So how do I get a boyfriend?

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Nope. I'm not for the internet thing anyway though.

I did not ask on how to get a specific type of boyfriend because I think that would be difficult to answer. Needless to say I don't want some creepy (drunk, married, way too old, dirty, etc) perv though.

Just someone relatively normal and within a few years of my age.

then you have to avoid aspies......

Alrighty the basics on landing yourself a boyfriend.

There are at least 3-4 steps one must take in order to land yourself a man.

Step 1: Attract potential suitors/ask someone out
Step 2: Interview/test suitors for boyfriend material
Step 3: Seal the deal and follow up
Step 4(Bonus): Maintenance

Attraction:
Attraction is one of those things that the boys in the house get annoyed at the ladies for. The majority of guys see girls just sitting there and then getting hit on and roll their eyes and say "see all you need to do is look pretty and you'll land yourself some tail". The ladies posting here would tell all those guys that "no, we don't get hit on constantly. We wish we would danmit". Both parties are correct... in a way. Females tend to be the perused for rather primal reasons. What females have to do however is to advertise their availability and fertility subtly so they don't get accused and abused for trying to steal the prime males.
Males are attracted to looks typically. Yes we males are shallow like that. We look for youthful, healthy, fit, well proportioned ladies. We also look for girls who are ovulating or aroused. Arousal in females is categorized by flushed lips, dilated pupils, widened hips, erect nipples, and flushed skin to name a few. The lips and skin can be faked through lipstick and makeup, perky breasts with the use of bras, and hips can be accented by using high heels (although they are painful to walk in and wreck your ankles), perfume helps with scent, and good fitting clothes will help with proportions and accent form. Now Caution must be used since the curves you show off and the more make up and perfume you put on the more provocative you look and although it may get you attention, it may not be the best kind. My general advice when it comes to your look is to tailor it to whatever setting your in. See what other people are wearing and look for way to add your own personal flair to the accepted dress code. Know that some setting allow for more provocative attire then others, you don't wear that slim black dress with high heels and necklace you wore to the club to class, and you also don't wear baggy jeans, sneakers, and a twilight t-shirt to an upscale restaurant either.
Now the next part of attraction is where I think many Aspees and Auties start having problems. Females will indicate interest by using preening gestures or indications of interest. These are subtle hints given off by the female that are meant to incise a male to come closer and establish a pair bond with her. The problem is these are typically body language clusters. Examples of preening gestures include: brushing of hair, smiling, licking of lips, eye contact, adjusting of clothing, winking, batting of eyes... the list goes on. When attracting a guy you see which ones are eyeing you. If you think he's cute, you make eye contact for a second, look away and give off one or two preening gestures, then look back to see if he's still watching or just wait for him to approach. If all else fails go up and talk to him (doing so shows you are 100% interested in him). Be sure to watch to see if he's with a girl or not, other females are just as possessive if not more so then guys when it come to their mates.

Interview
Alright, so this cute guy slides up next to you and greets you in some way. Now what do you do? Well now its time to see if he's boyfriend material or not. Most guys who come up to you who are interested in you are interested in ultimately having sex with you. Sad but true I'm afraid. If you want someone to keep you company and stay with you, you will have to sleep with him at some point in order for things to be considered a true relationship. What you want to make sure is however is that he sticks around once he has slept with you. Now I know some of you will be saying "HEY I can have a boyfriend and not have sex with him" or "I'm waiting until marriage" etc. Ok reality check an intimate romantic relationship will have at some point some kind of sexual contact, it can happen after the marriage or before but it is going to have to happen otherwise you'll find yourself cheated on and/or single.
Alright with the preachy preach out of the way, what's important is you find out if he's the kinda guy who will stay with you through thick and thin and not bail on you or try to hurt you either emotionally or physically. You do this by chatting with him and testing him. I do not know all the tests girls do and it annoys guys to no end when they do this, but the reason is simple: is he boyfriend material? If the answer is yes, then go to step 3. If the answer is no politely (or roughly if you want to be nasty about) reject him and leave (or tell him to get lost). What's important is you communicate your personality clearly and establish your boundaries and don't let him in until he's shown himself to still be boyfriend material. Its the guy's job now to demonstrate he wants you for more then just a good time.

