Mr Nice Guys

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MXH
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08 Dec 2011, 12:33 am

minervx wrote:

bumble wrote:

Men are always saying that women don't want a Mr Nice guy but here is one woman that does. So where are all the Mr Nice guys? Nowhere that I can find them...

nice guy can mean multiple things.

it's not limited to "a guy who is nice", but an archetype.

you know the most brutal abusers, cheaters, heartbreakers - were REALLY REALLY nice at first.

you know the desperate loser/creeps, who have no self esteem - they're "nice" .

people who conceal their true feelings, cuz their too "nice" to reveal their feelings.

yep. Its like when people say "well, he's cute" to describe someone who is ok-god looking but nothing extraordinary

1000Knives
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08 Dec 2011, 1:47 am

Does this refer to girly men? Like guys with fake empathy who go "I understand" and ask people how they feel and stuff? If so, my sister is dating one right now and I completely hate it. Or is this different?

SadAspie112
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08 Dec 2011, 2:21 am

deconstruction wrote:

ialdabaoth wrote:

The problem is, he lacks confidence, money, and charisma, so he's basically a weak person

How does lacking confidence, money and charisma make you a weak person?!?

There is absolutely no evidence/proof to the claim that less confidence, less money and less charisma = weak person.
Nice guys usually end up last because they are the guy who usually gets taken advantage of by others.

TheygoMew
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08 Dec 2011, 3:34 am

Define in your terms nice. Not everyone seems to have the same definitions.

RikersBeard
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08 Dec 2011, 4:13 am

Quote:

The first "Nice Guy" is the kind of guy who thinks that if he "treats a woman right", she owes him. These people have basically taken the 'a**hole' attitude, and are attempting to use it to play a 'nice guy' game. They're typically clingy, pushy, and extremely passive-aggressive - because, no matter how much they try to follow the superficial pattern of being a "nice guy", they're still essentially objectifying women to fulfill some role in their own drama (usually, the role of 'prize' for being such a 'nice guy', and to validate them for having been the persecuted underdog.) Unfortunately, these guys have a LOT of reinforcement from hollywood - all "Romantic Comedies" essentially serve to reinforce the behaviors of this kind of 'Nice Guy', never mind the fact that actually performing any of the actions portrayed would generally land you, very deservedly, in jail. These guys don't know how to take 'no' for an answer, but at the same time they don't force a 'yes' - so they just draw the tedium of their drama out over long, excruciating months, until you finally disentangle yourself from them.

You're completely right about reinforcement from films and tv. Men are taught over and over (even on this forum) that the way to get the best girls is by being nice, sensitive and quirky, so they do exactly what they are told, and suppress the brash, confident part of their personalities in favour of the gentle, caring part (FYI I don't think they are faking it) unfortunately though, a real life Ross Gellar does not get a Rachel.

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MCalavera
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08 Dec 2011, 5:51 am

You know, that's the thing, a lot of the nice guys I meet are actually nice guys and struggling when it comes to girls. What exactly is a fake "nice" guy anyway. A jerk? But jerks intrigue a lot of girls anyway. So it can't be that these "fake" nice guys are jerks but ... simply ... frustrated.

nick007
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08 Dec 2011, 6:00 am

SadAspie112 wrote:

deconstruction wrote:

ialdabaoth wrote:

The problem is, he lacks confidence, money, and charisma, so he's basically a weak person

How does lacking confidence, money and charisma make you a weak person?!?

There is absolutely no evidence/proof to the claim that less confidence, less money and less charisma = weak person.
Nice guys usually end up last because they are the guy who usually gets taken advantage of by others.

That's what happened in my last relationship & the really sad thing is that I would do it again if she doesn't regret it & is a better person for it because I couldn't help but do everything I could to be supportive & try to keep her happy because I cared about her soo much. I know I sound really pathetic but I really do feel like that. I think I would be better with a woman who's codependent or has monophobia because they would be more willing to put forth effort to try & make the relationship work & they wouldn't be bothered by clingyness sense they are very clingy themselves & they may appreciate that I try to be very supportive.

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MCalavera
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08 Dec 2011, 6:20 am

nick007 wrote:

SadAspie112 wrote:

deconstruction wrote:

ialdabaoth wrote:

The problem is, he lacks confidence, money, and charisma, so he's basically a weak person

How does lacking confidence, money and charisma make you a weak person?!?

