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FINDING A MAN IS TOUGH

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hale_bopp
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24 Aug 2011, 2:12 am

Exactly... I think it's very poor advice to just tell people to date anyone.. you should only date who you're attracted to.



AsteroidNap
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24 Aug 2011, 5:13 am

Paganpothead wrote:
SadAspy wrote:
blueroses wrote:
I wonder how long it will take for someone to post something about how women have it so much easier than men?


How can anyone think this isn't true? Take an average-looking man and an average-looking woman, put both their pics on dating site, and let's see which one gets more responses. Yeah, you know the answer.

Aspy women date, marry, and have children.

Aspy men are alone for life.
I'm not alone now.... :oops: girls have started poping up out of no where.. :D
I've got two girls telling me they would like to date me...I'm going with the one I like though.


:cheers: Good to hear Paganpothead! I know you were going through a rough patch recently. The less you listen to the defeatism spouted by the likes of certain members here on WP, the better off you'll be in the long run.



Aspie1
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24 Aug 2011, 7:22 am

hale_bopp wrote:
Exactly... I think it's very poor advice to just tell people to date anyone.. you should only date who you're attracted to.

I suppose. But not all aspie women, and almost no aspie men, have that luxury. Ever since I started going on dates, if any woman showed interest in me, I started dating her, and felt thankful for having the opportunity. The only times I rejected someone who liked me, was when her actions set off a red flag in my head, causing me to worry about what she'll do in the future. And that was only twice.

I'm the only one of my friends with that ability. Maybe it's a gift :) from god, nature, or whoever, to let me compensate for my difficulties in meeting women. And if I have it, what's wrong with using it.



hale_bopp
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24 Aug 2011, 8:09 am

Aspie1 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Exactly... I think it's very poor advice to just tell people to date anyone.. you should only date who you're attracted to.

I suppose. But not all aspie women, and almost no aspie men, have that luxury. Ever since I started going on dates, if any woman showed interest in me, I started dating her, and felt thankful for having the opportunity. The only times I rejected someone who liked me, was when her actions set off a red flag in my head, causing me to worry about what she'll do in the future. And that was only twice.

I'm the only one of my friends with that ability. Maybe it's a gift :) from god, nature, or whoever, to let me compensate for my difficulties in meeting women. And if I have it, what's wrong with using it.


Relationships without mutual attraction never last. Were you completely repulsed by these women who you started dating, because if the answer is no, then surely there was some attraction?

But my dream man isn't perfect or "hot", and everyone's dream man is different, I personally believe there is a match for everyone out there.



Grisha
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24 Aug 2011, 8:16 am

hale_bopp wrote:
I personally believe there is a match for everyone out there.


I personally believe there are literally millions of matches for everyone out there.

but there are billions of people and you only get to actually meet an infinitessimally small fraction of them - your chances of meeting a "match" are nearly as small, and if you're "atypical" it's even smaller.

That's why you have to make a conscious effort to change yourself to appeal to more people, the odds are stacked impossibly against you otherwise...



hale_bopp
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24 Aug 2011, 8:22 am

Grisha wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
I personally believe there is a match for everyone out there.


I personally believe there are literally millions of matches for everyone out there.

but there are billions of people and you only get to actually meet an infinitessimally small fraction of them - your chances of meeting a "match" are nearly as small, and if you're "atypical" it's even smaller.

That's why you have to make a conscious effort to change yourself to appeal to more people, the odds are stacked impossibly against you otherwise...


A match in my opinion is a strong mutual attraction and compatible natures and personalities. I'm sure there are plenty - but I don't know about millions. :P

For less appealing people like a bitter person with no social skills, there will be less matches, but there are still matches out there. It's not about making yourself appeal to people. It's about meeting as many people as possible, even if it's 100 a day until you come across that gold nugget in the rough.



Grisha
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24 Aug 2011, 8:34 am

hale_bopp wrote:
For less appealing people like a bitter person with no social skills, there will be less matches, but there are still matches out there. It's not about making yourself appeal to people. It's about meeting as many people as possible, even if it's 100 a day until you come across that gold nugget in the rough.


That's the problem: two bitter people with no social skills will never meet each other by definition - it's a catch-22.

