roadGames wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Not that important.
I'd rather be dead than date a shallow boring useless ars*hole.
A lot of women say this, but then boom, they're dating some tall, square jawed pretty boy. They'll attribute reasons like his personality and confidence as to why they like him, but in the end, they're dating him because he's sexy. These guys can get away with so much more in relationships (infidelity, emotional distance, lack of a career, mental problems, etc) and can be far, far more direct when they're trying to get with a girl initially.
This is how I think it works: depending on the girl's self-esteem (especially body image), girls seek to date guys whose actual physical attractiveness matches or exceeds the girl's perceived attractiveness of herself. Gorgeous girls with low self-esteem end up with men that are not classically handsome because they feel a classically handsome man will leave them quickly for another woman when they meet one with less mental issues than her. However, they're still physically attracted to these classically handsome guys. If the classically handsome guy reveals some vulnerabilities, he can lower the girl's defenses and maybe date her until some girl with higher self-esteem comes around.
In the off chance some super good looking guy should approach me, and I didn't like his personality, I wouldn't date him. Perhaps I'm the odd one out because of the AS, but I really need someone who's very compatible with me and that's not going to be some cookie cutter club hopping play boy.
The studies I've read, say most women prefer to date men in the 6 or 7 or 8 range, and stay away from men in he 9 or 10 range because they do think those men are more likely to be unfaithful. Of course that's not a rule. The other day I saw a guy who looked like he might have been some famous European soccer player or NBA player....definitely a 10, complete with the puffy white shirt romantic beach scene look, but his girlfriend was pretty average looking. Not ugly, but she definitely wasn't one of those bleached, maintenance.[/quote]
roadGames wrote:
Not to toot my own horn, but a girl with model looks that I dated for a while did not consider getting with me until she saw me in a depressed state where I was kind of dressed down. Honestly, I feel like that's kind of insidious. She dated me because I seemed vulnerable and wasn't the "psychological juggernaut" she first met. Why would you ever want to date someone that seemed weak and vulnerable unless you were a kind of a predator yourself???
Here's another ridiculous example. At the beginning of the semester, I dated a girl for a few weeks that only appeared to be actually interested in me after I revealed to her that I've been on prozac for 11 years and have suicidal ideations every now and then. What the hell? Talking about depression/being a downer is supposed to be the key way to get a girl (or anybody, haha) to not like you. I literally told her that I thought sadness was the most profound emotion and that I enjoyed making myself sad sometimes. We had sex on the first date shortly after I talked about science, depression, and suicide (I hate sex on the first date, she got me so drunk/high that I'd be down to do anything!).
There are a few possibilities here. Your revelations implied to these girls that you weren't shallow and were very capable of deep feelings, and thus deep thoughts, and revealing this aspect of your self allowed them to bond with you. Women generally need to be able to connect deeply with a guy to fall in love with him. This is why just doing nice things for her doesn't cut it, nor does just being a good listener. Being a good sharer of thoughts and emotions is important.
Option two: You have some defect that they perceive makes you perceive that you are less desirable to higher caliber women, so they think they have a better chance with you because you because you are more within their reach and a little less choosy.
Option three: A lot of women have an innate need to provide emotional support to their men.
14 Feb 2011, 12:39 pm
