aspie men and DPD effecting dating.

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I tend to agree but it's not quite like that in my case. I am very aware that I have lots of problems, disabilities & things that limit me but I don't have low self-esteem. I think I have lots of great qualities but others can be very shallow & judgmental sometimes. Lots don't really take the time to try to get to know & understand me well enough to see beyond my limitations, disabilities, differences ect. People with problems tend to be misunderstood & misjudged like I tend to be so I believe in giving people a chance & trying to know more about them before writing them off. People with problems sometimes have lots of great qualities that most people may not try & take time to realize; like being very sympathetic, supportive & caring like I am, Maybe what is sometimes seen as enabling & rescuing is them being supportive of each other & helping each other become better people.


Your rite. The only theory I've heard of about the causes of DPD(besides the typical generic stuff they say about personality disorders in general which is a combination of genetics & environmental factors that don't go into specifics) is that people with DPD were discouraged from being independent. They look for others for approval because they come from environments where they weren't allowed to make decisions on their own; like their parents may of been extremely contorting & protective. I look to others because my analytical ability works a lot better when I can bounce ideas with someone. I can get a different perspective & analyze things from different angles.


It's not always guys who manipulate or control. I LOVE women like that because I'm very caring, I want to spend as much time as I can with my partner & I feel bad when I know somethings' wrong so I want to help make it better. Independent people would push me away when I think getting close & dissuading things would help us both feel better & maybe work out a better solution to the problem

I've never been diagnosed with it, but I am about 99.7% certain I have DPD, or at least had it. I fell into very DPD behavior patterns with my ex wife. I come from a childhood both my parental figures were highly protective, sheltering, and simultaneously exacting and strict, some would say controlling. So it was learned behavior to me. Joining the military at 18 likely did not help this behavior, it likely served only to enhance by dependency on guidance and instruction, and even commands.

I was immediately drawn to my ex, it was almost compulsory. And it was great for a short time, absolutely wonderful. Unfortunately, her need to control me was ever growing, and she demanded continually greater self sacrifice. I eventually felt as if I were a nonperson, and lost all idea who I even was. I'll keep to the abridged version, but it was bad, very...very bad. I gave upon my morals, my ethics, my emotions, everything that one could identify about a person that made them who they are, she demanded it. But what was really sick, was that she never straightforwardly asked anything of me, the way I was manipulated was masterful.

She is diagnosed with Narcissistic PD. And her ability to manipulate is the best I've seen from anyone, ever.

The only thing I had going for me, despite the DPD behaviors and general relationship dynamic one would expect in a pair up with NPD, was that at the core, I did not have self esteem issues. I over valued her, yes, but I did not undervalue myself. I eventually managed to escape the relationship, and after several years of personal healing time, have (imo) made a full recovery.

That's no worse though then some people who complain that nobody likes them for who they are, then outright reject/ignore anyone who dares to show any interest in them. Either way it's casting a rod for your own back and leaving yourself open to criticism.

Neurology really isn't the issue here. Some people are over-dependant, some are not, and then others are just hypocrites who only want what they can't have.