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Does "dating" just mean "sex"?

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Biokinetica
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09 Feb 2011, 5:09 pm

Getting back on topic...

astaut wrote:
I've dated a few people and we never ended up having sex, but there was always an understanding at the beginning of the relationship. Either it would lead to sex at some point, it would lead to sex if we got married, etc. You said he knew you were asexual at the beginning of your relationship, but are you sure he knows what asexual means, and what it means for you?

I think this is a good thing to consider if you didn't explicitly use the term "asexual" when discussing it. If you said something more akin to "i'm not really interested in sex right now", that's problematic. That doesn't communicate that fact that you don't want to have sex. He may have taken that as you not being ready for it yet.



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10 Feb 2011, 12:58 am

Asp-Z wrote:
Bethie wrote:
I'm a heteroromantic asexual myself.


Sounds like you took a bunch of words and stuck them together randomly, TBH... :roll:



Sounds like you're ignorant of basic sociological terminology, TBH... :roll:

I'm a woman who's romantically attracted to men, and sexually attracted to no one.

"Heteroromantic asexual" is the correct terminology.


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emlion
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10 Feb 2011, 5:12 am

Bethie wrote:
Asp-Z wrote:
Bethie wrote:
I'm a heteroromantic asexual myself.


Sounds like you took a bunch of words and stuck them together randomly, TBH... :roll:



Sounds like you're ignorant of basic sociological terminology, TBH... :roll:

I'm a woman who's romantically attracted to men, and sexually attracted to no one.

"Heteroromantic asexual" is the correct terminology.


It's not exactly rocket-science to understand when you break the words down, is it? :lol:
I think people like to be purposefully ignorant to prove their points. It's a little transparent, really.



Bethie
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10 Feb 2011, 5:51 am

emlion wrote:
Bethie wrote:
Asp-Z wrote:
Bethie wrote:
I'm a heteroromantic asexual myself.


Sounds like you took a bunch of words and stuck them together randomly, TBH... :roll:



Sounds like you're ignorant of basic sociological terminology, TBH... :roll:

I'm a woman who's romantically attracted to men, and sexually attracted to no one.

"Heteroromantic asexual" is the correct terminology.


It's not exactly rocket-science to understand when you break the words down, is it? :lol:
I think people like to be purposefully ignorant to prove their points. It's a little transparent, really.


~nod, nod~


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10 Feb 2011, 5:53 am

I understand what it means, you said it in your post. It just sounds stupid.



Biokinetica
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10 Feb 2011, 6:45 am

*sigh...*

Image



wefunction
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10 Feb 2011, 6:54 am

Asp-Z wrote:
I understand what it means, you said it in your post. It just sounds stupid.


So do a lot of words, especially words in a language one doesn't understand. That being said, it helps to expand your vocabulary for the sake of understanding other people. It's a social skill to enhance social interaction. On a forum, all we have are words so it's incredibly important to use ones that reflect exactly what is being communicated. It's your part to understand those words, without being intimidated to a point where you dismiss them as "stupid", so that you can participate. If you already know what the words mean, there should be no motivation to degrade them, and by extension the writer, unless you feel intimidated by them. Knowing what the words mean is the key is being able to get along and progress the discussion productively and positively. If you know, why fight it?

There's really only two things that derail a thread:
1 - people who insist on being counter-productive to the discussion
2 - people who whine incessantly whenever a thread goes just a smidge off-topic



r_a_n_d_o_m
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10 Feb 2011, 7:01 am

wefunction wrote:
Asp-Z wrote:
2 - people who whine incessantly whenever a thread goes just a smidge off-topic


what does this have to do with sex lol



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10 Feb 2011, 7:29 am

just-lou wrote:
My boyfriend and I have been good mates for a few years before we started "dating." He told me he's interested in me as a person, and also interested in my body. But the very week we officially started "dating," he brought up the topic of when we were going to have sex. I'm asexual, and had been avoiding the problem of what I'd do when I couldn't put it off anymore.
Why is it "dating" just seems to be a polite social word for sex? Why not just say "we're good mates - do you want to have sex?" In which case I'd have understood and said no, not really. I'm not naive, I understand that "relationships" are usually sexual - but not always. It's not necessarily an automatic assumption.


In the world and mind of the Aspie male, it's all about sex.



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10 Feb 2011, 7:31 am

Asp-Z wrote:
I understand what it means, you said it in your post. It just sounds stupid.


We've just crossed into a 4th grade recess level of immaturity.


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wefunction
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10 Feb 2011, 9:50 am

r_a_n_d_o_m wrote:
what does this have to do with sex lol


Hahaha! Yeah, it helps that our Stay On Topic Police just left the thread. :D



Biokinetica
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10 Feb 2011, 10:20 am

wefunction wrote:
Asp-Z wrote:
I understand what it means, you said it in your post. It just sounds stupid.


So do a lot of words, especially words in a language one doesn't understand. That being said, it helps to expand your vocabulary for the sake of understanding other people. It's a social skill to enhance social interaction. On a forum, all we have are words so it's incredibly important to use ones that reflect exactly what is being communicated. It's your part to understand those words, without being intimidated to a point where you dismiss them as "stupid", so that you can participate. If you already know what the words mean, there should be no motivation to degrade them, and by extension the writer, unless you feel intimidated by them. Knowing what the words mean is the key is being able to get along and progress the discussion productively and positively. If you know, why fight it?

There's really only two things that derail a thread:
1 - people who insist on being counter-productive to the discussion
2 - people who whine incessantly whenever a thread goes just a smidge off-topic

A "smidge off-topic"? That's what you call this grade-school bash-fest you all have been carrying on? And nothing about this was "incessant". It ends as soon as you all grow up.



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10 Feb 2011, 10:23 am

it's ironic that arguing about how much a thread is off topic makes it MORE off topic.
that is all.



Biokinetica
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10 Feb 2011, 10:25 am

Lonermutant wrote:
just-lou wrote:
My boyfriend and I have been good mates for a few years before we started "dating." He told me he's interested in me as a person, and also interested in my body. But the very week we officially started "dating," he brought up the topic of when we were going to have sex. I'm asexual, and had been avoiding the problem of what I'd do when I couldn't put it off anymore.
Why is it "dating" just seems to be a polite social word for sex? Why not just say "we're good mates - do you want to have sex?" In which case I'd have understood and said no, not really. I'm not naive, I understand that "relationships" are usually sexual - but not always. It's not necessarily an automatic assumption.


In the world and mind of the Aspie male, it's all about sex.

Elaborate.



Lonermutant
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10 Feb 2011, 11:30 am

Biokinetica wrote:
Lonermutant wrote:
just-lou wrote:
My boyfriend and I have been good mates for a few years before we started "dating." He told me he's interested in me as a person, and also interested in my body. But the very week we officially started "dating," he brought up the topic of when we were going to have sex. I'm asexual, and had been avoiding the problem of what I'd do when I couldn't put it off anymore.
Why is it "dating" just seems to be a polite social word for sex? Why not just say "we're good mates - do you want to have sex?" In which case I'd have understood and said no, not really. I'm not naive, I understand that "relationships" are usually sexual - but not always. It's not necessarily an automatic assumption.


In the world and mind of the Aspie male, it's all about sex.

Elaborate.


When Just-Lou said that he asked her when they were going to have sex, it was pretty obvious that he was only interested in having sex with her and that that was the only reason he was dating her at all.



Biokinetica
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10 Feb 2011, 11:58 am

Did the opening poster ever say that her boyfriend was diagnosed? If so, I missed that.