So they have to learn to not seem bitter and convincingly imitate social skills in order to attract someone they're fundamentally incompatible with anyway... :roll:

I'd whine about it too! :wink:



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24 Aug 2011, 8:36 am

hale_bopp wrote:
Grisha wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
I personally believe there is a match for everyone out there.


I personally believe there are literally millions of matches for everyone out there.

but there are billions of people and you only get to actually meet an infinitessimally small fraction of them - your chances of meeting a "match" are nearly as small, and if you're "atypical" it's even smaller.

That's why you have to make a conscious effort to change yourself to appeal to more people, the odds are stacked impossibly against you otherwise...


A match in my opinion is a strong mutual attraction and compatible natures and personalities. I'm sure there are plenty - but I don't know about millions. :P

For less appealing people like a bitter person with no social skills, there will be less matches, but there are still matches out there. It's not about making yourself appeal to people. It's about meeting as many people as possible, even if it's 100 a day until you come across that gold nugget in the rough.


Yeah, this is my sense too. Changing yourself into something your not only attracts the wrong people for you in my opinion. That's different, though, from changing things about you in order to enhance the person you already are. An easy example of this happens when one might be attractive, but has such poor hygiene as to become unattractive. Self-improvement is not the same as 'selling out' or 'loosing oneself'. I've seen people try to conflate the two, and they simply aren't the same.

I think it's far easier, in fact, to meet more people, rather than try to pretend you're someone you're not.



Knifey
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24 Aug 2011, 8:55 am

spongy wrote:
Sorry I cant resist to point out that generalizations about the opposite gender are against this site rules, you can read about this part of the rules on a sticky at the top of this section.


All women have one more vaginas than men do. There, I did it, another generalization, drag me to jail.



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24 Aug 2011, 9:08 am

Fnord wrote:
"Finding a man is tough"

Translation:

"Finding a man - one who is sensitive, caring, fashionable, submissive, supportive, cheerful, fun, and sociable; who is not going to hit on my attractive friends and relatives, not going to flirt with strangers, not going to object when I flirt with others, not going to try to live off my income, not just interested in me for sex, and not ever even imply that I might be putting on weight; who likes babies, cats, poetry, horses, long walks, cuddling, "chick-flicks", weddings, baby showers, bridal showers, shopping, and gossip; and who is not gay (not that there is anything wrong with that) - is tough.

Before anybody bags on me for making a "sexist" post, please understand that I posted this "translation" to illustrate the possibility that the OP may have set her standards so high that none of the men she knows would ever be able to meet them. I know several women IRL who are exactly this way - they complain that there are no "date-able" men, yet they also recite extensive check-lists of what a man "should" be before they will even consider him as date material. Such a check-list is impossible for any one man to measure up to.

Note also that I made no mention of any materialistic standards ("Must have job with corner office", "Must drive BMW", "Must own mansion", et cetera...), as I know that the "Material Girl" stereotype is both inaccurate and sexist.

Bottom line?

It is reasonable for women to have "standards" for dating, but to set these standards so high that no one man could ever hope to meet them is unrealistic. Furthermore, to have such an extensive check-list and to then complain that "Good men are hard to find" is like not telling anyone your unlisted phone number and then complaining when nobody calls.


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AsteroidNap
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24 Aug 2011, 9:19 am

Fnord wrote:
Bottom line?

It is reasonable for women to have "standards" for dating, but to set these standards so high that no one man could ever hope to meet them is unrealistic. Furthermore, to have such an extensive check-list and to then complain that "Good men are hard to find" is like not telling anyone your unlisted phone number and then complaining when nobody calls.


Since the same can be said for men, I'm not sure what the point is?



spongy
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24 Aug 2011, 9:30 am

Fnord wrote:
Fnord wrote:
"Finding a man is tough"

Translation:

"Finding a man - one who is sensitive, caring, fashionable, submissive, supportive, cheerful, fun, and sociable; who is not going to hit on my attractive friends and relatives, not going to flirt with strangers, not going to object when I flirt with others, not going to try to live off my income, not just interested in me for sex, and not ever even imply that I might be putting on weight; who likes babies, cats, poetry, horses, long walks, cuddling, "chick-flicks", weddings, baby showers, bridal showers, shopping, and gossip; and who is not gay (not that there is anything wrong with that) - is tough.

