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beezy
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26 Apr 2012, 4:57 pm

And I can't imagine being pursued* by a woman but it sounds awesome :o



hyperlexian
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26 Apr 2012, 6:03 pm

beezy wrote:
Yes sometimes women persue. But even then, if it's a man they're persuing, when he consents and there is the beginning of some kind of relationship, there's a danger that he might just use her for sex. So eventually it will turn around to the woman 'testing' the man again to ensure his intentions are what she wants.

I think it comes down to women having less sex cells than men and therefore being the sexual selectors of the species. I can't remember the exact details but I read something along these lines in an evolutionary psychology book by Allen Macneil. It was a while ago that I read it now.. I'll have a recap tomorrow..

nah, i could just as easily be using a man for sex as the reverse. the pursuer could be testing the pursued because they need to know whether they would make a suitable mate. some testing could happen before dating commences, and some after. people are very selective about who they date, and arguably that could be a form of testing.

i don't see any reason to assume that one gender is testing the other on any regular basis, but i think the dynamics of dating can be miconstrued that way. theories from evolutionary psychology have massive holes - i would only integrate that information with a massively critical eye.


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beezy
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28 Apr 2012, 7:48 am

You could very well be, and the pursuer could be testing the pursued. But as I say, the pursued has the monopoly on whether or not it eventually goes in the direction the pursuer wants it to go in. Therefore any kinds of games the pursuer wants to play is at their own risk.

Women are ultimately more selective and exclusive than men. So they're in the kind of position to set tests and games to filter who gets access in a way that men generally are not. Because of this, at the level of every day experience I think men will encounter more tests and games than women will.

I did have a look at the book I mentioned but I feel reluctant to cite it because what I'm saying seems quite common sense. I guess we have different personal experiences which infl what we think of as commonsense though.



hyperlexian
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28 Apr 2012, 2:19 pm

beezy wrote:
You could very well be, and the pursuer could be testing the pursued. But as I say, the pursued has the monopoly on whether or not it eventually goes in the direction the pursuer wants it to go in. Therefore any kinds of games the pursuer wants to play is at their own risk.

Women are ultimately more selective and exclusive than men. So they're in the kind of position to set tests and games to filter who gets access in a way that men generally are not. Because of this, at the level of every day experience I think men will encounter more tests and games than women will.

I did have a look at the book I mentioned but I feel reluctant to cite it because what I'm saying seems quite common sense. I guess we have different personal experiences which infl what we think of as commonsense though.

they would both risking loneliness if they test each other. if you think logically about it, the pursued person would risk EVERYTHING if they test a potential mate, whereas a pursuer can just move onto the next person and try again. the pursuer has ultimate control over whether there will be another target, but the pursued person has no control over that. so it makes no sense that a pursued person would do any more testing than the pursuer because they have more at stake.


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beezy
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28 Apr 2012, 2:32 pm

The pursuer has more at stake - rejection and the person they chose to pursue.

I also think they way a man pursues a women determines how attracted she will be to him. So she will lose nothing if someone she doesn't choose stops going after her.



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28 Apr 2012, 2:46 pm

beezy wrote:
The pursuer has more at stake - rejection and the person they chose to pursue.

I also think they way a man pursues a women determines how attracted she will be to him. So she will lose nothing if someone she doesn't choose stops going after her.

no, i would say that the pursued has more at stake because they don't have much control over whether anyone asks them out again. the pursuer has total control over that.

and no.... a man can pursue a woman in a very haphazard way, doing everything "wrong", and still have a woman fall for them. that stuff really doesn't matter that much.

i think we are seeing this from opposite perspectives (sort of - we are both pursuers).


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TommyTomorrow
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28 Apr 2012, 5:43 pm

Men and women both test their partners.
It isn't evil. It's better to figure out that a relationship won't work out on the first date than it is to find it out three months after the wedding.
I don't know if men or women do it more.

My experience is that women put more thought into relationships, which makes me suspect they'd be more likely to engage in testing. If you're not thinking about a relationship, you certainly won't bother with testing.



beezy
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28 Apr 2012, 5:43 pm

I tend to think that women who I think of as 'median' in the sense of having normal jobs, being reasonably healthy etc. normally don't have to do much to attract men. Normally women are quite talkative and sociable and will go out a lot etc. So with that in mind it doesn't seem like it would be much of a big deal if a man who seems nice at first doesn't prove himself. There will be plenty more opportunities etc.

I think a man has only done something wrong once interest in him starts to drop or seize. Men who're wealthy and have high social status apparently don't need to do much as they're a priori attractive to women. On the other hand.. Men who lack certain characteristics are treated more suspiciously and have to prove themselves...

We are seeing it from different perspectives... yours seems quite exceptional and cosmopolitan. Things are much more patriarchal where I'm from.



beezy
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28 Apr 2012, 5:45 pm

I didn't mean to make it sound evil btw. It's just something I'm personally frustrated with.



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28 Apr 2012, 5:59 pm

hmmmm you're basically characterising women as golddiggers that sit back and have men flocking to them just because they exist. can see why we are not seeing eye-to-eye.


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beezy
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28 Apr 2012, 6:12 pm

I don't know, I'm working out people as I go along, but as I say I'm pro-feminist - I've probably read more about feminism than most who call themselves feminists. I'm careful with my generalisations as well. But do I think women are generally more attracted by wealth and high social status than men? Yes of course. Just as men are more attracted by physical features of the opposite sex than women generally are.



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28 Apr 2012, 6:22 pm

Quote:
Are women "testing" men?


This would be cool.

She: "hey sir, can I test you and see if you can make me orgasm?"

I want to be a test subject.



TommyTomorrow
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28 Apr 2012, 6:28 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
Are women "testing" men?


This would be cool.

"She: hey sir, can I test you and see you can make me orgasm?"

I want to be a test subject.


Any idiot can pass that test if he wants to.
The question a woman really wants the answer to is whether or not you will be willing and able to bring her to orgasm in 20 years.
Will you take the time to do it? Will you even pay attention to her then?



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28 Apr 2012, 6:33 pm

TommyTomorrow wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
Are women "testing" men?


This would be cool.

"She: hey sir, can I test you and see you can make me orgasm?"

I want to be a test subject.


Any idiot can pass that test if he wants to.
The question a woman really wants the answer to is whether or not you will be willing and able to bring her to orgasm in 20 years.
Will you take the time to do it? Will you even pay attention to her then?


uhm...
You humor's party-pooper.



TommyTomorrow
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28 Apr 2012, 6:35 pm

My apologies.
I had not realized you were making a joke.



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28 Apr 2012, 6:39 pm

TommyTomorrow wrote:
My apologies.
I had not realized you were making a joke.


Apology accepted.

But still you'll be thrown to the crocodile pit.