Is not having friends a turn off?

Post Reply New Topic

http://mindfull.spc.org/vaughan/Bell_2007_JMH.pdf

this is all i can find about introverts and socialising so far. still looking...

That's extremely interesting!

Thank you for sharing.

Yeah I understand what your saying and they might have a need to make that disclaimer, If had they bothered to find out if the people who participated in the experiement were ether introverted or extraverted.

Its kind of like when people do surveys of political hot topics, they pick a random sample and ask them their opinion on a new bill. They get 40% against the bill and 34% approve of the bill while 6% stay undecided. Seems like a legit survey and they end it there saying "that majority disapprove of the bill", without looking into the fact that the 40% in their random sample are all apart of the political party that is against the other political party that is pushing the bill. The political parties of their random sample were not accounted for.

So its possible that in an experiement involving "friendships and healthiness" that whether or not the participants were introverted or extraverted was not accounted for. A variable which could have shown a possible correlation from the experiements results.

you're welcome. found another... here the researchers measured resistance to the common cold, and found that having a diversity of social relationships (i.e. family, romance, friends) was most important in conferring immunity.

http://www.cmu.edu/joss/content/article ... cohen.html

so basicly this says that if you are introverted you need to stay away from the internet unless you like being alone.....nice, that would explain alot of my friends though

thanks for sharing

I cannot believe how fast this thread went in just a few minutes after I started it. Only 2 minutes after I posted it and it got a lot of posts. Thanks.

I find it interesting that even the people here of all people find someone who who does not have friends a turn off (most of you at least). I never expected that.

Yeah...

My answer to the original question is that I don't care if people have friends or not. I do, however, find it to be a turn-off if a person has a lot of friends. People who have that much need for social interaction are foreign and a little creepy to me. Of course, I would still give her a chance.

Like other people have said, it is not necessarily a case of not being able to maintain a friendship, but instead may be a case of just not being interested. Romantic relationships are significantly different than friendships for some people, and you can't judge one by the other.



My situation was just the opposite; I had no friends when I was with my girlfriend, and she was upset that she was not getting enough attention from me, even though we lived together. It's a question of different personalities. A more emotionally needy person may cling to the significant other when they have no friends; a less needy person may be able to maintain an appropriate separation because they truly don't need any friends.

I find this to be true for me, too. I have had a series of friendships over the years, but lost most of them because the said friend would become very demanding of my time, or I would overwhelm them. My current romantic relationship is very different from casual friendships, and I take it a heck of a lot more seriously. Whereas I could blow off a casual friend, I would not do this to my SO, nor he to me. I think the dynamics of a romantic relationship are very different than those of a casual friendship!

in terms of how much a person can benefit from friendship, apparently everyone needs friends equally. the only difference is that some people think that they don't.

lack of interest in friendship doesn't equal not NEEDING friends for emotional or physical health.


friendship is part of a romantic relationship. if a person struggles with friendship, they are bringing that deficit into the romantic relationship. it is only part of the romantic relationship, but it is a large part.

i would challenge people to provide examples of any person who lived a long and healthy married life with only a spouse and not a single friend.

I don't think anyone can say that they have "no" friends, but they can say they have lost friends via lack of contact/effort on both sides.

I myself don't go out of my way to talk to my friends because I am stuck in a cycle of fear of going outside and not being dependant enough, I have a few friends like this too (they don't have Aspergers) which makes this even harder to maintain. I have tried my best to stop this though.

I think people in relationships START to make more effort to see their old friends because they want to show their new bf/gf to impress but the outcome of someone dating you should never be based on having no friends (as people DO have friends, they just never see them and the lack of effort means they won't bother).

Regarding people being online as introverts, that is somewhat true, but everyone these days live and die by facebook to not actually care about visiting their friends IRL anyway...so we are all becoming that little more introverted in our lives (Facebook, being poor and dangerous hazards at night have messed up society).

I agree that friendship is part of a romantic relationship. I forgot to mention that my SO is my best friend as well. I long for other friends, but just don't have the knack of keeping friends. I would also be very curious to know of any couple who only has a spouse for a friend. That is the case with me right now, due to health issues. But I always hope that it will change for the better!

Of course not everyone needs friendship equally; everyone is different. How can you say otherwise, how can you speak for everyone? Do you have some sort of proof?


Well, like I said before, it is not necessarily a struggle. Just because a person has no friends doesn't mean something is wrong with them, that they tried to have friends and couldn't make it work.



And the friendship in the context of the relationship may be enough, both in terms of what is needed and what is wanted. Maybe instead of seeing them as someone with no friends, it would make more sense to see them as someone who does not yet have the one friend they would like to have. But if you begin with the assumption that something MUST be wrong with such a person, and refuse to rethink it, we cannot agree.



Well, like you said, the spouse is a friend, so such a person does have at least one friend. But just because we don't personally know anyone we can use as an example doesn't prove or disprove anything. People living a life like that are in the minority (because not many people choose to), so it's going to be hard to find examples. Plus, we're on a forum full of people who have social issues; collectively, we don't know a whole lot of people to use as examples for anything

Also, marriage is nothing but a legal contract. Not everyone can get married, certainly no one needs to in order to have a successful relationship, and some are pressured into it by family/culture. It's not a good indicator of anything having to do with the quality of relationships.

i posted some and read a bunch more. people aren't exempt from needing friendship just because they don't want friends.



that does sound like they have something wrong with their ability to make or keep friends, which is related to their ability to make and keep other relationships functional.


yeah, i consider that to be unbalanced and unhealthy (and researchers agree). i challenge you to find one single piece of research that says that a person does NOT need any friends other than a spouse.

Actually I find that I do very well with just my spouse for a friend. It doesn't mean that I don't "need" other friends. I would very much like to have other friends. I just don't. That is something I have had to learn to accept.

Probably is a turn-off for most people, but there are others who wouldn't mind or care I suppose.

I believe this question paralels with "Is being aspie or autistic a turn off?" And I pressume the usual answers given to one question would apply to the other as well.

I particularly, don't care wether I am a turn off for not having friends or that a "potential girlfriend" does not have friends, given that I'm not interested in relationships, if I would, I probably would be worried. So I pitty you


For instance, at work there is a woman who has mood swings and other issues, due to a past abuse experience with her ex-husband. And yeah, that is defenitely a turn-off!