Letting go of romantic love. Giving up or being realistic?

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That's the best advice for everyone, I think. Be as direct as humanely possible.

Yeah, my social skills have really improved over the years, but this one area evades me. I just can't get my head around the romance part. It's the area with the least rules. When people find someone who actually likes them back it all seems to be a total fluke. There's no way to.plan it or there's no do x and y will happen. It's very organic.

Relationships are like gambling - sometimes you risk it all, often you lose it all, and when you win its all but for a few brief moments before you hit rock bottom and debt once again.

Dating and love also feel just as random. XD

Ok, I was thinking for that so you don't feel regret later and be like 'what if?' all the time - to end it with a clear-answer closure in case he rejects you.

But if you strongly think it's time to give up, then it's the time to give up.

Social skills and love have nothing to do with each others. The first you learn to be able to function in society, the latter is for your own amusement, so you don't want to fake anything.



If you are compatible, there is no need for any rules or faking. You just act naturally, and everything will turn out good. If it doesn't, you are not compatible.

I'm actually the same my social skills are a lot better now. But the romance part does elude me as well even though I have been in a relationship. I can never tell when a woman is been friends or wants more.

I got told by friends this year that someone was interested based on her actions to me and messages but I didn't believe them. I did the out of my league thought process so why would she be interested. Well she doesn't speak to me now I suspect she met someone else and got annoyed at me for not liking her back which I actually did

So it's not just you romance is just illogical and a nuisance to try and follow/understand. I wish people just stated their interest or just gave each other a romance card with things they expect or something! lol



Maybe as your in a small area you should look further afield, just because people are far away doesn't mean that it can't work. I have a friend who meet someone in Sweden they chatted and got on well so he moved here and they been together for 5 years now. Mr Right for you might not be in your area.

I think that's one of the hardest parts for me--telling the difference between friendliness and romantic interest. Then again, when interest has been clear was when I was sexually harassed, so I'd rather avoid that.

Sometimes it feels too hard being alone, but too difficult finding someone. I guess it's best to just keep my own pleasure in mind so I can enjoy either.

Strongly disagree. These signals are essential for determining compatibility without a huge number of rejections.

This won't change anyway, so you can regard it a nuisance as much as you want to. It doesn't matter. The only way to cope with it is to learn to interpret NT and/or ND interest signals (depending on who you want to target).

Also, the interest signals are exactly what you want (romance cards). It's just that you cannot read the cards. You are essentially illiterate in the romance area.

Maybe shelve the idea of romantic love, dont let go of it though, that is quite a final action. When you find yourself next being attracted to someone in this way, take a step back if you can, note their good points in a non emotional way; if you are compatible and he is interested in dating, then it might be okay to dust off the idea of romantic love.

@Face_of_ boo seee! I told you this actually happens in real life!

She's maybe not angry ZD, just feels a bit silly. I feel embarassed, that's kind of why I'm avoiding that guy I liked.

rdos you've just contradicted yourself.



Make your mind up. Is having the social skill of being able to pick up on signals of use or not??

As an ND, you don't learn how to pick up ND interest signals. You are born with that ability. The only thing you need to do is to turn-off faking and start acting naturally. Thus, it has nothing to do with learning NT social skills.

Signals are signals? I like hurtloam somthing about her that I want to find out more.

What has NT skills got to do with anything? it's just skills. you have skills or not. I have met pleanty of NT with no social skills.

^ none of the above really makes any sense to me.

1. If somebody lack social skills, they are not NTs
2. Signals are inborn nonverbal communication.

The typical way to acquire social skills (learn cultural rules) is to observe what people say and do, and then judge if it is appropriate by evaluating their nonverbal communication. NDs will typically need to learn to interpret NT facial expressions manually first, while NTs have this inborn. This is how a majority of NDs succeed in learning social skills. They start will guessing what facial expressions means, and through trial-and-error they will eventually get most of it right. Relationships and courtship also operates with nonverbal communication, but you will typically not be able to learn this by trial-and-error, simply because you have no idea somebody shows you interest (unless friends tell you), and when it gets further, you have no experience at all with the new signals you get, and since it seldom gets further, you'll never manage the trial-and-error process. In some ways, the PUAs do try to teach this process, so by studying their ideas it's certainly possibly to get better hints at how it works and speed up the trial-and-error learning process.

However, if you are not interested in NTs, and all the problems with having a relationship with an NT, then there is no sense in learning their courtship behaviors. The ND courtship is also inborn (and therefore highly predictable). The best of course is that you don't need to learn it with trial-and-error. Your brain already knows the algorithms, so all you need to do is to allow it to use them. There are (at least) two major obstacles here. First, using eye contact to scan for possible interest needs to be practiced so you don't come out as creepy or staring by NTs. I think many NDs chose the wrong path here, they stop looking at people when they get accused of staring. Since eye contact and quick glances is the primary way of detecting NDs and interest, you hardly can succeed in selecting potential ND partners without doing this correctly. Second, many NDs have been drilled to suppress stims, and this make them less responsive and harder to judge if they are interested. So, to increase chances, you should not suppress happy-stims.

Don't you live in Iceland? I was just looking at your location and guessing that was in Iceland or something. You may have to search broad to find someone. It is hard when not many people live near you.