How do you know when it is okay to make an introduction?

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so... you haven't been raped. enough said.

I'm an instigator because I politely introduced myself or tried to make friendly conversation? Well, next time a woman says something to me, I guess I will consider her an "instigator" and respond with hostility and abuse. After all, if she invades my space she would deserve that don't you think?

nobody said a woman should do that.

you are very hostile on this thread, towards someone who genuinely tried to help you. i have not been hostile towards you.

But you tried to justify it.



I had actually responded to someone else's comment that left me horrified that someone could say such a thing. You did genuinely try to help and I do appreciate it, but you are also acting like real abuse that has been committed against me is not even real. Well, I don't really think your rape was big deal either. It was only sex after all, you should have enjoyed it. How's that? Feels really good, doesn't it? Don't you love it when people say things like that? I'm treating you exactly like you are treating me.

errrr, no. i didn't treat you like that. i suggest that you go back and read my posts on this thread. i said nothing of the sort.

You wrote this didn't you? Well okay then how about if I reword my statement to say, "I do not think that having someone have sex with you is abusive." You were diminishing something very significant that happened to me. I am just doing the same thing, treating you exactly the way you treat me. What's the matter? You don't like it when it comes back to you? But you're more than willing to treat others that way. Do you think you have feeling and nobody else does, or do you simply think your feeling are more important?

you choose to ignore the places where i agreed that verbal abuse is a bad thing. did you notice that i said i have also been verbally abused?

women also experience verbal abuse, so it in't as though men are the only ones who experience it. and some men also experience rape. we have explained to you why women may choose to be cautious (or even, in some cases, why they may make a fuss). we don't really know what you said the the women, or what they said to you.

and we have also explained how you can avoid those situations and replace them with more productive exchanges. but the reasons we gave you made you become quite angry and spiteful on this thread (and elsewhere). that is not very producive, and it isn't really fair given the support you have received.

i'm going to leave the thread now, as i can see that you are not open to receiving honest feedback about this as it is a sore spot, and i do not think that your insults are really anything that i want to experience here. adjusting your attitude to be less harmful and angry will take you much farther in your interactions with women.

This is kinda a tough one for me. On the one hand, I know what it's like to be lonely, to want to connect with someone, particularly a woman who can add a little yin to my yang (or is it the other way, I dunno). In a sane world, there really shouldn't be anything wrong with a man saying "hello, I'm ChinaCatSunflower, what's your name?" to some woman, and compared to cheesy pickup lines or PUA douchbaggery, it's quite simple and honest.

But I pretty much never do it myself. You know why? Because I generally assume that people out in the world, men AND women, don't want to be bothered. Generally speaking, I don't want to be bothered, though I'll admit that I've had very engrossing conversations with total strangers at times. Admittedly, I haven't tried talking to women in Europe or other countries, but I really don't think American women are more rude or unfriendly than in other places. If anything, they (and we) value our private time more, and are less inclined to give it up to any Tom Dick or Harry.

So if you say "hello" and you get "Get lost you f*****g creep!", is that verbal abuse? Yes. Is it warranted? No. Is it as bad as being raped? Not even close. Sorry, I have to side with Hyperlexian on that one. Yes, it sucks that men have to be the askers and women get to be the askees in the mating game. It sucks even more when you have Asperger's. But you have to have a thick skin if you want to get anywhere with this. Because while you are entitled to courtesy and respect, you are NOT entitled to demand it.

There are other ways to meet women, better ways. Don't tell me you've tried them all, cause we wouldn't be having this conversation if you have. Email me if you'd like and we can talk about it in more detail.

I know the prejudice seems unjust, and I hate it too, but the fact is that a few members of the male population are giving women a very good reason to be suspicious of men. In fact it's worse than that: some of them are giving CHILDREN a very good reason to avoid men. Anyway, the comparison you've brought up is rape of an adult:

It isn't the same thing at all. Even though you are being hurt seemingly because you are a man, and even though you are very sensitive, it is nowhere near as bad as rape. I have listened to a lot of rape cases. I have even been a juror on two of them. Rape leaves emotional scars which last for years. It damages self-esteem and your ability to form relationships with men and makes you constantly wary of them. By its very nature it is a violent crime: rape is, afterall, assault, and that's not counting the occasions when other physical violence accompanies the rape. When women who have been victims of rape get a new boyfriend who is kind, gentle, trusting, and everything you would wish for in a man, it can make it very difficult for them to believe that this guy won't turn on a penny and rape her as well. That continues to hold even after the relationship has lasted some time. However hurt and angry and distrustful you are because of what these women have said to you, it simply doesn't compare to the emotional and psychological pain suffered by a rape victim.

CrinklyCrustacean, just so you know; this is quite an old thread - ChinaCatSunflower last visited WP on 14 Jun 2011 and Hyperlexian on 12 Oct 2016.
It's unlikely they'll see your response.