Honestly, nick, it's going to be very difficult for any girl (let alone any person) to make you happy, especially if you're relying on them for your happiness.

nick007
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08 Dec 2011, 6:26 am

MCalavera wrote:

nick007 wrote:

SadAspie112 wrote:

deconstruction wrote:

ialdabaoth wrote:

The problem is, he lacks confidence, money, and charisma, so he's basically a weak person

How does lacking confidence, money and charisma make you a weak person?!?

Honestly, nick, it's going to be very difficult for any girl (let alone any person) to make you happy, especially if you're relying on them for your happiness.

I'm NOT expecting or wanting someone else to make me happy. I don't like sleeping by myself & I function a lot better when I have someone I can turn to because my analytical ability works a lot better when I can talk things over with someone else even if they don't give me advice or suggestions; I sort things out by talking with someone

RikersBeard
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08 Dec 2011, 8:13 am

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Mmm, when a sweet, nice girl gets burned by a succession of Lotharios and becomes hardened, cynical and uncaring towards men, we don't say she was just pretending to be sweet and kind before.

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deconstruction
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08 Dec 2011, 8:39 am

MXH wrote:

yep. Its like when people say "well, he's cute" to describe someone who is ok-god looking but nothing extraordinary

It depends on a person. When I say "cute", I usually mean on his face. When I say handsome, I mean on his body.

Wolfheart
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08 Dec 2011, 8:46 am

MCalavera wrote:

You know, that's the thing, a lot of the nice guys I meet are actually nice guys and struggling when it comes to girls. What exactly is a fake "nice" guy anyway. A jerk?

Here's a few qualities that self proclaimed nice guys display.

1. Passive aggressiveness, they are only nice when it suits them and generally use kindness as a means of manipulation and have ulterior motives. In other words, a guy will only be nice if the woman is compliant.
2. A nice guy will let a woman walk all over him just so she'll love him and put her on a pedestal, in other words, he will put her before his principles and morals.
3. He believes that just being nice should be reason enough for girls to flock to him and that by being nice, the opposite sex owe him something in return.

MCalavera
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08 Dec 2011, 9:25 am

Wolfheart wrote:

MCalavera wrote:

You know, that's the thing, a lot of the nice guys I meet are actually nice guys and struggling when it comes to girls. What exactly is a fake "nice" guy anyway. A jerk?

What I find interesting is many nice guys will read this and go: "Well, I don't do any of this just to get girls to love me. I do so because I'm nice guy by nature."

And girls will amazingly tend to agree with such guys. Although makes me wonder why these girls never end up dating such nice guys if they're genuinely nice guys.

Hopefully, you didn't get too confused by what I am saying.

mv
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08 Dec 2011, 9:33 am

MCalavera wrote:

Wolfheart wrote:

MCalavera wrote:

You know, that's the thing, a lot of the nice guys I meet are actually nice guys and struggling when it comes to girls. What exactly is a fake "nice" guy anyway. A jerk?

Well, but no one thinks of themselves as passive-aggressive, and some people are much more subtle than others at it. As for being a pushover, there are various levels. What some people consider "courteous" and "polite", other people consider mealy-mouthed and namby-pamby. It's all relative, which makes discussions like this difficult.

Me, I like civil, courteous people but not ones who knowingly let themselves be taken advantage of. That being said, I have noticed that some men allow themselves to be taken advantage of if they think it gets them a social edge, like if the woman is out of his league (as he thinks) and he knows it. There, you just plain get what you paid for.

MXH
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08 Dec 2011, 9:56 am

Good to see that according to the posters in this and every other nice guy thread every nice guy has an alternative super evil plot he is trying to do to gain the controls of every passing woman and take advantage of them. Yep thats totally how it is, handcuff me.

spongy
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08 Dec 2011, 10:08 am

MXH wrote:

Meh its what you get for allowing male members to say endlesly that all females care about are looks and money. Eventually they start generalizing about you in a similar way and you just have to take it.

I tried to stop the generalizations around here a while ago but I was accused of being overzealous/too strict and several other things that dont come to mind right now

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