Women: How important is ________ to you?

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... and ToadofSteel, you can always adopt children with a woman twice your age... not encouraging you to go after women on the board, but you may be luckier if you think about women who fit 'outside the box'...

Being employed - It depends on his situation. If he's in college full-time then I don't mind if he doesn't have a job. If it's for medical reasons then he doesn't have to have a job.
Quality of job - Nothing illegal; nothing indecent.
Prospects for future advancement - Meh doesn't matter.
Having a car - Kind of important. The public transportation here sucks.
Quality of car - Doesn't matter.
Hair style - Whatever he likes.
Size of living accommodations - Doesn't matter.
Good neighborhood - A safe neighborhood is important.
Nice furniture - Doesn't matter.
Organized, clean home - A filthy home is a big no.
Muscle tone - Doesn't matter.
Skin - Umm huge red pimples all over the face are a turn off but it's not a deal breaker.
Smile - Doesn't matter as long as it's genuine.
Facial Hair (either way) Not too much. I don't wanna date the big bad wolf.
Clothing style - Doesn't matter; he doesn't even have to have a style.
Body shape - Doesn't matter as long as he can walk out of a door.
Shared interests - This is important.
Sensitivity - Sensitive but not cry baby sensitive.
Intelligence - He has to be intelligent or strives to gain intelligence.
Effort - He needs to put effort into what he does. I don't like lazy guys.
Sense of humor - We have to have a similar sense of humor.

I'll update with part two later.

Listed in order of importance.

1. Being employed/Working- Especially important if a man is looking to have the "Stay at home wife with kids" type life. Plus it screams 'responsible man' when you go on a date and can pay.

2. Quality of job- Same as #1.

3. (This isnt one you had but Im going to add it) Manages his money well.

4. Character (which includes sensativity, effort, sense of humor, giving attention, morality, loving, honesty, carefulness, respectfulness, forethought, sharing) It's great for anyone, man or woman, to cultivate character, whether dating or not.

5. Intelligence/Forethought/Wisdom- A man who knows more than just how to turn on the tv and push a button on the microwave, is another turn on. Personally I find intelligence a plus. But any sort of intelligence is great, especially if it is useful in life.

6. Assertiveness/Confidence/Courage/Persistence- Another attractive thing is a man who knows what he wants and works toward it. Whether it be a job, a goal, a woman, a house, an idea, a whatever... Plan your work and work your plan.

7. Shared interests: Being on the autism spectrum, this is a big thing. It's always great to meet someone who has shared interests.

8. Skin/Muscle tone/hairstyle/facial hair/smile/clothing style/body shape: All nice to have.

9. Quality of car/having a car/size of home/nice furniture/good neighborhood: I think this comes with having a job and knowing where you are going in life, your priorities and all of these other things will follow.

10. Romantic behavior/flattery/flirtation/sexual prowess/Playfulness
Spontaneity/Aggressiveness/Intensity: Sometimes heavy doses of these things can be a turn off. Especially when done outside of a serious relationship. Everything in moderation. Easier said than done, right.

Last edited by waves5 on 03 Oct 2010, 7:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

But how do you know when that line has been crossed?

I think that depends on the person and situation. I'm not sure it's so easy to draw a line and point at it.

When someone begins to constantly say those things out of fear of displeasing "the woman," I always assume he still sees her as a stereotype instead of an individual and that's pretty much a red flag in itself.

I can't stand men like that. My boyfriend will do that once in awhile and it makes me more pissed off to hear it. I'd rather he say what's actually on his mind, even if it starts an argument. I don't want platitudes and BS.

But by the same token, aren't you worried about an argument completely destroying the relationship?

Not really. Both of us are mature enough not to let an argument get to that point, in most cases. And if something like that can really break us up, then it would have happened at some point anyway. Better to figure it out sooner, rather than later. I still don't think it would really happen, though.

Well I try to keep it from going to an argument, but with my ex at times it felt like dismantling a nuclear bomb. And if it actually does get to an argument, I just can't handle it... i just get overwhelmed. So I do everything in my power to keep it from going to an argument...

Some people are just over-emotional like that. I certainly can be, as much as I hate it. Hormone problems do that to a woman without her permission.

I hate arguing as well. Sometimes it needs to be done, but that doesn't mean I have to want it. I certainly don't enjoy it. And it can get completely overwhelming for me. I used to shut down and refuse to talk, or touch him, and then I would calm down and come back to the conversation. He hated it when I did that, so I stopped, and now if the argument gets bad enough, I just start spouting random crap that has no bearing on the argument. Which makes things worse.

Does "medical reasons" include Aspergers Syndrome?
Actually I doubt if anybody would really insist on a partner having a job as such (can't see how that fact on its own could affect them).......more likely it's the income, or the evidence of activity/work ethic, judging by the responses here. Or do you mean to divorce when he retires?

I think for most women it's the matter of the man being able to take care of himself, one way or another. Generally that means having a job, but if he has another way to do it, great. Also a good work ethic is nice to see in a man, it shows him as being responsible and mature.

Well I'm all for discussing issues rationally... after all, the likelihood of finding a woman that thinks exactly like me is zero. But when the emotions are added, it's just impossible to process coherently...

yes, true.

or to me it is important that a man should have some kind of creative or fruitful or intellectual activity. could be art or philosophy or whatever... just something that drives him.

Yes, it isn't a long list, good humour is important too; but really it is kindness, open honesty and a lack of social vanity which is the hardest thing to find.