Sorry I haven't been posting much lately...

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Well I know enough women to know that, as humans, they're jerks and saints like any given range of human beings are... the only time i've ever generalized women is when I say that women don't love me, and even then I blamed myself for that, the argument being "surely if I were lovable there would at least be one woman out there that would love me". I've always maintained, unlike "Nice Guys", that the problem had to be my own because it was more likely for the fault to lie within one person rather than 3 billion. That said, I have now found that one woman, so now I know that there isn't a problem at all anymore...

Cool. Is this your first one? Is she aspie too?

Yes, she's my first. I now know that I'm not a complete failure at life... even if this relationship was never meant to be, I at least now have a past success to go on.

On the other hand, I'm not her first, but she's told me that the few weeks that we've been together already constitute a longer relationship than she had been previously able to handle... apparently other guys went too fast for her, so my own preference to take it slow is actually compatible with hers...



As far as I know, she's not formally diagnosed, although she definitely shows a lot of aspie character traits (and quite a few of her family are diagnosed on the spectrum as well)... Enough of the aspie traits show through however to make us a lot more compatible and able to handle a relationship with each other. She's honest to the point of being blunt (which personally I find refreshing compared to the mind games that most women play), and we just seem to communicate better with each other than either of us do with NTs... We state our desires and issues concerning the relationship clearly to each other rather than rely on subtle and often inaccurate body language...

Congrats man! Any thoughts on baby names? (j/k!!)

ToadOfSteel...you probably don't remember me, but I sometimes read your posts on here and I think you're a lovely guy. I'm really pleased for you that you have a girlfriend now!

an update:

not so good news. She's thinking abotu calling it off... the early phase of the relationship is over and she's not sure if she still likes me like she did or not. I'm giving her some time off to think about it. More updates later, hopefully good...

Fingers crossed for you, man...

Well she did admit that she didn't want to break up, but at the same timeshe did feel unhappy in the relationship (whereas in her previous relationships the decision to break up came easily to her)... so there is yet hope. Nevertheless, I have already begun preparations for the seemingly inevitable return to perpetual loneliness...

Did you find out what was wrong? Too needy?

Egalitarian, doesn't mean you need to be the one on the back foot, politely waiting for confirmation of demise.

You could be proactive without being needy. Nobody expects (let alone wants) the inquisition, so be positive.

Are you truly an independent or is this pretty much what you live for these days?

I always tend to find that thing go beyond the point of no return if you a expecting and pre-empting catastrophe.

Pull yourself together.

If you can, read the thread I recently posted, buddy. I've STILL never been in a relationship, but I'm not even looking for one at the moment, lol. I'd like just be nomadic and work on myself atm.

If she ends it, that's fine. There are 3 billion women in the world, all you need to do is go fishing.

I have no idea what's wrong... but the fact that she just came out and said it (rather than get all passive aggressive about it) tells me that even if this was never meant to be, she wants to salvage something out of it...


This whole relationship has been me politely waiting for her. But the craziest thing is that I wouldn't have it any other way. I want her to feel comfortable in whatever situation we find ourselves in. This is no different: I'm giving her some time off and not expecting an immediate answer so that she can have some time to think about it...


I wouldn't disagree in the fact that nobody would want such... but at the same time, I've learned from 7 years of nothing but rejection to expect and prepare for the worst. Sure, hoping for the best is nice (and also something I condone), but the best rarely happens... and being prepared for the worst means that the outcome will always be better than what you're expecting...


Well I'm certainly not living for myself, that would be selfish... so I pretty much need a significant other in my life, so that I have someone to live for... So no, I don't consider myself an independent person...


See the point about expecting the worst above...


I think I already have it together quite well considering im on the verge of a breakup... especially one that is happening only 3 weeks into it...

Even if you don't feel it's going to work, *never* put yourself down in front of her. Big turn off - it's a mistake just about every aspie man makes.

Oh she's heard the whole gamut already, before she ever got into a relationship with me... Many of the things I complain about here I also complain to certain friends, and she's heard all of it (even the "unlovable" comments)... She's seen me at my worst, and to me, if a girl has seen you at your worst and still likes you, she's a definite keeper...

Ahh, of course. I didn't consider that. Of course she would know about that about you if you'd known each other for 3 years! Silly me

I agree with your 'keeper' comment, although aren't some girls supposed to want to change their partners once they're with them, or is that just with marriage?

This is why I wont even consider a relationship with a woman I don't know... You have a more complete picture of a person going into it, rather than just the good attributes. Until a few hours ago, I believed that this was why most relationships fell apart early on (the idea being that once you learned the less desirable traits about your partner, the person as a whole would become less desirable in general)... but in light of (very) recent events, I'm not so sure...

That makes perfect sense if you're the sort of person who falls in love after a time, which judging by your posts, you are. I'm not like that, that sort of thing is always instantaneous with me. I either fancy someone when I see them the first or second time, or I don't. Honestly, I've probably not kept friends for long enough to develop feelings for them. I hear it's a different feeling though when you've known someone for a while, that sort of creeps up on you. Did that happen to you, or was it more sudden?