Do you think this should be given consideration?

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leejosepho
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13 Jan 2011, 11:16 am

Jamesy wrote:

All that i am saying is that man has to the provider and take charge in relationships thats all ...

i have read up on the internet that aspie find it very hard to establish realtionships thats why i think that is harder for men.

Some challenges are common to all people, of course, yet one person's unique challenges (including male or female roles) are just as difficult for him or for her as another person's challenges are for that someone else. So, it is not accurate to say things are more difficult for men than for women.

My wife first married me many years ago on her hope (and on my promise) of my being a provider, but now I only "provide" a few food stamps while she does all the shopping and works to pay for everything else ... and I doubt she would have married me if things had been this way at the very beginning. So, I do understand your concerns.

The challenge for you is to come up with a realistic set of expectations for yourself and to then find a woman willing to accept you as you are ... and for the two of you to then remain committed to each other "in sickness and in health" or whatever else.

Nothing is automatically easy there, but that is what works.

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Jamesy
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13 Jan 2011, 11:21 am

the problem with me is that i am unware of how i behave? I do not know if i behave like a weird or normal person?????????????

If am weird its going to be hard for me to find a women who will accept me?

ToadOfSteel
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13 Jan 2011, 11:21 am

Janissy wrote:

If NT men have any dating advantage over AS men (a perilous overgeneralization in itself), I think that the advantage is merely their ability (sometimes) to move on more rapidly and not get hung up on a single rejection. The ability to move on rapidly and not fret over each individual rejection speeds the process of finding the person you are most compatible with.

I don't think it's solidly an NT/AS demarcation line there. The way I see it, men only looking for sex are more likely to get over a rejection, since they're more likely to just ask any woman they think is hot, without much investment into the approach. People like me (generally aspies, but not always so) that are looking for a significant long-term relationship are more likely to hang back and try to determine if the person is truly compatible before making an approach. I know that if I do that, and then get rejected anyway, it truly hurts because I put all that effort in, and still got rejected.

emlion
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13 Jan 2011, 11:24 am

I just took any oppurtunity, even if I didn't think we'd be overly compatible.
You don't know until you take a chance. If it doesn't work after a few dates, break it off.
No harm done.

MidlifeAspie
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13 Jan 2011, 11:26 am

And just how would this "programme" force NT women to put up with you? Laced drinks and firearms? Your proposal makes no sense, besides being your usual batch of blaming the world for your inability to overcome your obsession for something you will never have.

ToadOfSteel
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13 Jan 2011, 11:28 am

emlion wrote:

I just took any oppurtunity, even if I didn't think we'd be overly compatible.
You don't know until you take a chance. If it doesn't work after a few dates, break it off.
No harm done.

I should be knowing if it would work out or not before the first date. Otherwise I'm just wasting both her time and mine...

emlion
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13 Jan 2011, 11:28 am

MidlifeAspie wrote:

Mind control? That'd work.

Asp-Z
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13 Jan 2011, 11:30 am

Jamesy wrote:

Okay don't get annoyed by this thread and i know it may seem like another 'women have it easier than men' thread.

i think people should address more to society the difficulties people with AS having in the dating world. For this reason i think in the future they should set up a disabled dating programme for people who are less experienced in the major dating world. basicly it would be for people with AS who do not have very good social skills. i personally think the dating world should be a lot more flexible.

if this programme does take off then it would be mainly for aspergers men who do not have to depend so much on thier social skills etc.......

maybe we shold proposed this idea to the autistic society?

Depends on what this programme would actually do. If you plan to set something up where Aspies can meet each other, it's unlikely to work because of the Aspie male to Aspie female ratio. If you want to teach social skills, it won't work because all such things are bulls**t cons.

emlion
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13 Jan 2011, 11:31 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:

emlion wrote:

I just took any oppurtunity, even if I didn't think we'd be overly compatible.
You don't know until you take a chance. If it doesn't work after a few dates, break it off.
No harm done.

I should be knowing if it would work out or not before the first date. Otherwise I'm just wasting both her time and mine...

How is getting experience wasting time?

That's like saying it's wasting time trying anything because it might not work out.

ToadOfSteel
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13 Jan 2011, 11:33 am

emlion wrote:

ToadOfSteel wrote:

emlion wrote:

I just took any oppurtunity, even if I didn't think we'd be overly compatible.
You don't know until you take a chance. If it doesn't work after a few dates, break it off.
No harm done.

I should be knowing if it would work out or not before the first date. Otherwise I'm just wasting both her time and mine...

How is getting experience wasting time?

That's like saying it's wasting time trying anything because it might not work out.

I don't know about other people, but my goal is to find a woman I can spend the rest of my life with. Spending time in a relationship that's doomed to eventually fail is time that I could be spending looking for the one that won't...

emlion
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13 Jan 2011, 11:34 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:

emlion wrote:

ToadOfSteel wrote:

emlion wrote:

I just took any oppurtunity, even if I didn't think we'd be overly compatible.
You don't know until you take a chance. If it doesn't work after a few dates, break it off.
No harm done.

I should be knowing if it would work out or not before the first date. Otherwise I'm just wasting both her time and mine...

How is getting experience wasting time?

That's like saying it's wasting time trying anything because it might not work out.

Well, that's where you're going wrong.
But of course, you'll disagree and continuing complaining and wallowing in sorrow.
Which I know, from hard experiences, gets you nowhere.
But whatever. Good luck with that.

Kilroy
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13 Jan 2011, 11:35 am

yeah but dating doesn't work that way-no one goes into it thinking about marriage, and you can't expect to get by thinking like that

Asp-Z
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13 Jan 2011, 11:39 am

This is how you do dating properly

MidlifeAspie
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13 Jan 2011, 11:40 am

emlion wrote:

ToadOfSteel wrote:

emlion wrote:

ToadOfSteel wrote:

emlion wrote:

I just took any oppurtunity, even if I didn't think we'd be overly compatible.
You don't know until you take a chance. If it doesn't work after a few dates, break it off.
No harm done.

I should be knowing if it would work out or not before the first date. Otherwise I'm just wasting both her time and mine...

How is getting experience wasting time?

That's like saying it's wasting time trying anything because it might not work out.

QFT

I have a very successful marriage. Let me tell you what was required to get there:

I dated tons of women I met on the internet. Most of them were awful, but with each one I became a little more confident in myself and learned a thing or two about women in general. It became less nerve-wracking and I learned how to suppress my own anxieties and quirks. After doing this for long enough I met a woman who I began having a real relationship with. We moved in together and I learned all the little details that go along with sharing your space with someone you are also sharing a bed with. After a couple of years I married her. We were married for several years and I learned all the things that are important for maintaining a marriage even though I did not necessarily follow them or care at that point. So, I divorced her and went back to internet dating. I met a woman 6 months after my divorce was finalized and married her 2 years later. This is the relationship that I was always meant to be in and I would have never had it if I had not had all the previous "practice", because I would not have been ready when it came along.

Jamesy
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13 Jan 2011, 11:41 am

I got my ass handed to me in this thread. Guess I was wrong about the male role

emlion
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13 Jan 2011, 11:42 am

Quote:

I dated tons of women I met on the internet. Most of them were awful, but with each one I became a little more confident in myself and learned a thing or two about women in general. It became less nerve-wracking and I learned how to suppress my own anxieties and quirks. After doing this for long enough I met a woman who I began having a real relationship with.

This X10000.

Quote:

I got my ass handed to me in this thread. Guess I was wrong about the male role

So, for once listen - take advice and get out there and have some fun!

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