Is "settling" ever a good idea?

Page 3 of 3 [ 43 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3

Previous topic | Next topic

keef
Raven
Raven

Joined: 8 Sep 2011
Age: 60
Gender: Male
Posts: 104
Location: Debatable Lands, Cumbria, UK

28 Sep 2011, 3:53 am

Crow_T_Robot wrote:

As I found out the hard way, settling is never a good idea. Basically, you'll still end up alone after having hurt someone who was only guilty of liking you. Plus it might cause unforeseen complications down the road.

emtyeye wrote:

I've had four long term relationships, two with women I was both strongly attracted to and inspired by their personality, and a two with women who I was somewhat attracted to sexually but at a loss on interpersonal connection. I'd advise against it, especially if she is really interested in you. You will probably find it hard to extricate yourself later and might wind up in a dismal ongoing relationship where she wants more and you want less. Especially if you are Aspie and have a hard time talking about or knowing your feelings. I spent 10 years in a relationship like this and regreat every minute in retrospect. Now I have been with someone for 14 years who I am both strongly attracted to and definite "soul mates". We have had some very rough times due in large part to me being undiagnosed Aspie and PTSD. But I regreat none of it.

seoulgamer wrote:

I think that if Grisha is really drawn to this person, then he could at least give it a go, while not being misleading about his intentions. Quite aside from the clear drawback of being hurtful to the other person if it should happen that he's not really attracted to her, being stuck in a relationship with someone you don't really feel any personal chemistry with is just asking for trouble.

Better to be single and a little unhappy, then stuck with someone you don't like and have no hope of being with someone you truly love at all.

So so so true... take it from me!

_________________
"Smile," they said, "life could be worse" - so I did... and it was!

Time flies like an arrow - fruit flies like a banana

I love carving: www.wrongplanet.net/postxf8620-0-2276.html

mv
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 17 Jun 2010
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,131

28 Sep 2011, 7:09 am

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

Surfman wrote:

Sounds like most everyone here is happier being alone, on WP complaining.

Rather than playing titty bounce, bom bom shaka boom :?:

sigh

Do aspies not have a strong sex drive? I this the key here?

Testosterone enemas?

Lots of us have a high sex drive. I'd just rather be a nympho for the right person. :wink:

So much this ^. It's very hard (and ultimately nauseating) to try to fake a really enthusiastic sexual response (for someone who isn't quite right for me), hoping one will genuinely develop. It never does, so I just stay alone until the right person comes along. But I don't complain about it! :wink:

nick007
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,552
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

28 Sep 2011, 10:12 am

I don't think there is anything wrong with settling if you are committed to the relationship & take it seriously OP. When anyone gets in a relationship there is always a chance that someone better for them could come along so anyone who gets married & is committed to it is settling in a way. I think the issue here is do you want to be with her rather than be alone & take the chance that you could exclude better possibilities in the future

_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill

"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition

curlyfry
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Jun 2010
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,502
Location: Latitude : 45.373. Longitude : -84.955

28 Sep 2011, 10:36 am

nick007 wrote:

If you both are settling I could see that working. I have seen this and both parties seem content. But when one of the person's love is genuine and the other is false out of fear of loneliness. I think it is cruel to play with someone like that. Plus to make room for thoughts that there is always someone better leaves little hope for the possibility that both would grow to love each other more.

XlugonPyro
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 22 Oct 2007
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 44
Location: Wisconsin

28 Sep 2011, 2:35 pm

Settling can be ok, but that depends on your values and standards. Nobody can answer that question accurately except for you.

The chances of you getting exactly what you want in someone is 0%. It all depends on you being realistic.

cathylynn
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Aug 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,045
Location: northeast US

28 Sep 2011, 6:10 pm

is OP original poster? or what?

nick007
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,552
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

28 Sep 2011, 6:19 pm

curlyfry wrote:

nick007 wrote:

I don't see a problem if he explains it to her & she still wants to.

cathylynn wrote:

is OP original poster? or what?

Yep that's what it stands for

pyramid
Butterfly

Joined: 26 Sep 2011
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 16

30 Sep 2011, 2:03 am

If it's what you want to do, why not. Most people settle. Most people want to be most people. If you don't, you'll have to fight for it and take chances. If you're not one of them, you'd never settle. Sky's the limit but only through hail and fire.

hEllo_Moto
Hummingbird

Joined: 29 Sep 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 24
Location: Oxfordshire, UK

01 Oct 2011, 5:09 pm

Grisha wrote:

I never said she was necessarily genuinely attracted to me, in fact last time I saw her she talked about how she's struggling a bit financially. I

I can't say for sure that I've ever been considered to be genuinely attractive to anyone - there's always an agenda that I find out about later.

At least you know if someone is attracted to you, that they are probably actually attracted to you...

Do you really want someone who wants you just for your money? You know you don't want that, it isn't good enough. Why would you want someone who isn't interested in who you are? The relationship would surely make you feel depleted, or at least like there's something better out there, and you're missing out, yet you're taken and you're trapped.

RICKY5
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Dec 2009
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,201

01 Oct 2011, 6:00 pm

Grisha wrote:

ToadOfSteel wrote:

Honestly if there was a girl that was genuinely attracted to me, i'd definitely go for it... but then again you're not an unlovable loner...

I never said she was necessarily genuinely attracted to me, in fact last time I saw her she talked about how she's struggling a bit financially. I

I can't say for sure that I've ever been considered to be genuinely attractive to anyone - there's always an agenda that I find out about later.

At least you know if someone is attracted to you, that they are probably actually attracted to you...

Everyone has an agenda.

Zinnel
Velociraptor

Joined: 2 Sep 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 405
Location: Missouri, USA

01 Oct 2011, 6:38 pm

i just one question by settling do u mean asking her out on a date or marrying her?

cuz it sounds like everyone here is thinking that this is a done deal

but if u havnt dated her yet then WTH!!

personaily i give her a chance maybe ull find something u didnt expect was there
then again maybe ull just find u indeed hav nothing with her

but if ur asking us if should marry her well the answer is "hell no"

_________________
keep an open mind but not so open your brain falls out

Page 3 of 3 [ 43 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3

Jump to:

Is "settling" ever a good idea? Post Reply New Topic

Is "settling" ever a good idea?