AS is a DISABILITY!

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Brainiac5
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08 Jan 2011, 11:53 pm

Grisha wrote:

Brainiac5 wrote:

Let's face, people like us are as incapable of finding love as a paraplegic is incapable of walking, and we're just as helpless to change it.

QFT

I get kind of annoyed with the (sincere and very well-meaning) people who say "lose weight", "Get a job", "buy nice clothes", "join a club", etc etc etc etc etc etc etc

Like those things are going to cure your Aspergers.

Take it from someone who has done those things as far as they can possibly be done, it may spark a little initial interest, but once your AS becomes apparent they can't get away fast enough...

F*ck.

Just f*ck. :cry:

I know what you mean. Friends keep telling me to go to a bar or join a club or something, or to just stop looking and then it will happen on its own. They just don't get why what works for them won't work for me.

astaut
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09 Jan 2011, 12:05 am

menintights wrote:

Quote:

I've also dated an aspie guy (who had multiple romantic relationships, by the way) whom I had very strong feelings for.

Can't that also be taken as that while he's able to get a girlfriend, he's not able to stay that long with her?

Could. But I only know about my relationship with him, not his past ones/ones he's had since me. Plus I'm trying to appeal to the men here...I see countless posts about not being able to "get" a girl, but not many about staying with a girl or wanting to settle down. (Nothing against the male posters, that's just what I see the most of.)

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Brainiac5
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09 Jan 2011, 12:15 am

Avengilante wrote:

I can't imagine why all you guys can't find love, all this crybaby talk is so sexy.

I have AS and I'm married, so don't use that as an excuse. It most certainly is a disability, but as long as you're not DEAD, you can overcome that. But I can tell from all these negative "Woe is me" posts, that even when you find love, you're going to do nothing but complain about how it isn't what you hoped it would be, and your girlfriend doesn't understand you. You'll be happy for about a week, then you'll set to making yourselves (and your sweethearts) miserable again. And if you think not having love makes you want to kill yourself, wait until you have it and then lose it. But face the facts, you guys are never going to be happy, or ever be able to make anyone else happy, because you spend your lives wallowing in negativity and self pity.

Your situations will not change until your attitude changes.

I'm so sick of hearing that!

I'd say that you are correct about a negative attitude being unattractive. But here is what you are failing to realize: a negative attitude comes from experience. No one is born with the attitude that I know I cannot do it, especially regarding something as common as dating. In fact, because we all grow up seeing everyone around us dating and getting married and learning that it is the normal thing that all people do, we all go out into the world with the belief that I can do this without any trouble. And not because we're over-confident, but simply because everyone does it. It's like breathing.
But it is that same apparent simplicity that makes it devastating to people like me, when we go out and try our hand at this thing that everyone we've ever known can do, and realize that we can't. So I get turned down by one girl, no biggie. We all know that everyone gets turned down sometimes. But after tens, then hundreds of attempts with different women all end in rejection, we realize that there is something different about us. That for some reason we can't quite figure out, we alone are universally rejected by all women.

You need to get your chickens and eggs straightened out. Rejection is not the result of my attitude. My attitude came after, and as a result, of constant rejection.

Brainiac5
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09 Jan 2011, 12:18 am

astaut wrote:

menintights wrote:

Quote:

I've also dated an aspie guy (who had multiple romantic relationships, by the way) whom I had very strong feelings for.

Can't that also be taken as that while he's able to get a girlfriend, he's not able to stay that long with her?

I want to establish a meaningful and life-long relationship with a girl. But first things first: I need to get a girl before I can settle down with her.

DiabloDave363
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09 Jan 2011, 2:58 am

i agree its a disability, but i know we can find love. ive done it plenty of times and im 17...

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Volodja
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09 Jan 2011, 3:48 am

AS is by definition a disability, whether people like it or not

Obviously AS people can find gfs/bfs, but we do generally find it a lot harder, and some of us never will

KenM
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09 Jan 2011, 7:31 am

emlion wrote:

That's a depressing statement.

I disagree - no-one is incapable of finding love.

Well if you are like me, 42 YO and never really had a LTR, always getting rejected, friend zoned, ect.. I have been trying all my life to find my sig other. Every time the AS gets in the way. No matter how much I work on my social skills, make the other person aware of my AS, it never works out. Not having someone is leaving a big emotional hole in me.

So given my history of rejection, I do think the majority of people with AS can't find love.

Moog
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09 Jan 2011, 10:05 am

Xeno wrote:

Honestly... at this point I'm seriously wondering if ANYONE is capable of it, and if most people are just a lot better at faking it than we are. The idea that in a population of over six billion people, there is ONE person for everyone, and a good chance of them even being on the same continent, let alone just happening to magically find each other... well, people can call me a cynical pessimist who "thinks too much", but I find it all absurd, and I think I've dealt with enough of it for one lifetime.

This makes me think that on average, people approach love as some kind of weird and special thing to only be given to a single person under certain circumstances. When I think of love as something to be given to everyone in various shades and degrees, then I see that love is abundant and self regenerating. I advise those who cannot love the one they want to love the ones they are with, whether it is your family, friends, co-workers, strangers or enemies.

/jesus mode

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starygrrl
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09 Jan 2011, 10:24 am

nthach wrote:

I totally agree. I don't liken us to a humanoid Prius for nothing. A Prius is dull, awkward, boring, ugly, and exhibits quite a few similarities in how it behaves mechanically like an aspie does.

Except my boyfriend loves both me and his Prius.

Jonsi
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09 Jan 2011, 2:16 pm

If that's how you want to treat it, sure.

nthach
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09 Jan 2011, 2:46 pm

KenM wrote:

So given my history of rejection, I do think the majority of people with AS can't find love.

yep. i think god's f****d us all.

Erisad
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09 Jan 2011, 3:13 pm

Avengilante wrote:

+5

I know I wallowed in self pity here for a while. Then I decided enough was enough, I got my s**t together and I'm happy with my bf. Even better, I'm happy with myself. I still need to lose weight but I'm not desperate about it as I was before.

Jonsi
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09 Jan 2011, 3:26 pm

Deleted.

Last edited by Jonsi on 09 Jan 2011, 3:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Erisad
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09 Jan 2011, 3:30 pm

Jonsi wrote:

Gah, I gotta read through a thread more. If it wasn't for erisad, I would've missed this gem of a post. D:

Thank you?

Jonsi
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09 Jan 2011, 3:32 pm

Erisad wrote:

Jonsi wrote:

Gah, I gotta read through a thread more. If it wasn't for erisad, I would've missed this gem of a post. D:

Thank you?

Missed the post you quoted y'see.

dunbots
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09 Jan 2011, 3:33 pm

Jonsi wrote:

This is is why I stopped trying to help people in the haven or this forum. No one actually wants help, all they want is to show everyone that they are miserable. They think it makes them special and unique. I think it also helps them feel important. Because they're 'suffering' everyone gives them attention. At least that's what they want.

If you hate people with Asperger's and autism so much, then why are you on a forum for people with Asperger's and autism? Only to make them feel worse?

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