stigma of aspergers

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Well I do see posts here and there mentioning 'complaining'. I can only remind others that in the midst of a very hard situation it is not easy to be chipper and cheerful. I am happy for those of you it's worked out well for. Just be a little more generous to those of us still struggling Not everyone gets to Shangri La overnight.

In case you haven't been reading closely: I am not even sure my husband is AS at all. There has yet to be a diagnosis.

Also I have repeatedly said that I want him to be comfortable **with himself**. And repeatedly said that the problem is not whether or not he has AS. I did not come here to gripe about anyone being AS or to bash AS folks. (I'd be rather stupid if so)

The problem is that he does not show interest in speaking MY language... and will not translate for me as to his. AS or not every man is not the same. One man may do very well and explore the traits to his advantage... (just like any NT man may or may not with his). Another man may avoid his spouse and cut off his nose to spite his face. Before you assume I am being uncharitable...you've no idea what I have gone through myself.

Also, are my wants, needs and hopes not important at all? Allow me to grieve the many things I have lost in this marriage. I came here for help and understanding like everyone else. I've said that I have tried to help too by replying to other people's anguished posts... I am not here only to take.

Now you don't have to agree with me, but if you don't maybe you have yet to understand me either. But I would appreciate a little slack, or the benefit of the doubt.

I have never once posted anything LIKE, "AS men are not good people or partners, and have nothing but bad traits". Simply because I have not listed how honest he is (which also happens not to be true), or other things like that (well actually I did briefly list some good things in another thread) does NOT mean he has none or that I see none. Just forgive me if right now while facing possibly commiting my husband... I am not bubbling over with good things to say about the situation... I have more urgent issues to address! This is the forum for help in relationships right?? That is what I am here to ask for. Not assumptions... not misrepresentation. Please - two or three of you - try not to post little digs about my situation because you have yet to understand it.

I havent got a GF but I don't really tell anyone because then people will mock me even more and I will be treated like a ret*d and a onslaught of bullying will follow. I best keep it unknown to most NTs at my school. One person knows I have AS but they were told by my mentor as that person kept bullying me.

Bullying is terrible. I think schools should absolutely outlaw it the way it's been forbidden in any workplace.

Someone could convincingly sue schools for allowing this. Not only does bullying possibly put kids/teens at physical risk but emotional risk as well. An upsetting school life could potentially cloud their memories and feelings about learning, school, other people, public places, etc. And lastly it can and does hurt grade point averages, affecting the person's future life and prospects.

Bullying should not be tolerated at all by schools or faculty. (Or any place)

she devil, while your name scatres me what you say is true......i am aspie male and i found myself recently acceptrd my aspiness and am quite happy of me, i spent years tryoing to hide my aspergers from others and myself, and i agree with you here and your other posts...i think your the caring nuturing type im looking for..do you have any sisters?

For much of my rather radical talk, I don't entirely accept it myself.

I only say this because I try to be honest with myself, Because I realize that it is something that I should be proud of. And that I shouldn't feel like I'm somehow 'Wrong' as a human being.

I'm not so militant that I hate the NTs. I hate "The System", but that's something quite different.

And if someone offered a cure? I would refuse it and call them out on how offensive it is to treat us like we're diseased. You want to study things? Fine. You want to develop treatments for some of the more negative aspects? Okay. But acting like the condition itself is fundementally negative, and that we should all be pitied because oh poor us, we have this horrible affliction? I despise that.


I couldn't say when it was exactly I developed this attitude. Truth be told internal struggles are constantly going on. There's all the people who where very nice about when they expressed the idea that I was deeply flawed, and my ego saying that I am a great person.

I'm depressed enough as is. I don't need to buy into this nonsense that I have to fit in or conform to get anywhere. It's a lie. The greatest people in history where the ones that took the situation, and made it their's. Low self esteem is probably the reason why I have so many doubts to begin with.

Xuincherguixe (what is that or what does that mean btw?),

You should regard anyone with disdain that gives you the pity routine. Absolutely! I would wish that any Aspie be so comfortable with their AS that these attitudes or comments don't touch them. And if you can't get comfortable with the AS, continue to build that ego of yours. It really sounds like your ego and self confidence are at odds with each other. Self confidence can be turned around with time, practice and patience, and yes, I do believe it can be done. Now, if you have a strong ego and high self confidence, you may become a bit arrogant. But you know what? It's awful hard to pity someone that is arrogant.

donkey,

Sorry, no sisters, but I will tell you what. If my Aspie doesn't get his but in gear, I may just be available soon. (Just kidding sweets if you read here AND have figured out this is me, lol). Keep looking. Never give up. You really do find someone when you are least expecting it. You just have to be able to recognize it when it hits you between the eyes (got that sweets?) or a baseball bat upside the head.

SheDevil
(only chosen because I do love devilish, not harmful, pranks.....and then i blame the devil)

ok she devil if your aspie doesnt sort it out. lemme know, i think i want to marry you.....
i own my own appartment and a car.
and i ave a six pack in the fridge.......

I don't blame you at all. How horrible. I would hate that too. (And for what it's worth, I've felt that before, in subtle ways.)



As well you shouldn't.

First of all: It's a lie. The greatest movers and shakers throughout history were *different*. By the very definition a pioneer or a leader is different from the crowd. An innovator sees things to be done way before anyone else does, and makes progress happen almost alone. True, others add to the effort at times... But I'm just saying. It not only is a lie that people must conform and be alike to be a success, almost the opposite is true.

An opinion needs no prerequisite. What they have to say can be as false as the day is long (or longer), and yet they will say it loudly.

Listen to yourself.