NT girl in a new relationship with an Aspie - need advice!

Post Reply New Topic

Thanks guys - I'm sure you're wondering right now how it all went!

We had our very close talk and it was what I expected it to be - I've learned quite a lot about myself this week, as well as also learning lots about him. He's realized that he does need to be alone for the time being - to work out what he really wants from life, to work out why he can't feel ready to open up to anyone. He's realized he has felt like this for some time - but he's always liked me (he puts it as it is me - or noone), and he thought being with me would eventually make him feel ready to open up...he wanted a fresh start in Japan and wanted me to go with him too so that hopefully I'd be able to see the 'real him' again once we settled there. But, he started to realize that it was a terrible idea and not the right time for him to pursue a real relationship - he needs to find his own direction and break down his own walls. It's made me realize too that I have some goals of my own that I have been putting off (I was planning to go back to my own country to get qualified for a new career, then leave again next summer) - but I put these plans off when he wanted to be with me and then asked me to go to Japan with him. It has always been a dream of mine to work and travel with my partner...but not as an ESL teacher...that's only a temporary job to me. The real career I want to do I just decided I'd see where things went with him forst and then pursue later. I've always felt 'something' for him and had a feeling I would always know this person - our short 'relationship' helped me realize these feelings I have for him, although hard to explain...Will always be there. I was at a point in my life where it eas 'noone of him' too - but I think it is the wrong time for both of us. I'm going to go and study for my chosen field next summer, he's leaving to go to Japan in March. I think we will remain quite close friends, and I'm actually really happy with that. I can't explain everyting what I mean in complete detail - but I don't regret dating him at all. It has been a great learning experience for us both and as actually nourished our friendship to something I believe we will always have, no matter where in the world we are and if we only speak randomly. We admit we do love one another - but our paths are just going in opposite directions for the time being. Once I get qualified in my chosen career I want to get my first experience in Asia (I have no desire to live in my home country, one reason I put off going back so long) - there are good experience opportunities in HK and Japan. He'll probably still be in Asia, and we'll probably still be friends. I'm sure I'll see him again in the future. Even if we never become romantically involved again - I don't know. But he is someone I know will always be my friend and special to me.
It's hard for me to explain everything as you people don't know me, him, or our experience together. But know I am happy with the outcome. I believe this whole experience was fate's way of telling me to get over my fears about returning to my home country and getting qualified in a new career - it also helped me define and put in to works that 'always been something there but what?' feeling I had about my friend. We're both at the stage where we have finally been completely honest with one another and I am grateful for that. I plan to spend a little more time with him until the end of January. Then I am returning to my home country for 4 weeks, returning to Korea and then going on a 2 week trip somewhere in SE Asia with my best girlie friend. When I return at the beginning of March he'll be leaving for Japan. The time will pass so quickly and we will make the most of that. I'll then stay here in Korea until August, and then I'll return to my home country to get on with it. After 4 years of being away I was getting scared about returning - I wonder if I'll experience some reverse culture shock!?
Anyway, thank you all for following my thread and my ramblings (perhaps I should start a blog!?). There's no doubt we have feelings for one another, and they supass simple 'romantic or 'friendship' feelings. We both understand that now.
Hope you're all having a great weekend! Perhaps a few years down the line I'll be back again!
Wish my luck in my (hopefully) future career as a speech therapist!
Best wishes to you all!
Silver Butterfly.
PS Didn't proof read so if this rambles a bit I apologise! ^^

Wonderful news, it seems. In some ways familiar, as when my wife and I met we were both struck by that same sense of -this person- is important and will be in my life. It took almost ten years from when we met, going from friends to best friends to being in love to getting married - if it is what you both want, then be patient. Don't wait for things to be perfect, though - wait until the time is right for you to work together for what you want. Good luck on your new career, as well.


M.

Thank you - yes I feel very onfident about this outcome and I have no questions anymore. I'm just ready to move forward and I'm happy to know this special person.

Ha ha I'm almost sad this thread is now over and you've all helped me through this immensly!

Thanks you all once again! ^^

I'm really glad that things worked out well. Your future plans sound really cool

[]

I haven't posted in here yet since i saw it recently and have been waiting to hear how it all went down. By the time I got to the thread, Silver, things had already broke up between you and your friend/ex. Without knowing that had already transpired, halfway through the very first post I was able to predict almost exactly what he eventually did. I was planning on writing a reply stating my worries that he may very well do what he did.

I'm all about positivity and constructive outcomes, but I think I'm going to have to side with Loner's sentiments on this one. It's understandable you still love your friend and there's nothing wrong with that, but considering how I felt reading the first few paragraphs of your first post, the way the events unfolded predictably after that, and how many times I've seen and felt this dynamic before with others and myself, my intuition is pretty much kicking and screaming. My feelings seem further supported by the praise he's given by you.

I really hesitated to say this, and I know you're not looking for further advice, but I wanted to share this with you, anyway. I'm a huge fan of being friends and I have only very rarely advised people to shut doors, but my gut tells me you should close the door completely on him, despite his being a friend, and continue to move on with that out of your life and potential future. I won't try to conclude why I feel this way, or logically piece it all together, but I also think you're going to find out on your own. What I hope is that you do it from afar, and not from an involved standpoint.

You make a good point, and it's something I'm not too concerned about given in less than 2 months we'll be in different continents and leading very seperate lives. We were never in touch too often when we were just friends, just ramdomly, and I'm sure it'll soon go back to that. Just better to leave things on good terms I think. I'm very glad all this happened really and that I'll be going home in 7 months instead of Japan.

Have a great New Year everyone.

Have a great New Year, Silver. Come back and visit us again sometime. You're always welcome here.

Thanks all - have a great Xmas and New Year!