Does woman taking initiative scare the man?

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On one hand, I'd much prefer the woman making the first move. I'm horrible at it myself, and all that jazz.

On the other hand, I have considerable trust issues, especially in that kind of situation. I've learned that when a woman walks up to me like that, it's because someone wants to screw with my head. A girl would have to be very subtle to walk up to me and not trigger my paranoia. Far more likely i'd end up going out with someone i became friends with at school; someone i see everyday.

In other words, I would be intimidated. Not because I'm sexist, but because of prior experience.

Last edited by Apera on 07 Oct 2009, 5:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Thanks for the recommendation.

I've been given the impression that a man that WOULD be scared of that is the 'right' kind of man...you know, proper, not a bum, who would be horrified at a woman approaching him because he's afraid SHE is improper. Whereas I've been led to understand that a man that wouldn't be scared by that only wants a woman for one thing.

My dad, my grandfathers, and both my brothers would be.

Have they ever said why?

All I can get out of them is 'it isn't proper'. The one brother says, "Thats not the way things should be."

Traditional/old-fashioned, I can understand that.

But I do believe it's their loss. There are many women out there who do not adhere to the traditional behaviors expected of women (woo hoo!) and I wouldn't shun a person simply because of a faux paus because of my own expectations/upbringing.

both my brothers are so anal about people's behaviors that they refuse to associate with anyone (other than family) that is not Neurotypical. Anything that steps outside the norm, they shun. Heck, for a long time they didn't want to be seen in public with me.

Some of my older family members were like that, and there's just no way you can drag them into the 21st century, hell, even the 20th century ways of thinking regarding dating. I've asked men out, and a couple did seem surprised when I did it but they did go out with me.
What it boils down to, do what you feel is comfortable for you. Not your family, you. I was a nervous wreck the first time I did it, but sometimes if we want to get to know/ date someone, then we have to take the chance.

Like having her real boyfriend break in and loot my house while we're on the "date"?

Hm... Female approaches and makes first move...
*Analyze tone of voice... Honest*
*Scan for friends of hers sitting in back, watching attentively, suppressing laughter... None*
*Ask about plans, determine that my calendar is open.*
*Accept offer.*

Well, isn't that easy?

Unfortunately, I've always been designated "uninterested", since I don't send out any "signals".

Funny thing is if I were to approach a guy there would be none of my friends in the background watching.

Yeah, if only there weren't so many inconvenient cultural "no-no"s.

The current setup is ridiculous.

"Look at him and smile, then he'll approach."
...Right. How am I supposed to know that she didn't just happen to look in my general direction? And the smiling... How would I know that she didn't remember a joke and suppress the laugh, resulting in a smile?

How can anything get done without words?

Oh yeah and for people who have difficulty interpreting body language it makes it 100% more difficult.

but you do know it is ok to just talk to people even if they are not interested, right?

It comes off as creepy if people of either gender ask someone out who they dont know.

It doesnt matter so much if you cant read body language as to start with you should just be chatting rather than 'asking out', and you can chat to anyone, they dont need to fancy you to chat.

If your very impatient, you could drop hints like, 'I like your jacket/hair/eyes', or 'I really want to see this new film, but Ive got no one to go with'. That way your indicating interest or leaving 'chances' for the other to respond, with out being overly pushy or 'forcing' a rejection. If you 'play your hand' too soon you might force someone to reject you who would later agree to go out with you (because their not ready yet).


watch some videos from this website as they are very helpful and amusing (especially the one on body language signs of interest)

http://www.videojug.com/tag/love-and-dating#

What I can kind of imagine is that many women experiment with asking out a guy they're interested in "directly", get rejected and then never do it again. In case these rules aren't obvious already, they should be worth considering:

1. Don't ask a guy out if he's in a rush to do something else
2. Don't ask a guy out in a group setting
3. Be sure you know the guy on a friendly sort of level first, at least from one really good conversation
4. Don't make too much out of a possible first date