Always been unloved, always will be. Is suicide the only ans

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It sounds like that might be the ticket though. If you're feisty and people are afraid to mess with you because you have the will to do what the other guy or girl won't, that alone should true things up at least a little.

You're entitled to think what you want, you can generalize all you like, you're entitled to think that all successful people were simply handed it to them by alien zealots if it helps you sleep at night. Also why do you keep referring to women of a different sexual preference as dykes? I find it quite derogatory. You're saying all potential employers, teachers and men discriminate against looks? Perhaps if you're going to be a stripper or a showgirl. Not everyone is as biased as you, I certainly don't put someone on a pedestal simply because they're more physically attractive.

I have Asperger's yes, it makes me quite blunt and matter-of-fact, especially online which is a place to vent, but I'd never actually act like that in real life or w/ ppl I know:D

Wolfheart, I think if said people call me a dog and once almost punched me in the face (saved by a hot girl friend of mine) then I can call them back whatever I want. I've never had a positive experience with one of them. And you can think that you behave however you want, that ain't gonna change how you actually behave, now is it? I never said there aren't exceptions but why do I never meet them? I've gotten a low grade for a test with one mistake with a hot girl getting a high grade for one with at least three, explain that if you can with your la-la-land looks don't matter philosophy? Every male teacher I've ever had has been rude to me, I've been nothing but nice since I can't AFFORD to act rude. So sorry if I enjoy being rude the only place I can get away with it without being spat on(has happened, guess if it was a man or a woman:D) or punched in the face.

This isn't about successful people or whatever you want to think while putting words in my mouth. FYI, behaviour only counts with average-looking women. Ugly women get treated worse and pretty ones better no matter what when they're dealing with people that are sexually attracted to them. And people whose faces are disgusting on an instinctive level get treated worse, why is that so hard for you to understand?

I think you have your answer, learn to be a formidable bi**h. Just trying to put two altruistic cents in, if people are walking on you for breathing and getting away with it that's likely the key problem.

I appreciate your answer, and it's easier said than done with some of the bullies I've met, but still good advice:D Though I don't think learning to be a b***h would help relieve my loneliness, which was what I actually asked about.

Work on being someone they need to know. Find a niche for power. Its the one thing we don't often think about doing that many NT's lives seem to revolve around.

Sometimes you'll find that for the dumbest reasons - facial features of all things even - that one person is heartily endorsed and accepted for being a nice person where another one isn't. Like that as well people may not accept you in humility but as a leader they'd think different. I can't guarantee success but I suppose I'd like to try and run through the more outside-the-box ideas that have some amount of chance and see if you've addressed them.

Last edited by techstepgenr8tion on 13 Oct 2011, 3:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Maybe it's time to reconsider overweight men. Does it matter if they got that way from over-eating? It shouldn't matter.

Most men that have been rude and nasty to me have been overweight. Might have something to do with the arrogance of thinking they can eat however much they want and still be entitled to hot girls.

techstepgenr8tion, I don't know if you realize what I'm craving here, which is called affection. Not fear, not respect, not doing it because I have power over them, that's exactly what I don't want. The title says what this is about, being unloved, not being unfeared or being without power. And you're right, my nasty facial features keep me from being accepted as a good, positive person, no matter if I might be like that inside or act like that. That's why people are very cold towards me. I can't even remember what it's like to get a hug. And being hugged by someone because they care deeply for me, on a deeper level than just an acquintance is something I will never know because of my face.

This has been a sad read. The reason is because I feel the exact same way but from a male perspective. Sometimes, I find women to be cruel and remorseless in their rejection of men. I don't know what women want, but I do know that I must not have it. Solemnly do I find a woman who will give me the time of day.

