have you ever been a target of a PUA (pick-up artist)?

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The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Jun 2011, 2:53 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Oh, so you're a manipulation expert now.


Is that supposed to mean something, Boo?


Maybe....maybe not.



MollyTroubletail
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05 Jun 2011, 2:54 pm

Well, okay, don't laugh at me please but I used to play the role of an adult escort online, inside of a MMORPG. Since the men I "escorted" paid me in valuable game items, I was motivated to seek out "clients", ie., to seduce men to give me these items. And I got really good at it. At the same time, I was seducing girls while playing a male alternate character, though the girls never gave me anything.

And every PUA has a different way of doing it. So I don't mind telling you my way, but I don't know how it would help against others.

For one thing, I can tell you that girls and guys require very different approaches. And that it requires a fortune-teller's trick, in which you deduce something is true beforehand, and then pretend that you could "see it in their eyes".

But how am I supposed to explain all the nuances? Should I role-play my trying to seduce one of you, and allow you to see how it unfolds? Should I go and seduce some innocent soul in some chatroom, and post the conversation log here for you to study?



TeaEarlGreyHot
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05 Jun 2011, 2:54 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Oh, so you're a manipulation expert now.


Is that supposed to mean something, Boo?


Maybe....maybe not.


Don't be ambiguous with me. If you have something to say, say it.


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hyperlexian
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05 Jun 2011, 2:55 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
well, i guess the thread might actually be pointless if i'm indeed the *only* person on WP who fell for a PUA.

i don't know whether it is completely possible to warn against the tricks of PUA or not, as the techniques evolve, are situationally specific, and tailored to the traits of the PUA himself (or herself). and i can see people getting upset about posting the specific techniques because it can easily come across as providing tips for future manipulators. i have mixed feelings about it.

but really, is it possible that i am the only person who was been at the receiving end of PUA stuff and ended up falling for it?


I've fallen for it before. It's only been a couple of years since I finally recognized the manipulation in my own family.

I've seen some manipulation aimed at me on this site.

thanks for sharing that. i feel a bit better knowing i am not unique.

ack. i don't know what to say to the second part. if it is some kind of general situation that can help us all understand manipulation a little better, it might be useful to talk about. but i don't want to initiate a flame war either.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Jun 2011, 2:56 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Oh, so you're a manipulation expert now.


Is that supposed to mean something, Boo?


Maybe....maybe not.


Don't be ambiguous with me. If you have something to say, say it.


I am too shy to say it in public.

What about to go to somewhere more.....private , like a pm for example. I have pics btw.



hyperlexian
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05 Jun 2011, 2:56 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
well, i guess the thread might actually be pointless if i'm indeed the *only* person on WP who fell for a PUA.

i don't know whether it is completely possible to warn against the tricks of PUA or not, as the techniques evolve, are situationally specific, and tailored to the traits of the PUA himself (or herself). and i can see people getting upset about posting the specific techniques because it can easily come across as providing tips for future manipulators. i have mixed feelings about it.

but really, is it possible that i am the only person who was been at the receiving end of PUA stuff and ended up falling for it?


I've fallen for it before. It's only been a couple of years since I finally recognized the manipulation in my own family.

I've seen some manipulation aimed at me on this site.


Oh, so you're a manipulation expert now.

if there is some backstory here, i think this thread isn't the place to rehash it.

do you have a helpful or supportive contribution?


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The-Raven
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05 Jun 2011, 2:57 pm

cdfox7 wrote:
The-Raven wrote:
how would you know they were a PUA, do you mean if they didnt stick around afterward? Some of the PUAs like long term relationships (Mystery and Straus) so not sticking around wouldnt tell if it was one. Surely if they have manipulated you, you just think 'wow he is lovely, I want him', I cant see how anyone could tell?

Only if they were a bad PUA would you tell as then you would see through the techniques but surely you would not see if they were as effective as they make out?

Ive dated jerks but I dont know if they were PUAs, I think people can be manipulative jerks without being PUA, after all thats why there is a diagnosis of sociopathy.


Have you every heard of this saying forewarned is forearmed. Advance warning and knowledge provides an advantage!!
If you know the tricks of PUA then will have the knowledge to counter its effects. :wink:

well PUA doesnt really matter to me as Im mid 30s and obese and so not their target group.

I think for women who are their target group the 2 key things are
a) if you want a one night stand its no problem if they are a PUA
b) if you want a relationship dont have sex for a few months to get to know them really well, as an aspie I think we need extra time to know them and work out if they are suited before we are emotionally involved (through sex) and as a bonus a PUA would not wait that long.



