Dating at work: Bad idea?

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Past experiences are a good predictor of patterns. Women friends get offended when I try for more & it tends to ruin our friendship

I agree about becoming friends first particularly if you have AS but I am not sure I agree about ''Dating a co-worker usually leads to disaster''. It depends on the circumstances,many people with AS only socialize with people at work.Many with AS obviously have a limited dating pool,why should someone with AS turn down a potential great relationship just because the interested person happens to be a co-worker? I would speculate that there are probably more success stories of couples who met at work than there are of situations that didn't work out.

It can get very ugly. I happen to know someone who dated a co-worker who was just a regular worker like her. He then got promoted to a manager position and he completely changed. Eventually they split but he continued to make things difficult for her and even sexually harassed her about who she was dating. He also happens to make the schedule and would cut her hours on purpose. To this day she still has to dread coming to work. In short, work and relationships don't belong together. Your personal problems will follow you at work and it will affect or even ruin your job.

Yep, especially if you work in a mortuary

You are making a generalization that all work relationships will end in a similar way when there really is no way of predicting how the relationship will unfold.Are you suggesting a typical Aspie who never dates shouldn't get involved with someone at work who is otherwise a potential great match? Many people with AS are very good at their jobs so it is often the one area of their lives that does allow them to present themselves in a positive light.

I believe that the odds of a relationship sustaining and blossoming into a long term one are actually a lot smaller than it not. You're probably gambling on a long shot.

You might get lucky and be able to split without any post relationship problems, but that doesn't seem to happen much either.

If work is the only place you're able to shine, then it seems to me that there's even more incentive not to screw it up by getting into a potentially career complicating situation

It seems clear from the few posts I've read of yours here that you think it's a worthy idea. And no one's stopping you from trying... just don't say no one tried to warn you

somewhere around 15 to 20% of spouses surveyed in this study met at work:

http://paa2010.princeton.edu/download.a ... nId=100828

apparently it is a declining statistic, though.

one statistic that doesn't really change is the proportion of people who meet their future spouse through friends - it tends to stay at about 1/3.

It's somewhat different in my particular case since I work shift work and have a good deal of flexibility in regards to shifts that I work.So,if the situation were to go bad I could limit the amount of time I may potentially spend with anyone I had been involved with.I agree if you are constantly going to be seeing and working together it may not be wise but every situation is different.

Sound advice but I am not a model employee anyway, I got chewed out at work for a range of stuff the other day so I said to myself I might as well go for it........ and she hinted around no but I am not that concerned. She wasn't offended by it so but she wants to be friends, the dreaded friend zone. It seems like I am a best friend with everyone I ask out lol

I am gonna let it go, she knows I am interested and thats about all you can do.

People have met their future mates at work, but there are so many risk factors.
I am friends now with a co-worker who has some interest in me. Don't know if its going further, but going slow for now..

Matthew

My point is anytime co-workers date, it will become messy once a break up is inevitable. There could always be the case where one of the daters could be promoted and even become the supervisor of their girl/boyfriend. When you're dating a supervisor, it will be great when things are going good. He'll give you all the hours you can hope for, flexible schedules and make things great for you. If you start to have problems and eventually break up, it can be a living hell like it was for my friend. She was harassed by him and had her hours cut anytime she got in an argument with him. It doesn't even have to be about supervisors. It could simply be the fact that once you have a fight and break up, you still have to see your ex at work and dragged into ridiculous drama. Would you really want to have to deal with that? I sure as hell don't.

i don't see why drama would be inevitable, especially since the couple might never break up. and it is possible for them to behave like adults, too.

giving a lover special favours is frankly unethical and i would hope that most people would not do that. if a person is going to behave like that, then dating like that is the least of their worries. anyway, in order to avoid a situation like that, many employers will not promote one spouse to be in a direct supervisory position over the other.

with the high turnover at most places of employment, it can be assumed that neither one of the partners will remain at the employer that long anyway. 18 months to 3 years is typical to stay at one place - a romance could be expected to outlive that.

Money can last longer than "love".

100% agree. Work only opens up more relationship possibilities. If you have some friends at work, you can ask them if you know someone who is single. Or if they know the girl down the hall. It doesn't have to lead to a date, there is nothing wrong with meeting a new friend either.