13 Jun 2012, 6:08 am
13 Jun 2012, 6:13 am
BlueMax wrote:
If that's you in the pic, he'd be insane to cheat on a perfect 10! Sheesh.... [grumblemuttersomepeople'skidsgrumble]
Yes, it is me in the picture but I am far from a perfect 10 but I thank you so much for your kindness
Also, we do communicate a lot but I can't seem to get him to just tell me what's going on in his mind no matter how hard I try. Example: He has an interview for a really good position next week. He swears he told me but he never did...but he DID tell his mom through text. He also makes plans and I never know till he is basically walking out the door and again he thinks he has told me and I had no idea.
I'm doing everything I can to understand AS and how he works. On some levels he communicates so well with me but on others not at all yet he seems to think he has?
I know I am grateful for this forum; I'd be lost without it.
MindWithoutWalls
Veteran
Joined: 25 Oct 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,445
Location: In the Workshop, with the Toolbox
13 Jun 2012, 12:13 pm
13 Jun 2012, 10:22 pm
MindWithoutWalls wrote:
Perhaps you'd benefit from effective use of one or more white boards and various colors of dry erase markers. Each day, you could check in with him about plans and record them on the board. They make them with permanent lines as calendars, you know. I use one as a chore chart. I use a blank one for notes to myself and personal plans. Maybe you'd like to go to the store with him to pick out one or two together and some pens in colors you like. Here are just a few of the things you can do with them:
* Record appointments
* Organize chores
* Leave messages for each other
* Make reminders for yourselves about individual activities
* Figure out stuff, such as budgeting, garden layouts, or furniture arrangements you'd like to try, so that you can discuss them before implementation, thus avoiding surprising each other with things that might not work out or that work best if they're examined properly in advance. (I'm guessing that, like the rest of us, he's not necessarily so keen on surprises.)
Leave the boards, pens, and an eraser where you'll both easily see them, so that you'll be encouraged to use them. Don't put them where the ink will be easily smudged and the writing lost. I'm sure you could work that out together, so that you're both satisfied with the location. Then, from time to time, if necessary, gently remind him to use them.
Please note, however, that this will only work if you discuss it first and if he feels he has enough say in whether or not to try it, as well as how it will be done. Again, no surprises. He'll need time to consider the idea and then a chance to think about how this will work best, if he wants to try it at all. The matter can't be forced. He'll need to figure out if this seems to him like an idea that will relieve stress and make his life more manageable. You can explain to him how it will keep him from having to worry that you'll argue about whether or not he told you something, for example, because the information will be visible once it's transmitted. He can then consider if this might be true and how much it seems this will make his life easier, versus how much trouble he thinks it will be to use such a system. Then he can make up his mind.
* Record appointments
* Organize chores
* Leave messages for each other
* Make reminders for yourselves about individual activities
* Figure out stuff, such as budgeting, garden layouts, or furniture arrangements you'd like to try, so that you can discuss them before implementation, thus avoiding surprising each other with things that might not work out or that work best if they're examined properly in advance. (I'm guessing that, like the rest of us, he's not necessarily so keen on surprises.)
Leave the boards, pens, and an eraser where you'll both easily see them, so that you'll be encouraged to use them. Don't put them where the ink will be easily smudged and the writing lost. I'm sure you could work that out together, so that you're both satisfied with the location. Then, from time to time, if necessary, gently remind him to use them.
Please note, however, that this will only work if you discuss it first and if he feels he has enough say in whether or not to try it, as well as how it will be done. Again, no surprises. He'll need time to consider the idea and then a chance to think about how this will work best, if he wants to try it at all. The matter can't be forced. He'll need to figure out if this seems to him like an idea that will relieve stress and make his life more manageable. You can explain to him how it will keep him from having to worry that you'll argue about whether or not he told you something, for example, because the information will be visible once it's transmitted. He can then consider if this might be true and how much it seems this will make his life easier, versus how much trouble he thinks it will be to use such a system. Then he can make up his mind.
Thank you! I like this idea very much and we have been working on a note system but this is much better! I think he will agree but I will definitely let it be his decision and give him time to see what he thinks of the idea. He likes the note system so I think he will like this.
