There's a fundamental missing element...

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and oh, speaking of job interviews, the easiest interviews I ever got were with YOUNG female interviewers. You know why? because they do most of the talk!! They always end up talking about their job roles and their companies and what my roles would be - I usually push things this way too, like I throw a question to make her start this talking chain reaction, i listen very well to her input so i can later use it during the interview in order to give a good impression.

I got a job interview a week, it was with a young lady, she ended up complaining to me about the problems they're facing at work LOL - I am still under the screening process,.... ... now the waiting...

Based on the dozens of interviews i did in my life i noticed this gender-age pattern:

- Young female interviewers are the most comforting and the least challenging.
- Older male interviews are fairy easy.
- Old female and young male interviewers are the most challenging.

Roger that, Boo. No offense intended whatsoever. (And congratulations!) You're right - just get young women to natter about blah blah blah. You won't have to say a word!

It was just a thought - I can only speak from my own experience, which is limited to a sample size of one. My guy (age 45) is a "camo-Aspie" - meaning, he's been determined to master "the art of acting NT" his whole life. So, even if not an issue for you, it might be an issue for others.

Also, I just wanted to caution against saying "people 'never' perceive me as XYZ." Really, no one has any idea, because so few people will say it to your face. I can take a good guess at how I am perceived most of the time - for better or worse - but I can't always be sure. 99.99% of everyone would probably be shocked (and horrified, miserable, depressed, etc.), if everyone else revealed such thoughts out loud.

Lastly: in the wedding reception context, I think the point about single women wanting to remain "available-looking" is a very good one, especially considering how differently married/unavailable women behave. As a non-dude, that observation makes perfect sense to me. I'm sure I've done it myself - it just barely registers at the level of conscious thought.

Meaning that no one ever saw me as a potential mate, hmm.

Could it be....because I am short? i would be shorter than most women in heels, just a thought.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 30 May 2012, 12:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well, only in that context, maybe (or maybe the particular ladies you were dancing with; it goes both ways). And, again, it's a situation fraught with anxiety if you're one of the ladies "on display"...

Motor skills. Awkward body language. It really doesn't matter if the dancing is easy, you can be awkward in your body language just standing and doing nothing.

I don't dance at weddings. Or try to avoid it. I've been forced/embarrassed into it a couple of times. One time I was asked and refused multiple times very politely and tactfully and I was badgered and shamed into doing it. I think this sort of thing is very rude and inconsiderate. They took advantage of the fact I didn't want to be really firm in refusing so as not to embarrass the girl asking me. I left an exit route for her in every refusal so she could back down gracefully and without losing face, so that the embarrassment would fall on me instead, but they (I say "they" because she had the assistance of everyone at my table) exploited this, knowing that I would not be so forceful as to do something like look her in the eye and say "No" and nothing more (I sure wanted to after the second refusal, though). It was obvious I didn't want to embarrass her, and that I was very flattered (which I was - I thought it was very nice that she asked). I feel sometimes like my good nature gets exploited a lot in all sorts of little ways like this.

It was terribly embarrassing, exactly as I feared it would be. It was a slow dance; the dancing itself was easy, that wasn't it, its not even really dancing, its just sort of shuffling around while being in very close proximity to one another. I thought she was really attractive, don't get me wrong, but it felt ... icky. There's something sort of sexual about it and up there in front of everyone ... just ... no, its no good, it doesn't feel good at all. It would be different in private, but in public it's different. I think it's kind of weird, in principle. Having all these people badger you into getting up in front of everyone and do something that's mildly sexual, which you're not comfortable with, while they all watch (and later, comment on). I know the sexuality of it is extremely mild and it doesn't mean anything, but still. Not cool.

I don't like to (partner-) dance at weddings, either (or anywhere in public). One, it's casual touch, which I have a really hard time with. Two, it always seems to be a pity thing, in who asks me (I'm one of the few people who doesn't scrounge up a date for a wedding, I never saw the point, and so ladies ask their gents to ask me to dance, and that kind of "social pity" is just intolerable). Three, it's an annoying exchange because invariably people don't believe me when I say I don't want to dance or don't know how to follow (in touch dance). I think they think that I'm waiting for someone "better" to ask me, when really I just want to be left alone to watch.

If I get really comfortably drunk at a wedding, I'll dance in the big pile of people that are dancing, but that's different.