Seal the deal
Ok so he's interesting and you want to maybe take things further. On the initial meeting usually its best to end things with either a kiss and/or giving him your number. If he's interested in seeing you again he will most definitely call. Should he call, then its time to set up a time for both of you to meet one on one and continue the interview stage of the relationship. This is what we call "dating". During this time you get to know each other further and if your interesting in establishing a relationship, set up the parameters of the relationship. Usually most females will know if a male is mate material after about 8 hours of face to face communication time but will be able to tell if she's willing to sleep with him within the first 5 minutes of contact. Hate to sound harsh but no one can truly know if they are will to stay with someone until they have had sex with them. Sexual compatibility is an important factor in relationships. Sex is the ultimate test on weather two people will stay together or not and acts as the final nail to solidify any pair bond. (At least from what I've seen anyways)

Maintenance
Now that you've landed yourself a boyfriend (mate) you need to keep your fine catch. Do this by taking what you've learned about him and giving him enough attention but still leaving him his space. Maintain your appearance (health, decent clothing), though you can go lighter on the makeup. Communication is key. Keep him satisfied in bed and don't let his eyes wander too much. I am not entirely the best person to give tips at this point since this is the realm of maintaining a relationship at this point. But yeah if you followed all those steps to this point you now have a boyfriend. Congrats!

In closing, keep in mind the basics of what I have discussed. This topic is a LOT more involved then what is written here. Also do know that I'm telling you this from book learning and being on the receiving end of these tactics. There are many many twists and turns, and yes I know I kept things very dry and emotionless, but then again on of my special interests in observing social interactions and exploring human relationships and sexuality. I do hope this helps out. I wish you the best of luck

Depends on the culture. I'm pretty afraid of strangers, and men in particular, so I have a constant 'leave me alone' wall around me. I can't tone that down even when I want to. German guys get that. Even the guys in Spain thought that it wasn't worth the hassle to try and chat me up, so the only guys that ever tried that were immigrants from Africa. Oh, an Indian guy once too.

I think the best way for a woman here to find a guy is the direct approach. If you know any guy you like; tell him straight up that you like him. do NOT try to be subtle & indirect. I gave up on relationships because I'm tired of dealing withe the "mind-games" like "playing-hard-to-get" that women tend to do. Lots of guys do NOT understand that stuff

I disagree with this. If that really is the case, then the couple's relationship was ultimately based only on sexual attraction, rather than emotional and intellectual compatibility. The latter is a far more solid foundation for a relationship. I sometimes wonder about those people who cite a lack of sex as their reason for divorce. Is that really all they cared about? If so, they should have thought a lot harder about what marriage entails. Maybe I'm a one-off, but I can guarantee you that if the only attraction I feel towards a girl is physical, I won't get in a relationship with her. It just won't work in the long run and is overall a complete waste of her time and mine.

I think you misunderstood what I was trying to say. Maybe I wasn't being clear in my statement. I'm not trying to say that sexual attraction and compatibility should be the sole basis for a relationship. What I am saying is that it is just as important as emotional and intellectual compatibility equally. During the "interview" process emotional and intellectual compatibility is assessed. Is this person stimulating to me on an intellectual? Can I see myself staying with this guy? Can this guy provide me the emotional support I need to lift me up when times are blue? are valid questions that are brought up in the dating process. But what I am saying is the final test to see weather a girl will be willing to stay with a guy is to find out if can he satisfy her physically. Done correctly, sex is used to strengthen and solidify the emotional connection between two people and enhance whats already there. Incompatibility in the bedroom often leads to problems down the road. Most humans need to feel wanted or that they belong, they also have a drive to seek out intimacy. Sex is one of the most intimate things you can do with your partner. Although sex should not be THE most important thing in a relationship, it is still important and the lack of it can cause problems later down the road. Also most males are wired want sex. If they cannot get sex in the relationship, they get frustrated and stressed out. This leads them to resent their partner or seek out alternate ways to meeting that need (ie cheating). So sure the girl may be giving them the emotional and intellectual support to make them want to stick around, but you can bet that without their sexual needs being met they will be going to the strip club or sleeping with someone where no emotional attachment exists.

It's hard to give general advice, as it depends on your specific situation. However, 3 obvious things are:

1 - Be as attractive as you can be. Basically, this means looks and personality. It is shallow, but the better you look, the better your chances (if you're not that great with fashion/beauty/etc maybe you could get advice from a female friend?). Personalitywise, genuine men don't want Stepford Wives - they want intelligent confident women - but they also want someone who's genuinely nice and fun to be with, and isn't moody/bad-tempered. Also, I know it's old-fashioned but most men are still attracted to women who can cook a bit at least (just as most women still like a man who can turn his hand to DIY).

