how is it possible to tell if someone likes you or not?

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Really? That's hard to figure, your definitely not hurting in the looks department and have way too much of a style to be lacking in the personality arena. Do your friends ever try to play intermediary for you or do the NT figuring (she's shy) and close the gaps between your read of nonverbals and the guys they know like you who they know you'd like?

Thanks.

I don't have any friends around here. My handful of "real-life" friends are male, anyway, so that would probably be a little awkward.

lol, that's a good way to put it.
welding goggles

On the contrary: if you notice that, when in a group of people, a woman is being generally friendly to everyone else but totally aloof to you then THAT usually proves she is interested and trying to hide it or afraid to show it.

I've been trying it out for a few years now, and I've been surprised at how well it works. I haven't been able to bring myself to try it with just any or every girl, though - there are a lot that it just doesn't feel right with.

The girls it seems to work best with are the ones who don't make much eye contact at first, who don't speak very loudly, or who otherwise seem about as uncomfortable as I feel. The teasing works well when it is clearly implausible and delivered gently, with a minimum of eye contact (that should be easy - just enough to check her reaction.) I consider it a success if she at least looks up, smiles, looks away, and responds in a slightly more confident way than she started with, with one or two glances up at me as she talks. If she isn't smiling when she looks up, I might wink and tease her again with something slightly more implausible - I interpret her reaction as being that she wasn't sure if I was kidding or not, and my response is to make it clearer that I don't mean it. The first time I tease a girl like this, I will follow up with more serious and respectful questions, and keep the conversation short, and repeat the whole thing after a day or two. Subsequent conversations will be longer - I think of this as giving her a chance to get used to me. By the third or fourth time, the girl will usually tease me back, she'll seem far more confident in her response to me, and communication is easier from there. I'm just a bit too timid to push it out of that "friend zone" from there (and the girls I tease are typically even more shy than I am), but it doesn't look like it should be too hard to try something riskier from there, and I suppose it would probably be relatively easy to get a date within a week or two of this. I've been given very good reasons to believe that these girls have said very favorable things about me to other girls when I'm not around (usually by about the 10th conversation or so), so it seems like something is going well with that approach.


Teasing does not seem to work very well with the more secure and confident girls, however - their reactions usually seem to suggest they haven't got the time for that sort of nonsense. More serious, professional observations seem to work well for them, and a little more eye contact and less frequent smiling seems to work for them. I think there are many of these no-nonsense girls who would be some real prizes, but the eye contact and more serious tone require a lot more work from me.

There are some girls who just don't seem friendly not matter what I do, and teasing definitely doesn't seem to do anything to change their minds (at least, not right away.) I take it these girls are solidly dedicated to a boyfriend or husband and find communication from other guys to be unwelcome. (In a couple of rare cases, some of these unfriendly girls later have said or done things that give me the impression they're a bit jealous of the girls they see me teasing; I'm not quite sure I understand this and I certainly don't know how to respond to it, so I usually just try to stay away from them after that.)

There are also a few girls who don't seem to react well to teasing, who I believe to have been severely abused or picked on and take the teasing very seriously - fortunately, I think I've realized something is wrong before going too far in all these cases, as there's something in their expressions and body language that tends to broadcast to me that something is wrong pretty quickly. Sadly, I'm not sure what the best way to deal with these poor girls is, as these girls tend to either react badly to the attention, or respond with a desperate, obsessive "clinginess" that I want to run away from.


In any event, it seems to be the more simply shy girls that seem to react best to playful teasing, and in their cases it seems to work best as an ice-breaker and a sort of shared running joke. When it goes well, it's a lot of fun.

see? i totally wasn't expecting examples but then this guy popped out of the woodworl, living proof

A nice idea, but unfortunately not true in general. It may be the case if the woman in question is not a great communicator (e.g. as a consequence of having AS) but whenever I followed this line of thought as a teenager the word eventually came back to me through other people that her feelings were quite the opposite. "I'm trying to get away from him, I'm shutting him out, why is he still trying to speak to me?" And so on.

I am sure there is no tried and true way of knowing if somebody likes you..............enough to want to be your significant other, except maybe through practice. I have a very good NT freind that sees alot of different men (at different times of course) She seems to be expert at it but she still cannot tell me what she does or how she knows when someone likes her or not. She just puts it all down to a feeling she gets............... Does not make any sense to me!

I married the first and only boyfriend I even had. I had no idea if he liked me or not untill he went away for 6 weeks for work and sent me a letter explaining it all. Even after that I was never sure if he was genuine or not. 17 years latter I still sometimes wonder LOL He is not good socially either but obviously was interested enough to go out on a limb to atleast let me know how he really felt.

If it was left up to me I would still be single because I honestly never even entertained the idea I would have a relationship with a male. I don't like playing stupid games with peoples emotions. Infact the thought of it makes me nausious. Also I have no idea what other people think unless they actually use what 1000's of years of evolution has given them, and they come out and say it.

Life does not really have to be as hard as people seem to want to make it.

Here is how I know she will be interested in me:

She will be yelling "Tim, if you don't go out with me, I'll blow my brains out!"

I have the same problem. Seriously, I went from one extreme to the other; went from thinking noone liked me to thinking everyone liked me. These days I just assume they want to be friends unless they actually approach me and say they like me.

If you're really hot, all heterosexual guys will like you. Otherwise only some will like you.
Send me a picture and I'll tell you who likes you.

...and if they like you, but they never let you know, it's all moot.