TeaEarlGreyHot
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05 Jun 2011, 2:57 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
ack. i don't know what to say to the second part. if it is some kind of general situation that can help us all understand manipulation a little better, it might be useful to talk about. but i don't want to initiate a flame war either.


I'm not so keen on a flame war, either. I'll just say back-handed compliments do not go unnoticed.


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hyperlexian
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05 Jun 2011, 2:58 pm

cdfox7 wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
i have been mulling and considering this, and i realy don't know. to me, it sort of boiled down to this question:

if someone uses manipulative/dishonest tools to commence a relationship, and the relationship ends up being mutually beneficial, is there any harm done?

i honestly really don't know. what do you think?


hun first off this is a great thread :D *give you a high five* ((((hugs))))

thank you. i had mixed feelings about it, and wondered if i made a mistake talking about this. i feel better now. i just needed to relax a bit and let people talk lol.

cdfox7 wrote:
mmm..I think what the question is hear what do we define manipulation to be. I see manipulation to be the unethical and unhealthy use of persuade plus I view at an act of energy vampirism

Yes I know that the PUA is evolving tho at its core are techniques that stay the same. Also I'll say that working on assertiveness, self-confidence and self-esteem can got a very long way to help in defence against theses dark arts.

Also it would help alot if a few of the ex PUAer's become poacher turned gamekeeper :wink:

i think you have hit the core of the issue there - PUA are successful because their targets may have some underlying or pre-existing issues.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Jun 2011, 2:58 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
well, i guess the thread might actually be pointless if i'm indeed the *only* person on WP who fell for a PUA.

i don't know whether it is completely possible to warn against the tricks of PUA or not, as the techniques evolve, are situationally specific, and tailored to the traits of the PUA himself (or herself). and i can see people getting upset about posting the specific techniques because it can easily come across as providing tips for future manipulators. i have mixed feelings about it.

but really, is it possible that i am the only person who was been at the receiving end of PUA stuff and ended up falling for it?


I've fallen for it before. It's only been a couple of years since I finally recognized the manipulation in my own family.

I've seen some manipulation aimed at me on this site.


Oh, so you're a manipulation expert now.

if there is some backstory here, i think this thread isn't the place to rehash it.

do you have a helpful or supportive contribution?


My contribution is always subtle in a useful way, my lady ;).



TeaEarlGreyHot
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05 Jun 2011, 2:58 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

I am too shy to say it in public.

What about to go to somewhere more.....private , like a pm for example. I have pics btw.


I don't know what pictures have to do with it, but a PM is acceptable.


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The-Raven
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05 Jun 2011, 2:59 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
The-Raven wrote:
how would you know they were a PUA, do you mean if they didnt stick around afterward? Some of the PUAs like long term relationships (Mystery and Straus) so not sticking around wouldnt tell if it was one. Surely if they have manipulated you, you just think 'wow he is lovely, I want him', I cant see how anyone could tell?

Only if they were a bad PUA would you tell as then you would see through the techniques but surely you would not see if they were as effective as they make out?

Ive dated jerks but I dont know if they were PUAs, I think people can be manipulative jerks without being PUA, after all thats why there is a diagnosis of sociopathy.

i have been mulling and considering this, and i realy don't know. to me, it sort of boiled down to this question:

if someone uses manipulative/dishonest tools to commence a relationship, and the relationship ends up being mutually beneficial, is there any harm done?

i honestly really don't know. what do you think?

I think if they use it to get a long term relationship they end up getting dumped as the women dont like their real personality. the PUA guru called Mystery is always getting dumped and slashing his wrists and being put in mental hospitals (so Im told).



The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Jun 2011, 3:00 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

I am too shy to say it in public.

What about to go to somewhere more.....private , like a pm for example. I have pics btw.


I don't know what pictures have to do with it, but a PM is acceptable.


I do not in a mood of sending PMs, but only of receiving them. ;)



TeaEarlGreyHot
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05 Jun 2011, 3:04 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

I am too shy to say it in public.

What about to go to somewhere more.....private , like a pm for example. I have pics btw.


I don't know what pictures have to do with it, but a PM is acceptable.


I do not in a mood of sending PMs, but only of receiving them. ;)


I see... :?


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hyperlexian
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05 Jun 2011, 3:04 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
ack. i don't know what to say to the second part. if it is some kind of general situation that can help us all understand manipulation a little better, it might be useful to talk about. but i don't want to initiate a flame war either.


I'm not so keen on a flame war, either. I'll just say back-handed compliments do not go unnoticed.

do you mean if someone says things like, "you are so pretty, but you would look even better if..."


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The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Jun 2011, 3:06 pm

:-/ Image

ok ok ....I was just trying to play the manipulator here. :oops:

But I am too nice to actually do this anyways :(, you win lads.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 05 Jun 2011, 3:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.