Having trouble understanding the concept of romantic love

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dddhgg
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02 Jan 2010, 6:28 am

eck wrote:

dddhgg wrote:

It's also good to know that "romantic love" as we know it is relatively new as a concept (compared to the timescale of human evolution, or even compared to written history). Also, it seems to be a predominantly Western idea.

I dunnno. Some of the most beautiful, sinsere, hottest love poems I ever read were Sanskrit (in translation.) They are hundreds of years old. That part of hindu culture was squashed by the Brits and their puritanical leanings.

I think romantic love is part choice, part sexual chemistry and part inexplicable.

It's like the lighter fluid of a relationship. It tends to burn off quickly with a bang but if you take good care of the fire, it can last for a long time.

I said predominantly, not exclusively.

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Salonfilosoof
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02 Jan 2010, 7:30 am

dddhgg wrote:

I said predominantly, not exclusively.

It seems to me that "romantic love" in the meaning of a relationship between two people with strong sexual attraction and great emotional intensity towards one another is something that has always existed in every culture, however in many cultures it has been more of an ideal situation born out of luck rather than the foundation of the relationship. It seems it's just the weight put on mutual sexual attraction and emotional intensity that has increased in contemporary Western culture. Maybe Hollywood warped the minds of young people just a bit too much here, with their naive mellow romance films.

eck
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02 Jan 2010, 9:25 am

Yes, I think media does create unrealistic expectations.

I think men bolt just as often if not more often than women.

Salonfilosoof
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02 Jan 2010, 9:55 am

eck wrote:

Yes, I think media does create unrealistic expectations.

I think men bolt just as often if not more often than women.

As an Aspie male, it is far too difficult to put myself in the position of neurotypical women, so I can only look at what happens to me and the men I know. To make a broad generalisation : it seems all men I encounter are either decent guys who had problems finding a woman, womenising a**holes or they're their girlfriend's/wives' pet.

HopeGrows
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02 Jan 2010, 11:35 am

Eck, calling romantic love the "lighter fluid" of the relationship is quite poetic - well done. As to whether relationships difficulties are gender specific - I think the concepts stated here are pretty much all true. You have to have two reasonably healthy, mature, committed people to make a relationship work in the long run.

b9
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02 Jan 2010, 1:06 pm

well i am sure that there are many romans who have tics.

if the "tic" is the basis for the attraction, then it is roman-tic love.

yeah sorry whatever

dddhgg
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02 Jan 2010, 1:10 pm

b9 wrote:

well i am sure that there are many romans who have tics.

if the "tic" is the basis for the attraction, then it is roman-tic love.

yeah sorry whatever

Lame...

The etymology is quite different. You know one of these brothers who built Rome, Romulus? He was quite eccentric. His wife once said: "Look Rom, I love your antics, but now you've pushed things too far!" Hence, Rom-antic love.

b9
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02 Jan 2010, 1:28 pm

.....i deleted this post because it was not in any spirit of anything.....

Last edited by b9 on 02 Jan 2010, 2:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Salonfilosoof
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02 Jan 2010, 1:29 pm

We do we Aspies always come up with these stupid puns?!?

Salonfilosoof
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02 Jan 2010, 1:31 pm

HopeGrows wrote:

Women rely more on their emotions, though, which in my opinion makes things a whole lot more complex for Aspie men.

Logic can be taught, but feminine intuition never can...

Snazzlestick
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02 Jan 2010, 1:34 pm

Romantic love is pointless, for the most part.

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Salonfilosoof
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02 Jan 2010, 2:07 pm

Snazzlestick wrote:

Romantic love is pointless, for the most part.

No it's not. It helps creating a strong emotional connection between two people and this connection is necessary for both people to stick together when times are rough. Without the romance, there is no reason to be monogamous other than getting children and raising them. Without the romance, there is no reason not to sleep with just about any of our friends if they have the right gender. Without the romance, the only point of a relationship would be sex and children... which seems quite superficial to me.

Snazzlestick
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02 Jan 2010, 2:09 pm

Salonfilosoof wrote:

Snazzlestick wrote:

Romantic love is pointless, for the most part.

People usually end up getting hurt though when they fall in love. One way or another. I don't think it's worth the hassle. I can get my endorphins some other way.

Snazzlestick
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02 Jan 2010, 2:15 pm

Salonfilosoof wrote:

Snazzlestick wrote:

Romantic love is pointless, for the most part.

People usually end up getting hurt though when they fall in love. One way or another. I don't think it's worth the hassle. I can get my endorphins some other way.

Lonermutant
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02 Jan 2010, 2:54 pm

Snazzlestick wrote:

Salonfilosoof wrote:

Snazzlestick wrote:

Romantic love is pointless, for the most part.

People usually end up getting hurt though when they fall in love. One way or another. I don't think it's worth the hassle. I can get my endorphins some other way.

Same with me.

eck
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02 Jan 2010, 3:59 pm

Salonfilosoof wrote:

[
As an Aspie male, it is far too difficult to put myself in the position of neurotypical women, so I can only look at what happens to me and the men I know.

What if the NT woman told you often and explicitly what she was thinking and what she would like you to do?

Would that be helpful or annoying?

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Having trouble understanding the concept of romantic love