Aspies dating Aspies

Post Reply New Topic

I grow more attracted to the idea of being with an aspie who is aware of her condition every week. Partially because of my discomfort with NTs, partially because of my desire to share ideas with someone, and even, partially, because of some of the women on this forum. No, seriously; some of you make me want to date an aspie woman. I'm currently waiting for my major to bring one my way for me. There's no shortage of aspies in computer science, but there is a severe dirth of females. This is what's leading me to keep the other sciences open, as well as the math department, even though I ideally would like to know another within my own major.

I am married for many years to another person similarly diagnosed.
We met while in group home living.

Most of my friends and romantic partners are/were neurologically atypical in the broader sense of the term (add, asd, cp, blind, etc.)

Whell..for a while. I, not knowing any better, kept ending up with narcissists...(argueably a person might think I am narcissistic cause I have over 700 you tube videos..but I kinda know enough about what an NPD person is like to know that I am not one...I am just a canary...and don't have a very evolved sense of "self" and my you tube videos are sorta reminders to myself that I exist..and allow me to see how I am....After some very bad accounts of dating NPD folk, I wound up with my business partner Flakey, who while not an "Aspie" has a lot of traits...he tends to attract people with borderline personality disorder...and blah...wa attracted to me because I manifest in a very childlike way...and also because he tends to be fixated on people with neuro-eccentricities...and like having us around

ANYWAY...My previous boyfriend..the guy who I referred to as my "ASish friend"...had traits that presented in a similar way to the ways in which I "present" my traits...but we had our differences...and it was a rocky relationship...We are both left-handed...He was/is very feminine and had gender identity issues..He would have explosive meltdowns over tiny things...and in a lot of ways he gave me a taste of my own medicine and I learned a lot from him. We are still friends..but it is hard to be around him without things becoming emotionally volatile..
Many facets of our relationship were unhealthy...such as his brutal honesty vs. my literal thinking and over-fixation...

Our relationship had been lingering in a state of decline for some time when I met my current boyfriend...but it sorta took my "meeting" someone who I connected with during the lonesome and unstable final months of our relationship to finally enable me to "let go" of him...
The person I met is slightly spectrumy...he even had speech and behavior therapy when he was young...He is educated and IT-oriented (computer science degree)...and has a very hard-core and unwavering obession with World of Warcraft that I cannot very well share with him, but have accepted as part of the package..as long as he does not mind that I am very intimidated by the game and not very good at it.....but he also plays the ukulele and writes songs and is very very smart and talented...and sweet and funny and sorta "Gentlemanly" in comparison to guys I have dated in the past...
We have taken things kinda slowly and though I have had some rocky times making the transition, I think there is a facet of "healthiness" to our relationship that I am somewhat unused to...so it has taken me some time to "adjust" to being in a "healthy" relationship...I have had some rocky times that simply amounted to my beating myself up over things because I have baggage from my past bad experiences...
I understand his fixations and his awkwardnesses..and he seems to understand mine...It seems really like the only sorts I really could fathom dating...I surely do not want to end up with another NPD person, and now know enough about the personality type that I could hopefully avoid them in the future...should I wind up single again during the window of time I have left where I am still "date-able"...and would definitely lean towards AS-ish types..it seems I have no choice...I really have a hard time dealing with average NTs and visa versa...

I am thrilled that you are with your soul mate who just gets you!

LOL...me too. I'm a virgo, and I'm not supposed to get along with other virgos...but I married one, and I'm not supposed to get along with geminis and I've dated quite a few...*shrug* I've come to the conclusion that it's woo-woo.

~Kate

Well thank you! I too am a romantic at heart and I love it! My partner has always talked about us being soul mates, which I'm not really sure how I feel about that, since I've always maintained that my soul mate (if any) was my dog Cinnamon! When I started learning more about AS and thinking of both of our lifelong struggles, I pointed out his Aspie-traits to him and suggested that he take a good look at AS for himself. At first, he was resistant, but I pointed out that if we are really soul mates like he says, then it would make absolute sense that both of us are afflicted with this! If we are assuming that each person is a half of the soul, then how can one be NT and one be Aspie?? He agreed with my thinking, and it seems to make sense to me! But, I don't really use the term soul mate...I think some people are quick to use that term to describe their partner, and so it has lost some of the special meaning for me. I prefer the term kindred spirits! But, whatever term I use is irrelevant. The point is that I am with a very loving and caring person who understands me (for the most part) and accepts me for who I am, and not who the rest of the world expects me to be! And that's a wonderful feeling, that I sincerely wish for everyone.