First off, I am sorry that you feel the way you do Bluerose. I don't even know what to say, but that I am sorry you feel the same way I do. I too hate my physical appearance to the point where I feel that Suicide was the answer. Some part of me still feels that it is. I feel like an Orge. I have keloids on my face. head and chest and I have never been a physical relationship with women. I have had girlfriends, but whenever its time for the physical aspect something happens and they run for the hills. I'm still a virgin and my friends mock me for it EVERY SINGLE day of my life. Even my dad and mom have suggested they get a prostitute for me just to get it over with. A friend told me to find a woman over Craigslist to lose it already.

I too crave that emotional and physical touch. At the same time it pisses me off how guys only think about getting laid. Sex can't be all that great in my opinion that it's such a driving force for people. Wouldn't you just rather have someone to hold you and tell you that everything is going to be alright? That life isn't the hell hole that it really is? That even though life is probably not worth living that just being able to see you and be with you makes it worthwhile?

I know what doctors would tell you and what the "right" thing to say in this situation, but I won't tell you something that I can't really believe in myself. I wish I could say it'll get better, but it sounds like your luck is mine and that means it won't. I don't want the worse to happen of course. But I will way this; you DESERVE to find someone who will love you and respect you, to bring you flowers, to hold you when you are scared, to comfort you when you are crying... I hope and if praying worked, I'd pray that you find someone.

You sound like you have the same loneliness that I have. It's cold, unbearable and life-sucking. You probably don't feel worth the bed you sleep on - if you're even sleeping on a bed. Sometimes, the nightmare I have cause me to lose it all sometimes. It really hurts. Feelings that hurt worse then cuts and bullets. You feel lower then the roaches that crawl over you while you try to sleep. Well... that's how I feel. Sometimes at least. I feel a bit better as of late... but i don't know what will stop me from going back to that place, where you are at now.

So if you were wondering if there is anyone out there who can try to relate... who can truly feel what kind of pain you are going through, I think I can. I won't say for a fact, because everyone's pain is different, but I believe I can come close.

I hope that this post helps you in someway. I hope that maybe you can find the strength to go on. I have for a while, albeit slightly.

wow.

OP: how do you think some other ugly* people got dates? because they did get dates and they will continue to get dates. what do those hideously ugly people have that you do not? sometimes they are even ugly and FAT. i knew a woman with an overbite so bad she used to drool, and she was married!

there's a whole lot of blame in your posts. your focus is outward, onto other people. you have already prejudged that nobody will accept you because of your looks, so they do not stand a chance. you are pushing them away. you are closed off to accepting people and they cannot reach you.

i am not saying it is easy for a woman who is less good-looking than her peers, as i think the world can be harsh. but i think that you can work on your sense of perspective with counselling. i've said it to other members with similar rants on the forum, and it applies here too - people in real life can tell what you really think when you are judging them. you cannot carry that much anger and not have people notice it.

interestingly, you also judge people on their appearance (for being fat and for being beautiful), but you have decided you are justified in that assessment. of course that is your prerogative, but i do not think you can expect others to overlook your physical self if you are judging them for theirs, regardless of whether the person was born looking like that or if they became that way later.



*i don't actually believe in the idea of ugly but i do understand that there are sets of facial features that are more likely to be considered good-looking or bad-looking by a larger number of people.

Last edited by hyperlexian on 13 Oct 2011, 8:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

how can they tell? how do you know if they *really* can tell?

sorry if I'm derailing but I don't get this.

You're generalizing every single person as harsh and negative, yet you mentioned a hot girlfriend saved you and did something positive for you, isn't that a contradiction in yourself?



You're talking as if you're the only aspie that has had it hard and you're blaming it on something external, something you can't change. You're jumping to conclusions and and making biased generalizations based on a few experiences. I've had negative experiences with people growing up. I've had plenty of painful experiences dealing with people and I realized that social hierarchies in general can be predatory. Yes, sure, I was vulnerable when I was younger, I've been outnumbered by people and jumped by gangs with no one to save me, I've been naive and ended up in unhealthy relationships, I've had people point the finger for no particular reason other than being the easy person to accuse. I didn't let it deter my attitude or adapt a biased attitude towards others because that would only make me as ignorant. I did however take my aggression and focused on improving myself to be more assertive and better equipped mentally and physically rather than blaming everyone else. In other words what techstepgenr8tion said, learn to be more formidable but don't compromise and become predatory if you do, remember how it feels to be in that situation.

can youNOT tell if people are judging you negatively? people confirm their judgement with their words and actions. people might judge us a lot less than we fear, but they often give themselves away. i am sure you have noticed.