How 'interactive' was the dancing? Were you just both throwing shapes at each other?
What sort of music? Was it real hardcore snakes in a basket stuff?

And of course I just remembered I agreed to going to a bar with live singing where I will most likely be expected to dance this friday.
Why?
Because Ive been postponing meeting some friends for a few weeks(couple of things got on the way) and I dont want them to think that Im avoiding them.

I have little/no idea how to dance(danced a couple of times last month by following the girl in front of me because I felt like doing something challenging thats all dancing Ive done this year and I wont get into last year to save the embarrassment ) and foreigners are likely to be able to dance better than me.
<Sarcasm> Its going to be so much fun</sarcasm>

Sorry for the derailing boo its just that I just remembered that and I felt like sharing it to show that you are not alone.

Bingo - and it isn't an AS thing. 90% of the NT men I've dated would not dance, period. which is fine and acceptable if a person is that visibly, intensely uncomfortable with it. Social pressure in situations like that (especially with the alcohol flowing) is to be expected. But once a certain level of resistance is reached, well-mannered NTs know to back off.

I don't think the "mild" sexuality of it is a minor issue at all. Touch can implicate sexuality, especially for Aspies with heightened tactile sensory thingies. My Aspie will NOT hug me in public. I've always accepted it, but it confused me until I connected the dots. Not being male, I did not experience the very hormonal high school years of a teenaged male, with all the unexpected . . . saluting . . . going on, or ever have to deal with hiding it in a public setting. I finally deduced that my guy had some issues with that, which is where the no-public-hugging comes from.

Women's "equipment" is hidden, so none of us have any idea what that is like. Thus, some may be pushy and rude about dancing at wedding receptions, to the point of outright disrespect. In that case, it is appropriate to be equally rude back. Either with a direct, flat-out NO; or even more entertainingly, a detailed, graphic description of what could happen "downstairs," if you are forced to slow-dance with a hottie.

I thought of a tip from the movie How To Be A Player. Go for the ugliest looking woman & the more attractive women will think your a real sweet guy by dancing with her & they will become interested.

And that leaves the ugliest-looking woman where, exactly?

Good point. I should of added or keep dancing with her if she's still interested in dancing with Boo

A common amateur mistake: people think that ugly/fat/older women are easier - they're not.

I like to treat weddings as the tacky disasters they are. Take the piss out of the whole thing by getting girls to dance with you like ballet stylee, or robotics or retro 70's cheesey disco. All with the assistance of copious amounts of booze. It is a wedding after all, it'd be rude not to.

I am against the whole wedding concept too, i don't understand why a non-rich couple would pay that much money one night while they can be invested in more meaningful things, yes the wedding industry here is crazy. http://nowlebanon.com/NewsArchiveDetails.aspx?ID=104550


Real stories about real couples' weddings i personally knew: A couple of two engineers, I didn't watch their wedding because they were already married when i knew them. This year I heard the wife, saying that she paid the last wedding loan's payment, their twin kids are 7 years old O_O.

Another couple: a broker (= unstable income) and a secretary (low income), I did watch their wedding and it was one of the fanciest weddings I've ever seen: Limo, an entrance bar where drinks and croissants/cookies were served (before getting in the main wedding hall), a large DJ, a group of pro dancers, opening fireworks, ending fireworks, plenty of food, open drink....

I went to visit them later in their new house and guess what? Their 'salon room' had no furniture! (In local houses, the 'salon' room is where you socialize with your guests, people here often don't socialize with visitors in their living rooms like in the west (unless if they're part of the family) but in their salon room, it's always the most luxurious room of the house), when i asked why it's empty they said they still need money to buy them LOL. Shouldn't be completing the house a first priority perhaps?

What's funnier, some men i knew always claimed they're gonna go against the social flow and would go only for small simple weddings, those same men ALWAYS end up in doing the usual expensive formula of wedding and i can bet it's all due to social pressure from the bride and her family, one of them who's a close buddy of mine admitted that he changed his mind because her bride's family kept nagging and kept suggesting they would help in some costs, he ended up paying most of it because he doesn't want to appear cheap.

It's becoming obvious what's the wedding is all about, it's all about show off: the bride wants to appear like a some tale's princess in front of her friends and her family in an unforgettable manner and the groom simpy doesn't want to appear like a cheap provider