He/She's Just Not That Into You

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Yes -- don't take it personally. A lot of us Aspies are very touch sensitive or very particular about our personal space, but still very much love our significant others and want affection. We just want to be able to pick and choose.

My wife sounds a lot like you. Very huggy, affectionate (she's latin), emotional, and wants to cuddle a lot. I tend to get claustrophobic if I'm hugged too much, so I have to push her away. She's used to it, she knows this is just how I am.

I'll tell you how bad it is, and I'm just slightly aspie, not full-out diagnosed -- When we were first dating, at one point she had to sleep over because she was accidentally locked out of her house. I was actually angry about it, because I had not had good experiences trying to sleep in a bed with another person (sex, different story, always loved it) and I thought I was going to lose sleep. Turned out it worked out fine, and my worries were baseless, but you get the picture of how set in our ways we can be, and how defensive we can be of our personal space and time.

Goodness, and here I thought I was boring the crap out of everyone with my same advice over and over

One of the best places to see my stuff all in one lump is to go to the sticky "Nice Guys" thread at the top of this particular forum. Go back to December, probably mid-month or a little bit later. This was my first post, where I basically wrote out my whole set of theories on what I'd learned in life so far. I've also posted a lot since then, so pretty much anything else I write has these same lessons, but that particular post is the best place to see it all in one place.

Here it is on this page -- Direct link to my first post, click here

We can also talk in this thread or via PM's.

Short recap of me -- happily married, mid-30s, have had a few girlfriends, one affair, 2 girlfriends at once at some point, and some other things go on in my life (my wife forgave me for the affair). While my life didn't turn out exactly as planned (I would have liked to have dated a lot more before I got married, but I met the perfect person early in my life), I think I have gotten a good taste of the dating world, and am more clear now on what makes it happen, how you can tell when a girl is interested, and how to seize those opportunities.

The only times I've been able to know whether a woman was into me was when she said so. Is there a site or book or something that lets men know exactly how to tell whether a woman does or doesn't want them?

Nope. Body language books come the closest to this, but there's still a lot of room for interpretation. My best hint for you is that if someone seems to always talk to you or go out of their way to talk to you, do things with you, ask you about your life, etc., they are very likely interested. If instead, they only talk to you at work or in class, are not interested in doing anything outside of class or work (that doesn't involve you helping them or doing a service for them that someone would normally get paid for) with you, they probably aren't interested.