Apparently women have certain unwritten rules about men?

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Why is it not sensible to be picky?
Basically what she means is don't be a slut who sleeps with a bunch of awful men and don't date people for the sake of it. Also, if you're not picky enough it usually ends in disaster.

"Being picky" is useless advice if it's incredibly vague.

maybe you're thinking of the book called "the rules"? That sounds like it. It just teaches women mind games and to play hard to get with men. Bunch of horse s**t that's ruined men's and women's relationships I think.

My mom and friends have told me a couple things, like:
1. Watch how a guy treats his mom, it reflects on how he'll treat you
2. It's a bad sign if a guy goes for you when he's with another girl, it means he'll cheat on you

But they aren't universal rules, they're just opinions.

The second rule of that is pretty certain, same applies for men who cheat with slappers and then she cheats on him. I have no sympathy for people who get hurt after hooking up through cheating.

I only ever remember my parents telling me they'd disown me if I "wound up with" a black guy.

Racism = totally disgusting.

There are not rules women learn from their mothers, there are rules women learn in life because they are there for good reason. Honestly most of the things women do they do for purposes of safety. Women are selective about men because they can end up in abusive situations, when there is a big difference in physical streangth you have to think about these things. This is why the be picky part is so important. The no eye contact on the street and minimalizing facial expressions is not some antiquated view from the 1950s, it is something that holds true even today, men can be extremely agressive and if you give them even the faintest clue of interest they turn.

I will say Aspie guys are at a disadvantage because of the body language issue and some of the more rigid thought patterns. It is not so much be an unwritten rule, as you may be offputting to many women is because of the body language issue. Being atypical is not necessarily helpful, since most women ultimately are looking out for their own safety. It may not be an outright red flag, but it may be enough to make her think about passing. To be quite honest, it may be better to be honest about being neurodiverse or at least having issues with body language, because at least they have some grounds to understand why you may act or seem different on that front. Honesty goes a long way with women, and it is the groundwork for any strong relationship.

Aspie women, our issue is a little different, we come off as a bit niave. We have different problems because we don't have the same tools as NT girls. We often come off as niave because we are not able to read guys as well. This may be why it is not unusual to end up with abusive partners or folks who may not be a good fit. Basically it hurts us from a defensive perspective. I was lucky enough to learn enough through verbal and written communication to spot some red flags while dating, but I had a few close calls as well.

my mother always told me 'make him buy you dinner first.'

I think that the rules referred to by the OP are subtle. It's not that your mother sits you down and gives you a list one day. Rather you pick up on things that she says or her actions over the years. If she seems to be repelled by a certain kind of man the daughter may pick up on this. Perhaps a guy started talking to her in the supermarket and she wasn't happy about talking to him. Maybe you observe things in the relationship between your parents that form your views on what you want in a your own relationships. It could be comments she makes about people she sees in films and on TV. She might see a man do something romantic in a film and express that she likes that sort of thing. This affirms in the daughters mind that this action is good and to be desired.

Yeah, I have unwritten rules. After observing my parents I will not settle for a man that doesn't talk to me. After observing a guy my friends tried to set me up with and how he has a tendancy to think he is always right and often falls out with people and then comparing him to a man I know who is really easy going and helpful I have decided I want to find a man who is easy going and will not argue his point to the extent that he falls out with others. I want some peace in my life. But I don't want someone with no backbone who won't stand up for himself or what he believes in. I don't want a people pleaser who doesn't know when to say no, but I want someone kind who helps out when he can. I want someone reliable who you know will turn up when he says he will. I don't want a guy who after knowing me for a few weeks will tell me (unsolicited) how much he earns to impress me. Goodbye Mr Showoff. I don't want someone too young. I want someone who has learned some life lessons. I want someone I enjoy spending time with, who makes me laugh and who I feel affection for. I could go on.

The rules are unwritten because you can't really carry a list around with you and hand it to potential boyfriends to read through. That would be crazy.

My grand-mother told me something similar once and i remember thinking: ''i'm going to marry a black guy when i grow up, just to piss you off''.

Yes it would be. Alot of the things I have are largely things I did not like about my own family. For example bigotry towards LGBT people, or people of a particular race is unacceptable to me. Why? Because both my mother and father had these issues. Same goes for misogyny and a host of other things. What I learned to look for in a partnership came more from things I didn't like about my parents and their relationship with each other, than things that were affirmed. I have a pretty long list of things I use to screen partners, but they are not written, nor are many really set in stone. Some are very basic compatibility issues.

Some are just things that get affirmed through most women culturally.

That is why it is a bit odd to say it is exclusively passed down to mother to daughters, because it has to do with a larger framework of socialization and life learning. Sometimes it is a reflection on the relationship that her father and mother had. Other times it is a reflection of friends and other people she knew in her life. Peer influence with regards to what are considered attractive traits in a partner do have a role to play.

To say there are a simple list of unwritten rules passed down from mothers that is universal is kind of offbase. Many of these are in part learned throughout time and with experience, and they are all a bit different. To say it is even clear and conscious is a bit of a misnomer as well. Much of it is subconscious stuff that you don't realize it bothers you or you like until you encounter it. It is part of being human.

so its like the unwritten rules of the road