Throwing in the towel.

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Yes. I'm not functional enough to maintain a normal level of social contact with other people, much less living in a relationship. Online relationships worked for me for a while, both as friendships and romantic relationships, but I can't maintain those either.

A former friend told me that I'm probably more compatible with cats than with human beings, and it turned out that she was right. I've decided to spend the rest of my life as the male equivalent of a crazy old cat lady (hence my forum name ). I wish I could afford a larger place and 20 or 30 cats.

My default position started with the towel thrown in. I didnt even realize it was my towel. At some point I picked it up.

But for a time I think I was at peace with not having a towel. Close enough anyway.

I think I've finally gathered enough evidence to convince me that I simply cannot function in a romantic relationship and I've given up trying - I am simply too oblivious regarding my own feelings, and especially the way I make others feel, either good or bad.

Anyone else ever get to this point?

I pretty much gave up trying a few years ago when I realized every time a woman seemed interested in me, I backed away very quickly. It became rather clear that all my troubles with relationships were the result of my own anxieties and not any lack of interest on the part of women.

The advantages are that I get far less worked up about women nowadays. The disadvantage is I feel even more that my future is one of dwindling friendships and increasing isolation.

I think it can be helpful to let yourself off the hook when it comes to intimate relationships, but it's very important to continue the work of developing and maintaining friendships.

Thanks for the pep-talk!

Aw, that seems like such a waste.

I thought you were coming to Britain, Eric? Any further information on that? LMK if owt changes, won't you?

Ive thrown in the towel 6 years ago. I have realized nobody wants to get serious with a freak like me. At least that is what I think as well. As cold as it may seem, sometimes I think a relationship is a distraction from my studies and work. I might change my mind you might as well but i think i know how ya feel.

I'm still planning on it, I *really* need to get away, but I'm moving in April so I keep having to push it back, I absolutely must avoid the Olympics at all costs so May-June looks likely.

I'm thinking about hiring a motorhome and just driving it "wherever" for a week or two...

I prefer being solo, and yes, you can be happy and complete as "one" person. People who think they need to be with other people all of the time in order to be happy, are too needy. My younger brother's ex girl friend was like that. Unfortunately, the shack-up led to a shacklet, and neither parent was suited to being a parent, so my nephew was raised by his maternal grand parents. People who aren't suited to parenthood should keep their legs crossed, or at least use birth control. And I am not referring to the murder of the pre-born.

Back on topic--before looking for a partner, you really need to first find yourself. That is, develop who and what you are. Trying to do that while also developing a relationship tends to put a strain on the relationship. It is very hard to be with someone who is still in the process of growing into who they are to become, because the relationship starts with the people being one thing, and then at least one of the people changes. They may not like what each has changed to.

Never forget that being solo is a viable option. You can do what you want when you want, within the limits of work, appointments, etc. You also don't have to put up with difficult people much when you are solo.

I am basically a hermit, and live alone, my phone is hooked to an answer machine to screen calls, and I don't have to pick up if I don't want to, and I get to not invite people over, since I don't go much for company. I also get to not attend parties and family get-togethers, unless I choose to go. I have health problems, which cause me to have an irregular schedule, so I eat when I choose, not on someone else's schedule. I also get to pick what I want to eat--as long as it is in the house, and without constant criticism of every molecule I injest.

I lived with relatives most of my life, and have lived alone for several years now. I never want to live with anyone again! Alone is much better for me. When I lived with relatives, we all drove one another crazy, as they couldn't deal with my being different, and I couldn't handle their unrealistic demands that I behave normal. We get along better now that we don't live together.

So remember, being solo is not the end of the world. Just take time to grow into being yourself before you try couple-hood. That way, if it doesn't work, you can still fall back on being solo, and won't be freaking out about that.