Ishtara wrote:
It isn't always a matter of love. I've been in an abusive relationship, and I'd come to despise my boyfriend long before I left him. No relationship starts out abusive, it creeps up on you slowly, until by the time you realise, you're already in so far that getting out is going to be a struggle.
For me it was mostly a matter of having nowhere else to go. My job was part-time so I earnt just enough to scrape by as it was, and he'd made it very clear that I had signed the lease on our apartment and he would not make it easy on me financially if I were to leave.
The other matter was that it was only emotional abuse and threats, never physical violence. This was also six years ago, before the police took threats by SMS or on blogs seriously. Without substantiated threats or physical violence, there is virtually no support available. So he could read my mail, destroy my posessions, control every aspect of my life and tell me the voices said he had to kill me, but the law doesn't view it as 'abuse' so I couldn't get into a women's shelter or get legal help getting out of my lease.
After six months he made some very direct threats and I finally decided I had to throw myself on my parent's mercy and I'd deal with the costs as they arose, becuase it was at that point it finally sunk in that one day he would carry out his threats. I left with only what I could fit in my car, because much of what I didn't take was destroyed in the tantrum he threw when he discovered I'd left, including family heirlooms.
Anyone who can 'just walk away' from such a relationship is a stronger person than I am.
That's really the point of abusive relationships. They rarely start that way. It just sort of creeps up, and if the jerk happens to have intelligence, he'll remove all other options before he shows his true colors.
It really makes it a difficult situation to handle. I've seen this personally in my parent's marriage. He's been doing what he can to cut away other options throughout the marriage. He just won't let her leave, and deliberately trashes any other options that come up. Jobs, social security, friends, and even family relationships have been trashed by him in attempt to remove other options.
I really hate that people get away with this, but then I realize most individuals deny it can even happen. That's what pisses me off more than anything. Stuff like this does happen, and that attitude is what allows it to continue.
07 Nov 2009, 6:35 pm
