Very attractive girl says...All I had to do was wait...

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I dont know about where you guys live, but in New Zealand, formal dating has been only happening over the last 15 years, and even in these cases it doesnt happen that often.

Most people just meet through friends or at work or at a party or university and then just end up together by some sort of osmotic process, ie too many glasses of wine, a plan made to see a movie, or just bumping into said person somewhere.

So I dont really understand all this dating stuff, and I have never had men initiate on me. In fact New Zealand men are very reserved, and I end up having to initiate things a lot of the time.

So I dont really understand why men are always going on about hating having to initiate etc, it is not something I have ever had experience of, and even when I was living in England and Ireland I never experienced this formal dating thing where the man asks you out etc.

^ I also think it's in ignorance of the fact that for the women in the majority, IE, overweight, the single mom with kids, has acne, etc,
it's the *women* who have to do the pursuing. It's always said the men whining about jerks getting all the women are paying attention to the wrong men, but I think they're paying attention to a tiny fraction of women, as well.

^ Couldnt agree more. In fact I was watching Beauty and The Geek once, and there were these geeky men, and it was the end of the series. The "geek" men were all crushing on this pretty blonde girl who looked like an underwear model, and none of them seemed to like the other girls who were plainer than her. There was footage of one of these girls looking a little disappointed as I think she liked one of the guys but he wanted the blonde girl with the big rack. So there really are two sides to this. Men are themselves choosy so they cant blame women for doing so too.

I am one of the ones claiming to be rarely approached by men. In my case it was because of what I say in another thread, in New Zealand people are not really bold here in that way, things are done subtly, and in casual settings.

But also, my problem has been that my personality has always been pretty weird and way out and in my teens and 20s that probably scared a lot of men off.

Also, many aspie females may find that their lack of social reciprocity may lead a man to think they wouldnt respond, so they find that they are not approached.

I am finding that men are more forthcoming to me now than when I was younger and thinner, though I am not sure why this is.

^ I don't know if I would go so far as to say its due to the rise of patriarchy- but I do think it has to do with social structure. Looking at the difference between chimpanzees and bonobos (our closest relatives), it seems males do much more pursuing among chimps and the social structure is more rigidly hierarchical. Its interesting because the social difference between such closely related species is brought about by environmental pressures (quick overview- chimps compete with gorillas for food resources and so must travel greater distances, necessitating smaller family groups= competing for dominance) To explain this further, bonobos which have larger family groups have less competition because it is easier for say a group of females to form an alliance and turn on the alpha male, therefore he is more likely to maintain his dominance through cooperation than coercion.

And among bonobos pursuing seems to be equal among the sexes (females certainly do a lot of pursuing of each other). So does it come down to a question of dominance? The other question is weither men actually do most of the pursuing, is it true across all human cultures?

In relation to the original post, I didn't like the blog post- I thought it was overly simplistic. As a women I was kind of irritated by it, wasn't going to say anything because I didn't want to get banned. But seriously if I just talked about my experience it wouldn't be relevant to 99% other females on here.

Funny, i was just reading this article today: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/evolution/libra ... 73_03.html

p.s. Thanks for the article- very clearly summed up stuff I have read from many different sources. I'm going to go back and re-read it when I have more time