have you ever dated a stranger who used a cold approach?

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x2 and I have never been approached or given any sign of interest I am aware of.

f**k without a kiss?

No thanks.

I once had sex with a cute japanese girl within 2 hours of meeting, I think an old japanese girlfrind sent her round as she needed a place to stay. She was one hot thing. She showed me a photo album of all her euro sugar daddies

Dont look at me like that mom, she definitely wernt no virgin. Sigh

Oh

I agree.I tried a cold approach once with a girl who was at a library.I thought my approach and conversation went pretty well but she turned me down as she had a boyfriend[or wasn't interested who knows?] .Anyway,to this day,I really don't know where I got the confidence to do it .

thanks for all the perspectives so far, people. i don't have much to say about your opinions as i think my own experiences in this area are quite limited and quite specific to where i live, my interests, etc.

there are so many ideas in opposition here that it makes me think that it is impossible to know in advance what would work best in a given situation. there seems to be no universal set of guidelines as to what could work or what people should/shouldn't do, and the failure rate built into trial and error is going to be discouraging. i don't see a way around that - i don't know anybody who has ever been successful without also being rejected.

ultimately, i was wondering whether the best advice for some people is to work within the region of their own comfort zone (expanded as much as possible to increase opportunities), and expect that the majority of the time they WILL fail no matter which approach they try (i.e. cold approach vs. cultivating love from friendships). but every so often, the approach may strike the right note with someone. the odds will always be against them as every single person they are interested in will have their own individual comfort zone too.

we set our own limits on when we decide to give up. seems like true failure only happens when a person's self-esteem/ego cannot handle any more rejection, whether that is from one single rejection in high school, dozens of rejections over a year, or ten rejections over 20 years. it becomes unbearable pain to some people to continue to try.

that's fair and nobody expects anyone else to keep on initiating anything after they have faced their own limit, but what isn't fair is to apply those standards to other people. just because one individual throws in the towel doesn't mean everyone else should. some people can keep on trying for years or decades and never lose their hope or optimism. and that's their prerogative - to keep in going even when it gets hard.

so i guess there maybe isn't a "right" way to go about this, in terms of cold approaches vs. shifting friendship into love (or any other approach). it's going to be hard no matter what. there's no easy answer, so i am wondering if maybe it's better for some people to work with their own ideas and perceptions and expand on them as much as possible to widen the net - without necessarily trying to completely change everything they are doing, because it has no more guarantee of success anyways and their discomfort may make it hard for them to pull it off. (for people that are comfortable flipping their approach around or using multiple approaches, that's great.... but it seems like it is not for everyone).

Even for Harry Potter, with that specific book 4, that's a pretty rare occurance...which is why I just sort of blurted out to this woman how bizarre it was.

The larger point, though I didn't state it clearly, is that there is cold approach, and then there is a 'cold' approach. In my case, the 'cold' approach, wasn't deliberate. In fact, I had made up my mind that I wasn't going to talk to her. A PUA would likely have chatted her up straight away. The only reason I did start a conversation with this woman was the obvious, and bizarre, coincidence of the HP books.

In my case, there was a natural, easy reason to strike up a conversation. It was still 'cold' in the sense that it was out of the blue. I think that this approach is a better, and far less threatening, less creepy way to meet people. Your mention of the scientific paper reminds me of another incident on an airplane, though it was a conversation I struck up with a guy. He was reading a cancer research paper. I had recently lost an Aunt to breast cancer, and so when the drink cart came around, I asked him about research into preventative measures to fight cancer. I wanted to know if anyone was really studying ways we can prevent cancer rather than waiting for people to contract it and sell them a cure. We talked for quite a long time about research and such. Anyway, point being, things in the environment can be used to trigger genuine conversation.

The true cold approach used by PUA, from what I know of it, seems really forced, gimmicky, disingenuous. It seems more outcome-based, whereas if I strike up a conversation with anyone, I try to make it about being in the moment, and trying not to expect anything more than pleasant talk.

If I catch myself imagining the woman and me married with two beautiful children, I really try to kill that thought process because it puts way too much pressure on the moment. My imagination is a blessing, but is also a curse when it runs away with me.

Anyway, sorry. Went off on a tangent there....you get the point I suspect.

That's a good point. I do the same. I clear my mind of all expectations and stray thoughts except for my opening bit / topic / joke. Like clearing the debris off of a tennis court. If I have expectations or I'm thinking about something else, I won't have the focus to serve and return.

I do the same for approaching any group or individual. You can't break ice with silence.

Reminds me of the doors song, hello i love you wont you tell me your name.

Just looked the song up on youtube and ... f**k glee.

Now that I see what you guys are talking about when you say "cold approach," I'm kinda' cringing. I hope nobody here was actually thinking of trying that. Myself and a few others were just talking about striking up conversation with someone you don't know. Date or no date. It could even be making friends with someone without any romantic interest. I made my first real friend in Montgomery this same way, a few weeks ago, having hardly lived here a day. It's simply a survival technique for me, and the guy ended up knowing a ton of stuff about accounting and retirement plans.