As a guy ~

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Being a buzz kill terrifies me. I want to do just the opposite with technology. What I need to do before I'm actually comfortable at work is to spend more time around the tiny minority of women who know me.

How do you bump a post?

Just knock your head on the target post, on the screen.

There's a link in the blue bar at the top of the threads.

I wish I were more conversant with other people, so there would be more reasons to keep checking my threads. I'm just here to lear about how to be more casual around people in general really.

Smart alec!

Thank you! I’ve only seen it done on this forum a few times and wondered how it was done. I think I’ve only started one thread in my time here, so I’ve done nothing worth me following up on.
Even at my age I can still make a marvellous mess of trying to be social or casual, but it generally works out. I can talk a lot, but I’ve never been good at long conversations. I like writing better. You can do many rewrites!

This is the problem where I'm concerned. I wish I could somehow escape the constant jabs at my hypothetical pinch of extra intellect. I wish it weren't such a stumbling block for everyone when we're looking for common ground.

I can't stop thinking I'll be ignored my whole life because of what I do.

Why would you be ignored because of what you do? It’s a cool field of work. If computers had been a thing when I was young I like to think that I would have been a programmer/ hacker. I haven’t dug into a PC, physically or digitally for some time, but thanks to me and some similar minds, IT at work had to lock us out of “inner access “ to our systems. I actually read the several inches thick DOS manual for interests sake.

Your recreational life sounds interesting too. I miss skiing.

And if someone takes jabs at your intellect, tell them to eff off and start talking about the weather.

Well a lot of people have been telling me being smart means I'll be avoided by more or less everyone. My experience seems to confirm that. I'm kind of scared that all I know how to do is concentrate & that I'm clueless about how to relax enough to spend much of any time with anyone.

It's almost like being nerdy automatically makes me unattractive.

From my observations the general masses aren't real interested in "intelligent" conversation so much as they just want to be entertained so they tend to be very surfacey. They really aren't the target audience...I mean you could go and try to play their games and that can be nice once in a awhile but it would undoubtedly end up being frustrating and droll for you. You're worried of being boring to them, but have you thought about how they could end up boring to you? If experience for you says you'll be avoided for being smart my thought is, you're just not around the right type of people. And even if they had been friendly it may have ended as I mentioned, with you bored.

I can relate to that some, so I think that may be more Aspie or just personality type verses your nerdiness. I would not consider myself nerdy, super dorky at times but not nerdy. But I often feel at a loss of how to relax, have a good time, be fun etc. For me I feel like I've spent so much time alone I don't know how to even with people anymore...Not that I'm all that sure I ever did know. Because of this people have thought that I was bored, displeased about being there, and wanted to be left alone. Anyway my point is it may not be you being smart that is causing the avoidance. And even if it is, do you really want to hang with people that AVOID or are that intimidated by intelligence?

So you'll be avoided by unintelligent people? I wouldn't call that a problem.

It's more that I'm concerned about loved ones underestimating themselves. It's not like I'm part of another species or something.

Last edited by cberg on 05 Mar 2019, 1:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The problem might be the circumstances


Fr instance at work ASD ppl are more focused and serious than the others bcuz of work ethic n so on


Also places where u don’t know ppl well n they don’t give u a chance n accept u (which is all that AsD ppl need!) unless u fake it

NT ppl have these ‘barriers’ like u need invisible passcodes of behaviour/fake social things that are justto get by their many ‘barriers’ before they accept a person
Then they value themselvrs n others on these trivial meaningless things

AsD ppl dont know abt that or care about that

they are simple n better at instantly taking everyone as worthy, an equal, at ‘face value’

If u were in a situation where u felt comfortable and accepted then u wd automatically relax

All the same, I don't want to judge anyone over their nature. If there are invisible criteria I'm being judged by, I want to learn about those from my friends. I think that seems like a means to let everyone feel comfortable & accepted.

Ultimately I'm not as different as I seem, but it's not easy to show that.

I would call that a negative attitude, not exactly what I aim for. I don't find anyone particularly unintelligent unless they're seriously impaired.

The problem in my mind is about cognitive dissonance between equals, as Blooie said above. I want us ALL to stop avoiding each other, it's not as if I'm not guilty of this. I'm looking at the good side of people in my life here. I don't plan on expanding my social life without a thought towards those already know me.

I'm not sure why I keep trying, I just know my friends are smart enough in my eyes & I need better ways to remind them. I'm tired of being contrasted next to everyone, I want to show everyone who finds me awkward that it's not our different mindsets separating us. I want to practice gratitude & be vocal about it, so I'm here looking wisdom.