I'm a 33 y/o male Asperger and I've never had a girlfriend
Prof_Pretorius
Veteran
Joined: 20 Aug 2006
Age: 68
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,520
Location: Hiding in the attic of the Arkham Library
Confidence is something we ASpic males find difficult to project. Ofetn we come across as indecisive, or even wishy washy. I read a story once where an ASpic guy worked at a chic Hotel, but all the women who worked there wouldn't date him. One day, through an odd coincidence, he found a bag full of money left by some mobsters in a hurry. (He couldn't tell anyone he found it.) Suddenly he found the women were really interested in him. The difference? The way he presented himself, the way he walked, the way he talked. He knew he had gobs of money, and although he never said this, he showed the confidence it gave him.
OK, I know, it's a parable. But to this day my wife will get upset if I 'backslide' into wishy washy-ness. I do it in a feeling of 'I just want to get along', but she 'reads' it as indecisiveness, or weakness. This is also why I think NT women always ask ASpic guys, 'Are you gay?', because we're too laid back, too easy to get along with. NT guys are bigoted, stubborn, and a pain in the ass. And NT women love that. It's not easy to pretend this sort of thing, but in AA, the saying is 'fake it 'till you make it'.
it seems that i am one of the rare female aperger syndrome women.if what you are really hoping for is to win the friendship and more of an as woman then i think i could possibly give you some good advice.i am a little worried that if we are so rare then you might be looking for a needle in a haystack. however i also believe its possible to attract what you need from the cosmos generally.if anyone is interested then encourage me and i ll begin. first thing is to be brave . . .
Tim
I'm in the same situation
are you sitting comfortably . . then i ll begin. what i am about to say i do believe but i forget it myself in my daily life cos i get so caught up in my asperger confusion and panic.so i am hoping that talking about these issues with you all will help me too. i am supposing that when we think about a special relationship what we are hoping for is to feel a closeness and a connection with someone who makes us feel accepted for who were are and special too.its easy to focus on what we want out of the relationship.a bit like wanting a motor bike etc etc. but a relationship with another human being is a completely different thing,especially when you are getting physical and emotional.the water can get pretty deep so its important to get used to the idea of swimming and practice in shallow water until you are confident and competent.i think that the main thing to focus on today is what you would want from an ideal relationship.in as much detail as you like.imagine being in that relationship when you have quiet moments.before you go to sleep is a good time.if you persevere with this you will be less likely to appear needy, deficient,lonely,unpopular etc. my imagination is not that good really so i tend to keep it simple.like i fill a hot water bottle.find a cushion or blanket i like the colour or feel of,put some music on maybe snuggle up and imagine that i am not alone.that i am with someone who i feel really comfortable and secure with.your range of potential feelings is only limited by your imagination ...you can do it for as long as you like.the length of a cd is good.i think that its more effective the more often you do it. hoping that you all survived halloween okay. i have plenty of ideas and would really like to be able to help you lonely guys find someone inspiring. do any of you have friendly animals in your life . . .i think i would shrivel up and die without mine.to be continued . . .possibly . . .if required. . .much love to all.x
okay guys I think what tigerlily said here is important. I do this. I think about any previous experience i've had with women, taken the best bits, and you end up getting a sense of what it is you want. (If someone asked me what I wanted in a gf I might be able to tell you now - but only after much thought...) Imagination is your key to working out what you want. The really important thing is that when you actually find someone who fits your idea of what you want -- it will feel completely natural -- and you will not have any fears in, say, asking them out, speaking to them, etc etc. Do you know what it is you want? If all you want is to snuggle up to someone at night, then this is important...
* SMILE - if you're a foreigner in a random country and ask nicely with a smile, they will 99% of the time help you out. SAME WITH DATING - smile and ask nicely and they will say yes.
J
I am friends with some wolves, they visit my dreams and sometimes I become one and run between the trees in the night through the forest at incredible quickness.
My problem is attracting a body in the cosmos that is faraway. When the time between a memory and the present grows, it becomes a great distance that stretches across space. I am travelling this distance to reach that memory. But since I am human my comprehension of time is only a single dimension, that of the present and I am unable to chart a suitable course. I can travel to Jupiter and further on is Pluto but I will have not gone anywhere, remaining stranded still in the present.
richardbenson
Xfractor Card #351
Joined: 30 Oct 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,553
Location: Leave only a footprint behind
to the author of the thread, i've given up completely looking to hookup with someone. i think that not everyone was ment to get a boyfriend/girlfriend here. i always look at it this way, you might be so use to being alone that if you did hookup and got dumped or something you might take it 10x as hard as someone who hooks up regularly. and might go into a deep depression, or have unessassary grief. being temporarily mentally ill sucks. i guess what im trying to say is ive already delt with alot of bs, in life. i dont need anymore. but goodluck in whatever you do ![]()
_________________
Winds of clarity. a universal understanding come and go, I've seen though the Darkness to understand the bounty of Light
Tim
No way man. 18-22 year old girls are looking for 26-27 year old guys.
Besides, if they don't like you for who you are, AS and all, then are they really worth keeping?
Well, lets say 97% of them have this attitude towards AS? This is indeed the case. Of coarse there are some fakers on here who wouldn't really understand this.
My advice, save up alot of money and get a real doll.
Well, lets say 97% of them have this attitude towards AS? This is indeed the case. Of coarse there are some fakers on here who wouldn't really understand this.
Are you suggesting that I am a faker?
I'm in the same boat - Hell, I realized yesterday that I didnt think about sex once. Not once. Not from the time I woke up until I went home from work.. Lately, when the thought even comes up, it just almost instantly disappears into something else..
I worry my tool will stop working soon since its losing its practice
