zen_mistress wrote:
Do you ever feel like you spend most of your life waiting for things to happen? Big and small things, whether waiting for traffic lights to change, or waiting for a bus, or waiting for the right person to come along, or the workday to end.
There are so many minutes spent like this and I wonder if I could be doing something useful with all this time, especially since I am a very impatient person. My life really does feel like it is on hold right now. It is weird to think that I am single, so the onus of my entire life is on me, not having anyone to plan it with in partnership. So there are so many minutes......
Anyone relate?
I've been dealing with something like this for some time now. Maybe it's a bit of a mid-life crisis. Anyway, when I was younger I had a lot of ambition and hope for the future. I was planning on being a film maker, a photographer, a writer etc. I learned to do all of these things moderately well, but not enough to be terribly successful at them.
Right now I am sort of floating through my life, being carried along by the currents of life without really trying to go one way or another. The result is I feel lost and that I am going nowhere expect closer and closer to the end of my life with nothing to show for it.
A few years ago I stopped falling in love with women and in many ways it has made my life easier. But I don't really have anything to force me into one direction or another. Relationships can help kick start you. Another person can nudge you into action when you are doing nothing. When you are alone, you only have yourself to get yourself moving and doing stuff.
The conclusion I feel I am coming to is that you need to try to make each day different from the previous one. When every day feels the same, your life can slip by without your noticing it. But by forcing yourself to accomplish even some small goal every day, you may find that your life is filled with action rather than with waiting. The prospect of taking some kind of action always stresses me out, but once I've done something, I feel much better and I feel less empty. I guess the scary thing that it comes down to is that it is better to take action and make mistakes than it is to do nothing and have no life at all.
_________________
Never let the weeds get higher than the garden,
Always keep a sapphire in your mind.
(Tom Waits "Get Behind the Mule")
02 Jun 2011, 4:41 pm