EDIT: i can make a list of examples from my own experience if you earnestly have no idea.

My advice is that there are times when dating sucks. These periods can last years. All you can do is just smile and be happy and hope that someone one day is attracted to your energy and has some things in common with you.

You should start messaging SadAspy(a guy on a similar situation that was also nice but "turned bitter" due to rejections).
Not suggesting a relationship but you could both learn a lot about the opposite sex from each other.

This is a sad thread, indeed - but with many caring and thoughtful feedback comments.

Depression can really warp one's perspective, so can other disorders, including an unhealthy glandular system. It's amazing how activating the body with yoga, weight-lifting, a brisk nature walk can refresh the mind and keep the self-hatred at bay.

Beauty does truly come from within, in terms of the overall package. And self-hatred can make a person really ugly.

As for ugly vs. beautiful. There are women with heavily pockmarked and scarred faces who have got self-acceptance and self-love, and their smiles light up a room. There are women with celluloid perfection whose eyes have no real radiance. It takes a certain amount of maturity and life experience to appreciate that.

There are, get this, women who have survived acid attacks, with real facial deformities, who are socially-active, giving love & affection, and receiving love & affection. There are women who live behind veils (whether by choice or not) and are single with lack of supply of partners in their town or circumstances. YOU, m'dear, are not the only single person wondering if you will ever be wholly loved by another. This is a world with millions of people who've been wrongly incarcerated or are stuck housing projects quite close to prison conditions. This is a world with children/women, some probably in every country, having their lives stolen and being imprisoned and abused in dungeons by sick dudes. Get a grip on some gratitude - there's always something to be grateful for - and it can heal your mind.

A previous poster wrote: "You don't have to be gorgeous to do good things. if you do good things, you will have folks who respect and like you, perhaps, eventually even someone who will love you." It's so true!! ! Your attitude about service shows that you are rather stuck on yourself... as if you are THE most wretched gal and you just don't have time for humanity. That's nuts.

Check out the nearest urban downtown soup kitchen, sistah. There's nothing like spooning food onto plates of world-weary longterm homeless people of all ages and ethnicities who have been kicked in the face as much or more than you to set you straight. What's mind-blowing, is the gratitude and love that shines from many a pair of eyes that receives that food, because it's the only source of love/connection/affection that some have, and others just can't believe people in a 'cold society' even volunteer in such places.

You crave affection? Then give love and affection to yourself and others. You ain't gonna get none with a nasty woe-is-me attitude which is as bad as some of the worst dysmorphic prima donnas in the world. If you crave affection that is only in the form of physical intimacy, well, schedule a one-hour professional massage once a month, it'll do wonders.

Acting as if being single and unattractive (as judged by general society but not by every soul that ever was) absolves you of being part of humanity is just egomaniacal. You can cultivate knowledge of children, and forge some real bonds with suffering children in the world around you. There are tons of orphan & abused young children in your city (as well as tons of elderly folks who have been single and untouched for decades!! !) who would appreciate your soul and your laughter, your affectionate shoulder pats, and a walk or run through the park.

My policy is, when self-hatred/narcissism starts to rear its UGLY head, it's a sign that I need to serve more, find ways to help this world be a better place, and get unstuck from a huge ego. There are physically beautiful people who choose to be celibate because they don't want stupid cheap relationships and they can't find a partner. There are 'ugly' or 'old' or 'fat' people who find a wonderful partner by chance one day. There are heteros and lesbians who are partnered but in affection-less, asexual relationships.

Life is what you make it. Live your life.