what women want

Post Reply New Topic

WEll no I haven't been voted in by an international organization as the spokesperson for women everywhere. I did not mean that literally. I thought that went without saying. And I'm sorry if that upset you.

Everything you just said in your last paragraph is what I've been saying. Looks are not necessarily the most important thing that women look for in a man.

And ideals of male beauty are soooo much more varied than ideals for female beauty, wouldn't you agree? Some men think women will always go for the BUFF type. You know, those guys with square chins who are so pumped with steroids they have to walk with their muscular arms sticking half a foot away from their bodies because of the size of their biceps. But I think women would just as easily go for those who LOOKED like one of the Belushi brothers, even if he was not a star, not necessarily great looking, but the personality shines through.

I also don't think a man has to be in-your-face confident in all things to be attractive. The inner qualities of respect, compassion and integrity with a sense of humor are the best words I can find to describe what amounts to a great personality.

The problem is, as I see it, is that alot of men want SEX from women, and that becomes the foremost issue when they approach women right from the get go. This attitude is very far from the qualities that I have described. It has been my experience that myself and the women I've known want desperately to be approached as people, not objects. If a man can master his own impulses to be that kind of guy, then he will be attractive to women.

Riley, I don't think we are that far apart in our perceptions about what women appreciate in men.

Watch a movie called The Tao of Steve

The only reason a 'friend zone' actually exists with women is that they've decided that you're charming enough to talk to, but not sexually attractive enough to mate with. Its nature's way of selecting the weak from the capable. Studies have shown that women can find what male they want to mate with just by looking their face. I find this talk of confidence, being nice, and being yourself comical. anandamide, the truth is your body already made up its mind about the person moments before your mind. Your mind is just there to rationalize it.

I admire Riley, at least she's honest about it!

Didn't upset me at all.. the relevency just confused me.

Depends.. male or female looks are what make you take a second glance at someone.. it doesn't mean they have to be Carey Grant.. they just have to stand out so someone will want to look further.

That used to be my type but for some reason now I'm more attracted to fem guys now.. less of a power issue I guess and they are more 'sensitive'.

True. They have charactor and charisma.. charisma is it's own virtue though and can be just as attractive as a nice smile.

'In your face confidence' is usually unattractive because it's dominant rather than genuine.. a woman should be 'lured' IMO not bullied.

Now I understand the relevency. You've dealt with alot of pigs with bad pick up lines and bad attitudes.. I think perhaps the issue is what women don't want is just as important. The 'arm lean' isn't a turn on, neither is 'spilling on her shoes while looking down her top' angle, the 'open the wallet to show of VISA cards' [debt isn't a turn on anyway].. I remember apx two years ago this guy caled me over [I thought he was going to ask directions] and he said "Would you mind terribly if I asked for a screw?" I responded with "Would you mind terribly if I smacked you in the mouth?" He started walking off and said "Well you don't have to be rude about it!" Another guy that I was starting to become friends with rang me up and we were talking about european buildings and tourism.. mid conversation he came out with "Would you mind if I have a w*k?" and I responded with "Actually I would mind David." He also had a go at me because I made him 'uncomfortable' and 'reacted badly' to his request. What makes men say these things? Ooh.. another one: I had a crush on this guy for ages.. he was really sweet until he said "You'd crumble if I put the hard word on you." If he were a MAN he wouldn't need to.. he should be able to 'woo' me [or whatever]. Another one who was REALLY hot [to me anyway], we had chemistry, we got along, he was talented and intelligent but then he came out with "I always get what I want." ..I can't stand people who say this so of course I had to make sure he didn't [get me] on princible which meant I was very frustrated but beating him at pool was worth it. If they want a conquest they've gotta be prepared to be conquered. Put your clubs away guys if you want to get somewhere.. we might take them off you.

Of course now every time I see him I feel guilty because he's gone from being cocky to sitting in the corner.


You're probably right.. I just get very analytical sometimes.

I disagree completely. I see many 'not that great looking' "jerk" guys with really hot girls because the girls are attracted to the personality. I also see shy "good looking" guys with girls who look not that great because these guys can't do any better despite their good looks.

Read this:
http://www.sosuave.com/quick2/tip466.htm

Well thanks Riley, thanks Alex, for validating my perceptions, even if there are certain points we disagree on.

I think the crux of the problem for aspie men might be the limited ability to converse with NT women. Alot of us aspies tend to be in our own minds alot. Aspie men might have a problem taking the woman's perspective into account and responding in conversation.

I think that my lack of chatter was part of my attractiveness to men. Now that I have a diagnosis of Asperger's I can see that I have this tendency to speak only when I feel I have something important to say. So my style of speaking tends to be this muteness, except when I do speak and then every statement is like a proclamation that sounds profound to some men. Some men like my lack of chatter, or they think I have the answers to life's problems.

ManErg, I don't mean to discount your experience of having close female friends who didn't want to have sex with you. It's just that I know if a guy has the right qualities, then time spent alone with him, and maybe with a bottle of wine, usually naturally leads to romance. Is it possible that there is something that you do, some behavior that you are not aware of, that is making women see you as a friend only? You said in another thread that you would have no way of knowing if your wife was taking diet pills or not. I find that a bit odd. If you live with someone, wouldn't you normally know whether or not that person was taking pills? This seems to indicate to me that you might have a problem with intimacy, one that goes beyond what you look like physically.

