be hurtful or excessively critical in a hateful way.

First, you mentioned an older lady you spoke to. GOOD. Older people are attracted to younger people because it brings back their parental instincts. Life has taught them to be good listeners. They will often be quick to lavish compliments on you and encourage you. It you want to feel good about yourself, hang out with old people.

How to improve: What color was her hair? What color were her eyes? Did you ask whether she had children, where they are, what they do? Or did you mostly talk about yourself and school? Always remember, as cool as older people really are, they are, like all of us, human and corrupt by nature. They like to feel important. And the quickest, easiest, cheapest, most obvious way to make them feel important is to be a good listener. That means say little, comment on what they say, ask questions, keep the flow going.

Now, honestly, I forget sometimes, too, and am quick to babble. There's a little trick I do if I feel I'm starting to dominate a conversation. I walk away as I'm talking. This compels the other person to follow me if she really cares, or say goodbye if she doesn't. I'll stop dead in my tracks if she tries to get in the last word, which is fine. I'll listen to everything you have to say as long as you're talking. But downplaying the importance of my own interests serves to tease the listener. If she follows me, she's mine. For the moment. But the focus is always on HER response. My job isn't to drive the conversation, merely to facilitate it. Make sense? Hair color, eye color, key interests. Stay focused. YOU aren't important. SHE is. Make her feel it. Hair color, eye color, key interests, stay focused, make it a habit. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Remember as much as you can. Before you can be interesting, you must first be interested.

Next... Online dating sites. Just stay away from them. I have no problem with them. I don't have any use for them, either, but they're not the enemy. The problem is you're too easily discouraged by them. Suicidal talk, first of all, is perceived as threatening at worst, attention-seeking at best, and always coercive and manipulative. It puts the focus squarely on YOU. Follow the Golden Rule. If you want attention, you must first be attentive. If you really are suicidal, seek a professional. For all my studies in psychology, all I have is a bachelor's degree in education and am little more than a hack. I'm a teacher, not a therapist, and I can't help you with that. So I'm going with not suicidal for the sake of this discussion, and that makes you a manipulative jerk. I mean, not REALLY, but that's how you'll be perceived. You have to work on sending the right message, and saying inappropriate things won't get your point across. The bigger picture is that dating sites really aren't helping you feel better about dating. Cut 'em loose. Engage in activities that are uplifting. Besides, all the good stuff happens in meatspace. Staying off dating sites lets you skip right to what you want and help keep your morale high.

At all times, focus on HER. Name, hair color, eye color, key interests, and let's add one more thing: Contact info. Why? Because when you ARE ready to ask for dates, you need to know how to get in touch. Which, if you follow my advice, you won't need since you're already "seeing each other," but still, it doesn't hurt. Incidentally, today I asked a married woman for that info. Strictly business, but still... The point being I asked for the info and got it. Time now for you to do the same. Remember all you can, write it down.

Let's continue our moratorium on asking girls out. Just DON'T, and that extends to your (apparent) attention-seeking activities on online dating sites. For you, it's only appropriate to get phone numbers from girls you regularly talk to and are already comfortable around anyway. Like me this morning. I was playing synthesizers next to a harpist. "Hey, we need to get you to play where I live sometime. If I have your cell number, perhaps I can text some music to you that we can work up. How do you feel about that?" In your case: "Hey, I've really enjoyed talking to you about ___. You know, we have _____ event in my area. If I hear anything, would you like to know about it? Let me get your number and I'll tell you as soon as I know something." And then follow through. I'm genuinely, professionally interested in my harpist, so I don't have her number to harrass her. Same goes. You're interested in HER, so you're going to help her out by pointing her to something she likes.

Another tactic I use comes from the world of social engineering (think con artist) and I got this from the book on corporate security called "The Art Of Deception." People like to feel helpful. So you approach someone doing what they do and ask, "Hey, can you help me?" So she teaches you how to do what she does. You're like, "k, thanks! That's awesome! Is there a way for me to reach you if I need help later? I might need you to walk me through it again a few times. What's your number?" Then follow through. Call her up, say "Ok, I did xyz and I'm still not getting it quite right. What am I doing wrong?"

These activities will build RELATIONSHIPS. Once you do that, asking a girl out on a date is a no-brainer. Romper room stuff. That is how it is done.

