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Most women make a first impression based on their strengths and thats what Im encouraging you to do.
I have seen a quirky plain jane making a great first impression in a lot of people by just admitting that she was quirky from the first moment by joking about her quirks etc... and I have seen a great looking woman make an awfull first impression at the same people because she didnt display anything likeable(she had a huge superiority complex, was self centred, I could go on) just so you have an idea she was only invited to come along a couple of times and because a female class mate felt sorry for her. .

Hyperlexian-- I agree with you. Jamesy, I hope your negativity is only because you're venting in this forum. However, if you are negative when socializing, that could be part of your problem.

I know for me, when I'm going out on the town with my friends, I'm trying to relax and have fun. I'm trying to forget about my work or my troubles or whatever. At those times, I want to meet people who are fun and friendly, not stand-offish or negative.

My social skills improve a lot when i am drunk....... probably cuase i feel more relaxed.

if only alcohol was not bad for you

Nowadays everything is bad for you. Just remember moderation.

*says someone that started drinking today at 11 AM.*

We do things more successfully when we are relaxed, there other ways that alcohol that you can use to relax

Kinda hard thiking with my friends that my brain is impaired when it comes to social skills. it really puts you off esspecially when others criticize you for poor communicaiton.

What are you friends smoking and which hole are they talking out of? (joke)
Specially what do your friends say about your social skills.
Ok lets use there feedback about your communication skills to your advantage,
there giving you pointers to were you need to work on that's if you choice to take note of there feedback

No, I think someone will get tired of hearing you complaining so much and beat you to death. (Just kidding)

teehee

I'm totally in love with someone who has AS. I find the way he expresses himself charming. I find the way he is very structured/planned comforting. I like the fact that his way of speaking to me is the complete opposite of a player.
In my life I have been hit on and approached by men a lot. Their lack of sincerity has gotten very old.

The biggest problem that he and I have is his propensity to shutdown and pull away when we get close. If things don't work out between us this will be the reason why. It is impossible to be in a relationship with someone who will not be a part of the relationship for significant periods of time.

I guess the only thing that I can tell you is that it is in no way impossible for a person with AS to be in a relationship with someone who loves them and who appreciates many of the specific qualities that they have.

Thanks for the input, so let me ask you this,

what is it about you that makes you different. most people dont like aspies. but a few like you do. why is this? more specifically what should i be looking for to meet this small group of people that like aspies, where can i meet them, how should they be approached?

I am not 100% sure what makes me different, but I think that I tend to be accepting of people who are nice to me. If a person can't talk on the phone for example, but is willing to chat with me on yahoo or msn then I can understand this and compromise.

I have never been the type of person that just assumed people would automatically know what I was thinking or feeling. I have always felt that if I wanted someone to know something then it was my responsibility to let them know.

I like structure and planning.

I am not an overly social person, a small group of friends is fine with me. I don't suffer from social anxiety, but I am not the kind of NT that is energized by lots of socializing. However if you saw me interacting with a group of people, you may think I'm more social then I am. I can do it, it is fine but it is not hugely necessary for me. I think that these are the types of qualities that perhaps may be useful for you to look for.

For me I like to be approached pretty sraightforwardly. I believe he said to me "Hi my name is __________________ and began telling me about himself. And then asking me questions about me.

Where to meet people like me.. well I don't think there is one specific place and I don't think that just by looking at a person you will be able to tell. People make incorrect assumptions about me all the time by just looking at me.

I do like book stores and museums, quiet places are sometimes soothing for me. I'm not in those types of places every day but at times I go there by myself to enjoy how peaceful it can be. Perhaps by looking in places where a person seems to enjoy the quiet and not mind some solitude, yet if you look at them they smile at you, you will find people who have a similiar temperment to me.

I'm sorry it is not an exact science, I guess I just wanted to let you know that we are out here

So i guess what I'm putting together here is that you have certain tendencies that relate to aspergers.

I believe that aspergers is not a black and white thing many NT's have traits of aspergers.

To me that is because they are a bit more on the autistic side of the spectrum then other NT's

everyone who can think and study has a tad of aspergers in them.

Like wise any one that can ask for the time of day has a bit of NT in them.

I dont typically meet people like you in public places and i hang out a lot in places of solitude. I guess the fact that he came up to you and talked to you made all the difference. It is very unaspergers like.

when he approached you why were you interested to continue to talk to him. He must of seemed socially awkward and he must of given you the impression he was hitting on you. How come you had a enjoyable conversation with him without , i'm assuming, small talk ?

He approached me on a social networking site. I was very surprised because I didn't know him. This is where he just said (wrote..sorry I should have been more specific) Hi my name is____________________...) We are both runners and so I thought perhaps that was why. In his very blunt aspie way he said "No because you are very pretty."

For some reason that level of bluntness, that lack of "game" totally appealed to me. The simplicity of it all and lack of pretense is what caught my attention.

In person he is equally as simple with his communication with me. He can explain to me his thoughts about things, but it is always in a very logical way that I find unique.

He does have a bit of a hard time expressing more emotional things and his own emotions seem to scare him at times. I can understand this, it is not always easy to express these types of things and open ourselves up to being hurt.

Yes to answer your question he can be a bit awkard, I guess I just expect that from him now and it is a trait I find very cute.

I spent 7 years dating a total player who could look you in the eye and lie with a sincere smile on his face. He always had the "right thing" to say, but seemed to always be doing the wrong thing. It took this person a year to convince me to date him, this of course was a game because I was resistant, I didn't trust him and I was correct not too.

However after a year of heavy pursual by him, I doubted myself and we did begin dating. There were some good times, but in the end he proved to be a very insinsere person.

That relationship was a valuable life lesson for me. I value sincerity over social skills quite a bit now.

Please don't think that everything is wonderful right now between me and the guy I'm involved with who has AS. He shutsdown and won't contact me and pulls a way and I find it extremely upsetting.

However, the original question I believe was if an NT can love an aspie and since I do love him, I know the answer to the question is "Yes." I have loved him for 2 years, not a life time, that is for sure but long enough for me to feel in my opinion that an NT can love an aspie for a life time.

I wanted to add another female NT perspective. While I'm not in love with an Aspie, I do have a close guy friend who, if I wasn't in a relationship already, I could easily see myself becoming romantically involved with him. I agree with NTGRL. I find the blunt, straight-forward approach very appealing, probably because I'm a very straight forward person myself and I'm very tolerant of different communication styles, preferences etc.

Yes, there can be awkward, long pauses during conversations, but for some reason they don't bother me. Probably because I just know that's part of the Aspie world and I accept it. I think it helped immensely that, after we'd been friends for a bit, he told me that he has Aspergers. I'm someone who researches things a lot, and by learning about the perspectives of someone with Aspergers, it helped me put many of the things he does into context.

Though I believe I have a better understanding about why he does some of the things he does, I agree with NTGRL that when he has some random bouts of disappearing/non-communication, they are a bit hard to deal with. I don't think getting frustrated about non-communication is simply an NT thing, but who knows? I just know that for me, when I'm used to sharing conversations on a regular basis, then suddenly that person has just dropped off the face of the earth, that's tough. I try not to take it personally... but it CAN be difficult sometimes. (sigh)

What to look for to find an NT lady? I don't really know, but it appears that NTGRL and I share some similar traits: can be out socializing but happy with quiet solitude; perhaps a bit more tolerant to individual differences; prefers bluntness/no mind games. Understanding that it can be hard to communicate one's emotions.

Turn offs? Shutting down/pulling away.

Hope that helps -- best of luck with your pursuit!