Finding Others Attractive

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I think it's mostly an internal thing for me. Maybe because I get harassed so much, I don't like superficial attention. Sometimes someone walks in and what's inside jumps, never knowing why.

Then again, I do have a superficial appreciation of many men. But it's not the same thing. And they don't really have anything in common.

If I know somebody a little the attraction is about their behaviour and the way they treat me. Every crush I've had has been a lot about what's he's seen in me. I can't be attracted to someone who is deceptive and self-absorbed. It's just not possible. I value loyalty and transparency, I couldn't be attracted to someone whose main concern was not putting all their eggs in one basket. And I would hope that someone whose priorities were messed up like that would know better than to be interested in me. But I know that's not how they think.

I'm stupid with people, that's why I avoid them.

I've heard that's a very Aspie thing to do. It's said to be a mistake, I guess because it's ignoring the question "what can they do for me?" and maybe it's a sign that the individual is undervaluing their own right to be picky. With me it's a mixture - whenever a woman's been attracted to me, it's improved my opinion of them a great deal (same with men), but there's still been quite a big slice of my own preferences in the formula. And I probably "dismiss" a lot of people that look plain wrong for me before they even get a chance to show that they like me.....of course women aren't reknowned for pursuing men who have barely given them a second look, whereas mainstream men are "supposed" to persevere and actively chase the object of their desires even when the lady puts obstacles in the way. So much for gender equality.

Aye, in some cases, but that's not what I meant. You're ignoring the vulnerability that comes with being a damsel in distress. I could have crushes on anybody who took my fancy in my teens, but in my twenties that would have led to very dangerous situations, therefore I had to limit myself to men who cared about me so that whatever else they may do they would not drug or assault me or pluck me at a party. 'What they could do for me' in this case was make me feel like a person - knowing that someone could see me gave me lots of strength, even if the guys usually went to the other side of the world rather than leave me or deal with me.



This is what you think because you are a man - many women would have the opposite experience.

Nor sure I understand the whole of this.......are you referring to the danger of getting pregnant, and/or the danger of getting seduced and then deserted (with the resultant social stigma amd damage to self-image) ?

And the part that I've highlighted in bold - I don't want to sound pedantic but surely if a guy went to the other side of the world, then he would be leaving you? Sorry about this, I expect it does make sense, but I'm lost there



Can you elaborate on the opposite experience? In the past when I've shared my annoyance about the stereotyped male gender role with women, the usual reaction has been something like "yes, but how would you like to be female, being attracted to a guy but not being allowed to do anything about it except hang about waiting for him to make the first move?" Is that what you're referring to? Ever since I heard that, I've been even more baffled as to why practically everybody tolerates and sanctions the conventional procedure. The obstacles I referred to weren't tried on me very often, though it happened often enough for me to realise that it was some kind of mainstream convention rather than just the result of one or two individuals who were just being perverse. But the female "passivity" thing was always noticeable in every case. Even a woman who was very much against the idea of the man making the first move (she felt it was horribly presumtuous of a man to do that), also said that if I hadn't made the first sexual move, we'd never have slept together. As if she'd thought the concept through logically and arrived at the same conclusions as I had, but somehow still found herself hard-wired to stick to the convention.

For me also I am attracted to a nice body and face I'm not really all that into chicks who are really into fashion because they seem so full of themselves I like girls that wear t shirt and jeans thats always nice as I am a very casual person I dont own any dressy clothes at all.

Smart females uber attractive

I agree with this. Everyone I've ever liked was a friend first. I've seen maybe one or two people in my life that I thought "he's hot!" without knowing anything about him. I can admire certain qualities like say "that guy has a nice eye color" or "that guy has a nice neck" (<- my personal weird attraction) but I very very rarely ever think "wow he's attractive!"

What attracts me to people is uniqueness and funniness and crazy/randomness. Second to that is a giving nature and loyalty - which are actually more important to me than the first ones but are less noticeable and therefore not immediately what attracts me to get to know someone.

This is an interesting thread.

I think I am attracted to anybody who is "nice" to me, and who would treat me decently and would listen, understand my eccentricities, and would treat me well. However, that might be based on past experiences. That said, I am particularly partial to bald men with nice smiles.

Hair is important. As long as the person isn't wearing something slu*ty, thuggish, or just over-the-top, "I aint bothered". I tend to be attracted to brunettes more, like Ellen Page, or Thora Birch. I also like a balance between assertive and submissive personality. Not into fat girls at all, or extremely skinny ones.

I thought what I said was very clear and straightforward so I don't have anything to add. Except that I thought the part that you highlighted might be confusing, so I thought if someone asked about it I could provide some sample dialogue. Here is one: "take it easy, I'll see you when I get back".

Now I'm more confused than ever......can anybody else explain then?

Just leave it be! It doesn't matter.

Delighted to oblige

I honestly don't know.

I tend to be attracted to intelligence and almond shaped eyes, but other than this I don't really have a type, other than women who are breathing

I don't really see clothes as attractive, but they will catch my eye. I will occasionally see someone and think ''wow, so hott,'' but otherwise, the main thing that I find attractive is how they react with me. I'm a sucker for anybody who speaks nice to me and at least makes the attempt to understand me. Sometimes, although rarely, a guy will be so nice to me that the gender doesn't seem to register anymore (no, this was too much information. oh, well).