The L&D thread not specific to one person's problem
techstepgenr8tion
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Joined: 6 Feb 2005
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 24,692
Location: 28th Path of Tzaddi
So I was hanging out with some kids I wasn't really friends with my junior year of college and there was this girl. She was being so overtly flirtatious that even with my social dumbness, I was able to pick up on it, and after a while she invited me back to her dorm to "hang out and listen to music". After we had hung out for a while, she kissed me, and following some awkward making out, she took off her shirt. At this point I realized that this was going to be one of those anonymous dorm hookups I had heard so much about. "THIS is what college is all about.", I thought, "I don't even know her last name, but I'm looking at her boobs!".
Except that I realized, as I was about halfway to home plate, that I really wasn't into it. It wasn't that she wasn't attractive, or even that I was having a crisis of conscience so much as it was the fact that she just weirded me out in some subtle, indescribable way.
At times like that you will have your own values fly back at you in ways you never would have expected them to, even if they seem utterly inappropriate for the occasion.
Well, odds are no but - when its someone you don't know the first thing about, yeah, its still enough of a risk to stay back.
What I really wanted to ask; how did that conversation go when you woke up? That would be way too much for me before my coffee.
_________________
The loneliest part of life: it's not just that no one is on your cloud, few can even see your cloud.
Of course I don't know exactly what was going on in her mind. But looking back, I believe that she actually felt her son was a burden, that somehow he was taking away her youthful 'right' to go out partying and live it up. At the time, I thought she'd appreciate a responsible guy like me, when in fact I probably represented everything she hated about her situation.
Anyway, I have a funnier story...
I was at a party (again in my oblivious early 20s), drunkish, and began chatting up this girl who I was totally hot for, though I'm pretty sure she wasn't quite as attracted to me. But before I could find out, the police busted the party. Turns out, she was under 21, the legal drinking age. So the police haul her off to jail. Well after the party breaks up, I have the wonderful idea to go 'rescue' this girl from the jail, reasoning that she probably needs a ride home. So I get in my car and drive to the station. When I get inside, the attending officer asks me: "So, you drove here? To the station?" "Yeah, officer, of course I did." "Come with me"
He proceeds to then give me a breathalizer test, which I barely fail. He throws me in the cell with the girl! haha. I'm like "I'm Luke Skywalker, I'm here to rescue you...." Only not so much. Despite the gravity of the situation, we had a good laugh about the irony, and my naivety. Her brother and his friend (both sober) came and picked us up, and I never saw her again.
This could have been and episode of the "Big Bang Theory" substituting Penny and Leonard.
_________________
"Reality is not made of if. Reality is made of is."
-Author prefers to be anonymous.
I remember asking her how the heck she knew which dorm was mine, to which I never received a satisfactory answer, and she tried to kiss me, which was really awkward. Other than that I just remember politely shooing her out of my room, using the fact that my folks were coming up to visit as an excuse.
The whole thing ended up going on for a couple of weeks, during which time I learned that the reason she was so intent on sexing me was that I was a dead ringer for her ex (as opposed to my rugged masculinity and natural charm). Eventually I managed to make it clear that I wasn't cool with casual sex or being someone's rebound doppelganger, and we parted ways.
_________________
There's a party in my head
And no one is invited
For me, it is a story I have mentioned a lot on here.
Almost 5 years ago, I met a fellow Aspie who had all the same interests and religious beliefs as me.
But at one point, there was a crucial question regarding touch, because I like touch, and if she didn't, it was a dealbreaker. I asked for advice, and she accused me of being "unable to communicate", having a "weak personality", and being emotionally unmotivated (but she didn't mention that until months after the incident). She never asks for advice, emotional support, or outside help of any kind, and she considers anyone who does to be weak and unmotivated.
About a month later, we were separated due to geographical distance due to college, but she was on the cusp of graduating, and she mentioned that there was a possibility that she might get a job in the area where I was, but she made no promises, and she wasn't limiting her job search to any specific area. Thus, a relationship was possible if she moved to my area, but not possible if she didn't. There was nothing I could have done on my part, and everything was left to chance. I decided to wait and see what would happen, but this was when she made the personality remarks, because of my decision to wait. But what other option was there when she put conditions on a potential relationship? I had never connected with anyone as well as I did with her, and I would not have been affected by her actions if she hadn't had those conditions. I couldn't just drop out of college for her. I did my best to show her that I could be a good partner, emphasizing my good qualities, and having integrity throughout the whole situation, but she continued to defend her rules.
Unfortunately, she met someone else, got engaged to him after just 5 months, and eventually married him. She closed herself off from the entire world, possibly all her friends and family, and decided that chasing him around and defending her asinine ideas about relationships was more important that having some sort of career or financial stability.
I had always been told that God would send me the right person, but I thought she was it, and she ran off with someone else. I even gave up my dream of starting a family for her (she didn't want kids).
The folks living alone with their cats had the right idea.
Hard enough to even get as far as a relationship in the first place, never mind all the trials that seem to await those who make it.
So I was hanging out with some kids I wasn't really friends with my junior year of college and there was this girl. She was being so overtly flirtatious that even with my social dumbness, I was able to pick up on it, and after a while she invited me back to her dorm to "hang out and listen to music". After we had hung out for a while, she kissed me, and following some awkward making out, she took off her shirt. At this point I realized that this was going to be one of those anonymous dorm hookups I had heard so much about. "THIS is what college is all about.", I thought, "I don't even know her last name, but I'm looking at her boobs!".
Except that I realized, as I was about halfway to home plate, that I really wasn't into it. It wasn't that she wasn't attractive, or even that I was having a crisis of conscience so much as it was the fact that she just weirded me out in some subtle, indescribable way. Being the real man that I am, I stammered "Uh, I have to go to the bathroom!", and sprinted out the door, narrowly escaping with my v-card (and likely my "No Herpes" card as well). I thought that was the end of it, until the next morning when I awoke to find her standing in a chair beside my bunk watching me sleep.
Funnily enough, that's how I'd feel about such a situation as well.
Although it sounds like you might be better off in the long run, even though it doesn't seem like it now.
Even if I hadn't pursued her romantically, I had lost a very good friend because of her fantasy ideas about relationships. Because of this, I have to pretend to be a hippie or hipster to find people with the same interests, because Christians rarely have the same interests.
The_Face_of_Boo
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Age: 44
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Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
