Every time I think pickup artists can't stoop any lower...

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~smile~ Arrogance is a huge turn-off to me (which some folks find funny... because of my deadpan tone and direct manner of speech, I've been accused of being arrogant myself)...

I was newly single and feeling even more unsure of myself than usual... had a bunch of guys complimenting me and hitting on me and strutting around. Not even remotely interested.

Ran into a guy I'd met online, all he could do is mumble to his shoes... I totally went after him (okay, I confess, it was the british sense of humo(u)r he'd displayed online that got my attention, but, his complete transparency was very attractive).

That might actually be a good way of declaring interest in you.

"I'm interested in you and would like to get to know you better. Do you feel the same way about me?"

I would have responded to him favorably if he had come out and said that. But, even I could figure out what the staring at his shoes and mumbling meant.

I am not great with starting conversations anyway, so I hugged him first on impulse and then told him I enjoyed his contributions to the online forum we knew one another through.

The start of the relationship was made even more awkward by my occasional inability to decipher his thick Cockney accent (which I found totally irresistible anyway ), but, luckily, he was smitten enough to work past my awkwardness.

~sighs~ After living here in the states for five years, his accent has toned down a bit, but, on the plus side, our kids have picked up on some of it, which is really cute.

I was thinking about my own situation and asking people out. At least that way I would get a 'yes' or 'no' answer without being stood there like a total eejit, fidgeting.



Well, yes. Lucky you. If you go for that, then that's a definite plus! Not that many women seem to like that, though, and it's not a good trait to have in general for men.



Ah, well you 'knew' him already without meaning him in the flesh, so to speak. That's why you were happier to take the lead - with people you only know in real life, that's rarely possible, particularly if you don't know them that well anyway.



It seems that a lot of American women really like accents from the British Isles. Wonder if there's space for a big fat pie-eating northern bastard's accent up there too?



You sound very taken with each other - aw.



It is.

I think you're being unfair to pick up artists. they're only playing by the rules women set. It's not their fault that being deceptive and cruel is the only thing women respond to.

your logic fails. if it is the ONLY thing women respond to, then no man has ever gotten laid, dated a woman or gotten married without being a jackass... and clearly, that is not the case.

~facepalm~ But, of course. ~nodding~

~laughs~ I never knew that I go for that, but, I think it was in stark contrast to my ex being such an arrogant prat.

Ah, yes... that's the difficult part about dating and why I am glad I didn't not really have to do that to land him. I really hope I never have to go through the dating awkwardness ever again. That's the great thing about online interactions, too, for us who are not NT... people tend to like me a lot sooner online... whereas, IRL... I'm... well, a bit more of... an acquired taste that takes a bit of getting used to.

This is true... it's like an uncontrollable weakness, American women CANNOT resist a British accent. Heck... my husband looks like Robert Plant and I strongly dislike long hair on men, so, it must've been the accent that got me.

Heh... well, after five years of marriage, we aren't quite as head over heels as when we were dating... but, we are an excellent match. He makes all of the phone calls and sets up the playdates and I pay the bills and handle record-keeping. He does the long lectures, I do the occasional smacked bum if the lecture doesn't work. We make a darned good team (although, even after all of this time, he does occasionally get exasperated about my intolerance of crowds and noise, which he does not even seem to notice, let alone be bothered by.). Most importantly, we keep each other laughing... I must have some verbal sparring, and, as you know better than I, the Brits are famous for their understated humor and wordplay.

It makes me smile every time I hear it. ~beaming~

Finally, someone else on this sub-forum who speaks the truth! Everyone listen to this guy...he gets it.



How is that clearly not the case? Yeah, maybe every once in awhile, a nice guy lucks out and gets a relationship, but it's definitely the exception rather than the rule.

I think some of you knickers in a knot boys who think women want a jackass because they just don't want YOU need to read this about 5 times:

I think women who try to shame lonely men for having a bad attitude should either date the guy, set the guy up with a girl, or shut the hell up. Actions speak louder than words.

I'll shut up when you stop generalising about women, and what women supposedly want.

I'm just curious...why do you even care what I think? If I really am so wrong, you should just be able to dismiss me as not worth your time. I think instead what I'm saying is touching a nerve...

I don't suffer fools. I have to correct them, that's my fall down.

The other point is that many women know that men are lonely. I'm lonely but I avoid and/or limit my needy whininess as much as I possibly can. I do it not because women will dislike it (although that's as good a reason as any) but that it is contagious and it diminishes people's opinion of you more generally.

Alright?

Last edited by Tequila on 17 Aug 2011, 3:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

The other point I'd like to pick up on is that those women that are attracted to danger often end up in abusive, violent relationships where they are act as one or more man's punching bag (occasionally at the same time - I've known cases where husbands have brought in other men to rape their wives while they watch and join in) or end up dating a string of misogynistic, violent wasters, going through them like a conveyer belt. Frequently they find out they have bitten off more they can chew - i.e. they wanted 'danger', so they find it when they realise that that's the second time they've been beaten to a pulp that month, and when they seem to like sexually winding-up the sort of men that could really hurt them.

In the scenario above, you've completely given over all power to do anything to the girl.

I do sympathise though. Learned helplessness is a terrible affliction. The good news is, it is correctable.

http://www.emotionalcompetency.com/helpless.htm
http://askthecognitivebehaviortherapist ... ut-desire/