Before anybody bags on me for making a "sexist" post, please understand that I posted this "translation" to illustrate the possibility that the OP may have set her standards so high that none of the men she knows would ever be able to meet them. I know several women IRL who are exactly this way - they complain that there are no "date-able" men, yet they also recite extensive check-lists of what a man "should" be before they will even consider him as date material. Such a check-list is impossible for any one man to measure up to.

Note also that I made no mention of any materialistic standards ("Must have job with corner office", "Must drive BMW", "Must own mansion", et cetera...), as I know that the "Material Girl" stereotype is both inaccurate and sexist.

Bottom line?

It is reasonable for women to have "standards" for dating, but to set these standards so high that no one man could ever hope to meet them is unrealistic. Furthermore, to have such an extensive check-list and to then complain that "Good men are hard to find" is like not telling anyone your unlisted phone number and then complaining when nobody calls.

Thanks for the clarification.
Sorry if Im being too picky but as I was saying to another member I just want to make sure that everyone understands that the rule about controversial posts is no longer going to be overlooked at here.


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SadAspy
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24 Aug 2011, 9:52 am

Aspie1 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Exactly... I think it's very poor advice to just tell people to date anyone.. you should only date who you're attracted to.

I suppose. But not all aspie women, and almost no aspie men, have that luxury.


Exactly. I find the vast majority of women in my age group to be attractive enough for me to date, so I'm not picky, but none want me.



Knifey
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24 Aug 2011, 9:54 am

AsteroidNap wrote:
Since the same can be said for men, I'm not sure what the point is?

The point is he is saying that is exactly what she is doing with the extensive checklist she mentioned.

spongy wrote:
Sorry if Im being too picky but as I was saying to another member I just want to make sure that everyone understands that the rule about controversial posts is no longer going to be overlooked at here.

I think you are confusing controversial with sexist or offensive as I don't see any rule about controversy.

con·tro·ver·sy
noun, plural -sies.
1. a prolonged public dispute, debate, or contention; disputation concerning a matter of opinion.

<now i'm not talking to spongy exclusively>

If people can no longer post any opinion in dispute you will have to remove an awful lot of postings. In fact, I'm not sure there are any scientifically backed factual postings on here meaning most are a matter of opinion. So if anybody disagrees it's controversy!

Also can i just say sexism is not when you say women and men are different in one area. discrimination based on sex HAS to say women or men are better or worse at a particular thing. If you are offended if somebody makes a generalization about the sex's that is not sexist then grow up. Most people on the forum aren't here to pander to your desire to go through life never having to be offended.



Last edited by Knifey on 24 Aug 2011, 10:28 am, edited 3 times in total.

spongy
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24 Aug 2011, 10:15 am

Knifey wrote:
AsteroidNap wrote:
Since the same can be said for men, I'm not sure what the point is?

The point is he is saying that is exactly what she is doing with the extensive checklist she mentioned.

spongy wrote:
Sorry if Im being too picky but as I was saying to another member I just want to make sure that everyone understands that the rule about controversial posts is no longer going to be overlooked at here.

I think you are confusing controversial with sexist or offensive as I don't see any rule about controversy.

1st rule at the TOS reminder(a sticky at the top of this section created by another mod), states that: "swearing; racist, sexist, homophobic language; behavior intended to provoke or belittle other members; violent or sexually demeaning content; sexual fetish; and discussion of excretory function. Posting graphic images or videos of people or animals being harmed is prohibited. "
If one can make controversy as its done at PPR while respecting the other members(and their ideas/gender) Im more than fine with that but those on this board dont seem able to do so.


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Knifey
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24 Aug 2011, 10:24 am

spongy wrote:
If one can make controversy as its done at PPR while respecting the other members(and their ideas/gender) Im more than fine with that but those on this board dont seem able to do so.

My point is only that I have seen people make controversy while respecting other members and those members crying sexism (certainly implying it and replying with hostility) when there is none. Maybe I'm wrong though.