Alex, would you really consider that website to be an accurate source? They want to sell people a product, so they're going toll you things you'd rather believe, despite the fact that scientific evidence and countless studies have said the contrary. This is not to say that women are not attracted to personality and charisma, but that these characteristics only take priority when they get older!

That's absolutely the point I arrived at - but as I'm not aware of it, then I can't tell you what it is. I suspect it's the traits that I now think are related to AS/HFA, especially awkward movement and body language and the tendancy to get absorbed in myself. You mention this in your last post. The seduction guides mentioned above all seem to suggest that there's 2 main areas that men need to get 'just right': body language and small talk.

Even most NT men struggle to understand what women want. When you have no concept of your body language and can't do small talk, it's obviously going to be more difficult for an AS male. Is it possible that these issues do not cause so many problems for an AS female?

I think the most important trait that some aspie men lack (in terms of getting the girl) is confidence. You won't get the time of day unless you reek of confidence. You can always practice and gain a better understanding of body language, but confidence is vital.

That site doesn't sell anything.

Alex, that site is trying to get you to order their books. I dont think their bias is any clearer then it has to be.

Those books are ads for books that are sold on other sites. WrongPlanet has ads but that doesn't mean that the articles that individuals submit are any less accurate.

Also, I know from experience that looks aren't everything. Just look at me and then try to figure out why I sometimes get turned down by women.

Ok I gotta respond....in jr. high, high school and college, I dated. I didn't have problems getting a date. Some I dated were good looking, some I dated were not. I admitt, first impressions that I noticed were their looks, but if someone not so good looking wanted to ask me out and I wasn't seeing anyone, I went. But I will add this, Good Grooming People.......I hated it when guys didn't shower, nor use deoderant nor brush their teeth...UGH! And I HATED GAMES, never liked games. I never wanted anyone fighting over me, nor would I fight or compete for anyone. I always thought that was stupid. If I liked someone then no amount of fighting over me would impress me, I didn't see myself as a prize to be won. I remember I liked this guy, and I found out someone else did, I didn't try for him, figured if he liked me he would tell me, he already knew I liked him. When I found out he was "pointing" this girl and me, I said....later. I don't know, I just don't see the dignity in game playing. It's stupid and from what I see it back fires. I had a very serious relationship that when it ended I was divistated. this guy was shy and very unpopular at school. I wasn't popular at school at all, as a matter of fact, rarely did I date anyone from my school, they were either from church or another school. Anyways, it was a good relationship while it lasted, but my mom hated him and made no bones about it. When I did start dating again I dated this good looking big man on campus type of guy. He was everything my friends said was a good catch. My mom was in heaven. But he ended up treating me badly and then the straw that broke the camels back...he cheated on me. OH HECK NO!! !! !! ! I kicked him to the curb. I should have ended the relationship alot sooner and was mad at myself for tolerating him as long as I did. He was great at first, then after about a month....geez, and no......I NEVER SLEPT WITH HIM. Yet I find out he was telling people a different story...my response...either he's a lier, he dosn't know what it is, or he was sooooooooo boring I must have forgotten. Now I am married...to a wonderful man. Ok I wanted a long haired, blonde,tall and tanned surfer type guy that could sing to me. But who I married was a short, fillipino man who...well I guess you can call it singing...I wouldn't trade him for anything. I think MATURITY comes into play here. I'll keep my man thankyou very much, after 23 years of marriage he still takes my breath away. Guys...you act phoney, you get a phoney girl. You act shallow you get a shallow girl. My daughter is gorgeous, but she hates games to, and dated a guy with a wine stain birth mark on his face. She didn't care. She is now married to a guy who didn't ask her out in high school cause he has terrible acne...well they got married. Just be yourself for petes sake and stop stereo typing people.

Well said Paula.

Smell apparently has alot to do with it as well. I am very sensitive to pheremones [bizaree subject]. I have learnt that there is even a difference between 'agro' testosterone and 'sexual' testosterone.. [attributes to some of my social phobia- too much info]. If I am at a bar and I smell both on the same guy I give right away from them. I think this might be part of what women sense when it comes to 'intuition' about people.. a defensive mechanism.

Thanks.
Also saves alot of rejection time.
[..thats a joke guys.. I'm not really a callous b***h.]

I've dated older women, and younger women, and serious women, and silly women, and gorgeous women, and plain women, and the only reason I've never dated an aspie woman is that I don't want to deliberately father autistic kids.

But women never get tired of games; the games just change a lot. Older women are less concerned with finding their place in the ladder of desirability and more concerned with family, kids, and such. In such cases, you don't have to play against them so much as play WITH them. Better, for sure.



Oh man, I just have to say it:

Did you think that up all by yourself, or were there others?

Seriously, is this apropos of something I wrote, 'cause I'm not sure what you're refering to. In fact, I thought I was advocating getting AROUND being a "player" by understanding the game...(?)

In fact, here's my own aphorism: (ahem)

"If you don't know how to play the game, the game plays YOU."

(I thought that one up all by myself.)