2 - Let him know you're interested. Don't just sit there pretending to ignore him, waiting to be approached. Flirt with him, and send him a signal (e.g. with your eyes) that you'll welcome an approach.

3 - Be realistic. No offence, but unless you're very young and very hot you're unlikely to attract a Hollywood heartthrob. If you're 6/10 lookswise, for example, then that's the ballpark you should be looking in.

Hope this helps

this

All you have to do is stand there and you'll get a boyfriend! >.<

-just kidding-

What happens then, is that other females (the "alpha ones" to coin a phrase) get hit on constantly, while others who seem less approachable get ignored, or perhaps everyone get's hit on, but only a select few end up with a boyfriend, because both guys and girls are selective. Sometimes folks around here get so hung up on their differences, that they forget the ways in which they are the same.

I think it's more a matter of choosing the crowd and picking battles. Some locations will simply be more likely to yield a partner than other locations (I usually have a good chance with music majors).

Also, the chance of getting a boyfriend is directly proportional to to the number of guys you ask out. It's easy to get hit on by guys, but that's not the same as actually getting a boyfriend. A lot of guys would like to be asked out. In fact, the majority of people would rather be asked out (as opposed to being the one doing the asking). Needless to say, the one's who ask have better chances.

-Generic, one-size-fits-all advice over.-

Last edited by Ambrose_Rotten on 13 Sep 2010, 12:03 pm, edited 4 times in total.

I think Janissy's suggestion is great, and probably your best bet.

However, I have tried to do that in the past with no luck. When I was 34, I was a volunteer at a community group involved in political activism that suited my interests very well. I didn't have a job and there was tons of volunteer work that needed to be done at the center so I was there almost every day for 3 years.

I really wanted to meet someone but I just didn't know how to go about it. I was too awkward and weird. I didn't know how to flirt. I'm not pretty but I'm not awful-looking either. I have a big nose but a good body. Every day I talked to many people, some of whom I saw almost every day, and not only did I not find a relationship, I didn't find any close friends either. Or distant friends for that matter. I could talk to people while I was at the center and it felt friendly but there was no one I became close enough to to be able to call them at home.

Except for one homeless man (who was also a volunteer) who pursued me, I did not have one man show any interest in me whatsoever.

So I'm a little tired of men saying that as a woman all you have to do is show up and men will hit on you. If you don't know how to act, how to smile and respond to casual remarks with wit and friendliness, you are screwed.

And I am not someone who appears to be obviously AS. I seem NT on the surface, and yet I am still weird enough in my interactions that no one will try to approach me for a relationship or even just sex.

Most relationships start because of sexual attraction. Most people will not date anyone they are not attracted to. I've been told I'm a great guy but they don't feel that way about me a lot. Women don't feel that way about me because they aren't sexually attracted to me & I will NEVER get a chance because women don't lust over me

And this is the typical experience of women with AS



And this I also know from experience. The grass is not greener over here, so to speak. It's just as dead and brown and a little more patchy.

If someone is already over 25 or 30 and was always living in normal environment (School , university, working , living in peace, no war, no poverty , not living in orphanage , not living in cave ...etc etc) yet still never had any bf/gf (yet he or she was seeking) then that only means that this one lacks something crucial that excludes him/her of the gene pool.

Keep in mind , that advices such as "join a club or activity" for a such person are.....desperate last shots. Individuals in activities or clubs are of the same species of the people you have been dealing with during the last 30 (or so ever) years. If you have failed to get a boyfriend from the biggest population in your life (the total of people you have met in life so far) then , logically and probability-wise speaking, you will most probably also fail in getting a boyfriend out of a much smaller population such as a club's population. (and shared activities/interests don't create attraction, that's a famous stupid myth , they might help later in the relationship but they do not create the initial spark. Most couples don't have shared interests/activities).

I am not trying to put you down, I still recommend you to follow Janissy's advice , but I am just telling you that those are desperate shots so don't have very high hopes , this might be your last chance tho so if you are lucky enough then it might works.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 13 Sep 2010, 3:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

What a load of horses**t.

Yeah, this is BS, too. All the relationships I've been in have started off as enjoying a common interest, which was indeed the "initial spark". Couples who don't have anything to share don't last very long.

Don't know what else to say. That was beyond idiocy.