So... For the next week or so, let's focus on building friendships and maybe even collaborative relationships. Collect contact info. Have fun. Do NOT ask a girl out on a date, though. You're not quite there yet. Focus on activities that will help you feel better about yourself, avoid discouraging situations. Do things that will motivate you. Asking girls out and acting out on dating sites right now will set you up for rejection. There will be plenty of that soon enough. By building patience and confidence, you gather strength to handle rejection without giving up. Rejection is normal and even healthy, but let's focus on things we can do and succeed at right NOW.

Congrats on the cricket game! I assume there will be girls there? Remember: names, hair color, eye color, key interests. And if you get her to talk a lot and easily, find an excuse to gey her phone number. Wait 2 or 3 days, follow up.

Questions? Comments? Sarcastic remarks?

What I've been seeing more and more over the last 20 years is that men AND women are playing Sleeping Beauty... they just sit and wait for someone to discover them.

It's bad enough that some of us can't understand flirting, or we're introverted, but we do simple stuff like putting up an online dating profile and then sit around and wait because we apparently believe Prince(ss) Charming has ESP, and will home in on us somehow.

Hi! First of all, you have to love and respect yourself! Be more confident! It doesn't matter how you look, if you love yourself other people will love you too! Do you have a hobby? Maybe, you can meet girls on forums discussing it, and after that meet alive. You can also go somewhere with your friends and get acquainted with girls there (cafe, bars, exhibitions etc.)

I think there are alot of ways to meet girls. Some of the girls on my course today were really kind to me today and told the tutor that i was the most honest person in their group and they seem to get on well with me.

As i said the girls in my class are 16-18 but its still a step in the right direction if they are saying that

Awesome! As I said earlier, older ladies are attracted to younger guys because of that whole maternal thing. They don't mind taking care of you to a certain degree, but they do still expect certain things women of all ages expect in terms of dating, like gifts, dinner, etc. The rules don't change, just attitudes and perspectives, so the wider the age gap the more sensitive you have to be. The most fun I had dating was being a university grad dating a freshman (18 years old, btw), and that was a fairly small age gap of some 4 years.

Same applies dating younger. Younger women are attracted to older men for the same reason: experience and wisdom. You strike me as a nicer, wiser person if immature and inexperienced for your age. What you lack in maturity and experience you make up for in your no-bs approach to life. The older a girl gets and remains single, the more those qualities become attractive. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about asking out (reasonably) younger girls.

When dealing with younger girls, remember this: Young girls are FICKLE. The only consistent thing about them is their inconsistency. Finding a good one at a young age is extremely rare, though not impossible. I think they genuinely want romance and LTR. What exactly that means from day to day is a moving target, though, and has been a source of frustration for men ever since we were knuckle-dragging cavemen. Back then at least we could club them unconscious and drag them back home. Dealing with them thereafter, well... My point being they are not off-limits in terms of dating. Just understand these relationships are almost always short-lived.

So, have fun. Enjoy your time with a young adult female while you have it. The FIRST time she seems bored, unhappy, seems distant or ignores you (without giving you a satisfying explanation) gracefully end the relationship. As the mature, responsible one, you can do that. Younger guys tend to grovel, but I like to think we're past that. No GIRL is worth that.

As they get older, there's usually less of that kind of drama. I prefer dating women to girls, but dating any age serves its purpose. Besides, you never know when Little Miss 18yo ends up being Mrs. Right.

Sounds like you're on a good wicket there, haha.

My dad was a mad keen cricketer.
He left me about a thousand Wisdons when he died.

Well a few good things have happened, i completed my exams and when i am out i just smile and say hello to people just to be polite and i have had a few smiles back from girls that look around my age. So thats one argument out of the way that girls never look at me if i'm out lol

I have been volunteering at my local castle today, no girls there but its still something good isn't it

Things are really going well at the moment. I was at the castle again yesterday. And in the summer im going away for the first ever time on my own to a cricket match.

I have not found a girlfriend yet but hopefully if i keep putting myself in these situations it won't be too long and perhaps just perhaps my dream will come true

I feel so stupid. Just been on you tube and seen this girl

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCi4dWa ... discussion

she is 16 now and with Autism. She is amazing and i feel stupid saying all girls with autism look different but then anyway what is wrong with different nothing at all.

Most people with autism look "normal."