Lost in the fog

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You could say the same with any potential GFs. ^

I say saving for a visit is a lot less risky than getting up and moving.

Here is what can happen if he doesn't save for the trip:
He will forver be wondering "What if it had worked"?

Here is what can happen if he does go on a trip:
He could either meet his fuure partner and they get on well
He could meet the girl and it doesn't work, then he could at least say that he didn't blow money moving there, and he can have a holiday and look at the sights so at least it wasn't a complete waste of time. PLUS, he will also know when he gets back that there is no potential and there is no point continuing it, and he can more easily move on.

I know what I would do If I had the money and thought i loved someone.

Or he mite find someone else. He could miss out an an opportunity by not wanting to get involved sense he's planning on visiting B. It's also possible that B is just saying it's the distance cuz she doesn't want to hurt his feelings & likes having him for emotional support

That's exactly my point.

Saving money is good.

Blowing said saved money on the chance that a girl might be interested in him is stupid.

Attraction and dating are not like playing roulette or a slot machine.

@Ricky5, I get the fact that you're cynical - I've seen the blog you were promoting and how the author (umm, would that be you?) calculates how much money he spends per orgasm achieved (either by purchasing the services of whores or by wining/dining unsuspecting women). That's one way to look at dating/sex - as a commodity.

Obviously, there's another way to look at dating/sex - as an honest attempt to form a long-term connection (emotional and physical) with another person. You don't have to endorse that perspective (and I don't expect you to), but its not "stupid." If your approach works for you, have at it. But try to remember that your approach won't work for everyone - everyone simply isn't wired the way you are.

And let's assume that B is a decent enough person that she wouldn't allow the OP to spend the money to visit her if she truly isn't interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with him. Heck, even if she's not a decent enough person, I'm betting she'd stop him from visiting if she truly isn't interested - if only to avoid having to entertain him for x number of days during a visit.

I'm not the blogger you are referring to. But I tend to agree with a good chunk of what he says.

I don't expect folks to like what I like. I just don't want guys to be chasing what could be a dead end just because of misguided idealism or unrealistic expectations.

Good point on the last paragraph.

This.

Honestly I don't think she'd have me come out and spend time with her if she didn't care. Or wanted to just use me for emotional support. It sounds a bit ridiculous for all that effort. She told me she does see me as something more, but just don't want the long distance thing.

The optimist part of me (I'm surprised I even have that still) sees something could potentially work out here. At least I'd like to give it a shot anyway, by seeing her at some point. But well, she is halfway across the country - that'll be a toughie.

Month later update...


B: She is seeing a guy in her hometown. She doesn't think he's her one, but enjoys his company and says he's been getting better. I've still got feelings, but its fading.

A: I've talked her out of the relationship, and she understands I don't want that. However, I'm really tempted to just have sex with her, friends with benefits. I have a major fear of intimacy, and extremely shy around local women. So maybe if I lose my virginity to her, I can feel more comfortable around other women and be in a better spot for a relationship with someone else. And aside from the fact she's in Indy and I'm in Boston, it can happen.


Advice?

B is no use to you so you are doing yourself a favor by forgetting about her.

A: Compare the price of a plane ticket from Boston to Indianapolis and back ($200-$500), the cost of getting to the airport and back (taxi of around $40 both ways), the uncertainty of sex with B.

Then compare it to the price of a Boston escort who is guaranteed fun (there are plenty of places to check the ads... just google "how to use escorts").

Your call. You can blow 200-600+ on a woman who is not guaranteed or you can get guaranteed fun closer to home.

I wouldn't go to Indiana. It would be somewhere much closer to me, at the farthest Philly (five hours drive.)

I have an idea to get a party of some people on the other site from the Northeast, either in NYC Tri-State or Philly - so I at least have some other excuse in case the situation with A fails. I know some other girl wanted a meetup in Philly fairly soon.