I'm all filled with mushy feelings after writing that!

Cinnamon Girl,

You are most welcome. Whether you term the requited love relationship you have "soul mates", "kindred spirits" "significant other" is inconsequential and "irrelevant" as you appropriately pointed out. It's just a matter of semantics and phraseology.

The crux of the matter is that you mutually love each other spiritually, romantically, intellectually and you are best friends and lovers. In addition, having each other's backs is everything! You choose to be together because you want to be - to the exclusion of none other!

And I ask you - does it get any better than that??

And yes I am a Hopeful Romantic - hopeful being the operative word because I wholeheartedly concur that love is life-sustaining (albeit it can have moments of agony and ecstasy simultaneously) and life-affirming! It's the very difference between existing and living!

Bravo to you for having found it. Please cherish it for it is precious!! !

Leslie

Hopeful Romantic,
This is appropriate, I think:

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."
Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

Definitely agree with this: love is love, no matter what we may call it or our partner. And to answer your question: no, it doesn't get any better! The love and support from a loving partner is enough to weather the most horrible storms. I believe that true love is out there for all of us, we just have to have an open heart and be willing to love without hesitation. Leslie, it is a very precious gift, and I do cherish it every day! I wouldn't deserve it if I didn't appreciate it in my life. And, I would be in a very different place right now without it. Stay hopeful! Love is looking for u too!

Oh well wonderful story for you!! thats awesome. i'd love going out with someone who was like me.

Cinnamon Girl,

Anyone who quotes Shakespeare is alright by me! As to me finding love, I hope you are right. Last May I broke up with my ex Harry the Aspie who I adored. He didn't tell me he was one until after we dated for a couple of months. We did not break up because he was an Aspie - long story short he had an intolerable, meddling, pain in the butt family member who interfered and I could not stand it! I did not date at all for 7 months after that!

But it's time to get back in the saddle!

As the new Year beckons, it brings with it new possibilities for fun, romance and all that jazz!! ! For some reason, I intuitively know you know what I mean!

If all goes right - maybe love will be in the air for all of us!! !

Leslie

Leslie,
Oh, what a situation! It's so terrible when family members interfere! That's one of my major pet peeves. My sister is in the same situation, and I feel terribly for her! My ex-mother-in-law was also like that, and it is infuriating! I'm sorry it was enough to break up your relationship though. But, like u say, getting back out there is important! U have a great attitude, and that draws people in to u, so don't lose ur zest!

Cinnamon Girl,

Thanks for the reply! Yes, it was a traumatic experience to have gone through - to put it very mildly! End of the day, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

All in all, I think I handled the experience well in that I had the sense not to date anyone else when I was not "emotionally available." Only once in my life did I do a "rebound relationship." And when I did it I lost Peter the Great who is and was a mammoth loss. Realize I have not dated him in years and I still refer to him as Peter the Great so that tells you how I felt about him!

In North Carolina, spring is about 6 weeks away! Spring is gorgeous here. The only problem is I have spring fever now! Over New Year's I was in Boston (Wellesley actually) and it was 55 degrees. I went to the Newport Mansions for the day - it was gorgeous!

Currently I am selling my home (divorced about a year and change). Once I sell my home, I can stay in Charlotte or leave! Change, new beginnings, and opportunities abound. Ironically enough, maybe there is a reason I might want to stay here - that remains to be seen!

Either way, I am having so much fun it should be illegal! I want to go target shooting, hiking, go on adventures hot air balloon riding, go to concerts, go to the New Orleans Jazz Festival, the Newport Jazz Festival. I wish I had the time to go to Mardi Gras but it is right around the corner!

And the Biltmore House in Asheville has Festival of the Flowers in April and May - the gardens are lush and exquisite - it makes you feel as though you are visiting the gardens at Versailles. And I have been to Versailles!

My motto is work hard, play harder!! ! The last time I heard life is not a dress rehearsal - you get one shot, so you had better enjoy it.

Whatever it is that floats your boat or chimes your bell so to speak - if it feels good - then do it!!

Got to go play . . . . . .. . .

Leslie

How do we deal with grumpy days???

I am a big grump today who just wants to stay in my shell.... I hope it dosent scare him away, because I will snap pit of it, it is just I know with ME personally, I take everone elses moods personally, which is wrong and aweful I know.... I hope he dosent do the same as me that way...

Except the problem with that is that new humans would never be born and our species would cease to exist.

Freindship and love with aspies, is in my opinion 100% better. I've never had love with an NT but after countless failed NT friendships, I'm glad my friends are all aspies like me.