How do you handle compliments?

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Joined: 18 Feb 2012
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21 Jun 2012, 2:05 pm

I actually believe the compliment more often if it comes from a stranger who has nothing to gain, than if it comes from someone I know who might have alterior motives like cheering me up, or buttering me up.
(Paranoid, me? Who said that!?)

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MXH
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21 Jun 2012, 2:25 pm

Well considering the only people to give me compliments are ones who do it to make me feel goodand not because of honesty id say i dont take them well

Kinme
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21 Jun 2012, 2:30 pm

MXH wrote:

Well considering the only people to give me compliments are ones who do it to make me feel goodand not because of honesty id say i dont take them well

Those are the kind of people I tend to not associate with. I hate when people lie.

MXH
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21 Jun 2012, 2:45 pm

Kinme wrote:

MXH wrote:

Well considering the only people to give me compliments are ones who do it to make me feel goodand not because of honesty id say i dont take them well

Those are the kind of people I tend to not associate with. I hate when people lie.

well its mostly family. Ive not exactly had much in the way of friends. At this point in time i think i have but 1 friend.

Kinme
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21 Jun 2012, 2:57 pm

MXH wrote:

Kinme wrote:

MXH wrote:

Well considering the only people to give me compliments are ones who do it to make me feel goodand not because of honesty id say i dont take them well

Those are the kind of people I tend to not associate with. I hate when people lie.

well its mostly family. Ive not exactly had much in the way of friends. At this point in time i think i have but 1 friend.

They're better off just being honest with you. You're not the only one. I consider people on here more my friends than any of my real "friends."

IlovemyAspie
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21 Jun 2012, 2:57 pm

Quote:

I can understand this line of thinking. I don't think it's necessarily paranoia. Like I mentioned before, a lot of BS goes on. You start to question the motives behind something as benign as "I like your hair".

Quote:

Well considering the only people to give me compliments are ones who do it to make me feel goodand not because of honesty id say i dont take them well

What kind of compliments do you get? I'd hate to think everyone was lying to you. Not to say that you don't know what you're talking about.

Taybot97
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21 Jun 2012, 6:39 pm

I awkwardly stare at them for a second or two, them acknowledge I heard them. I'm not good at recieving compliments. I also don't get many, I'm sure those two facts are linked.

MXH
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21 Jun 2012, 6:44 pm

Kinme wrote:

MXH wrote:

Kinme wrote:

MXH wrote:

Well considering the only people to give me compliments are ones who do it to make me feel goodand not because of honesty id say i dont take them well

Those are the kind of people I tend to not associate with. I hate when people lie.

well its mostly family. Ive not exactly had much in the way of friends. At this point in time i think i have but 1 friend.

They're better off just being honest with you. You're not the only one. I consider people on here more my friends than any of my real "friends."

well my one friend we first met here.

IlovemyAspie
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21 Jun 2012, 8:42 pm

MXH wrote:

Kinme wrote:

MXH wrote:

Kinme wrote:

MXH wrote:

Well considering the only people to give me compliments are ones who do it to make me feel goodand not because of honesty id say i dont take them well

Those are the kind of people I tend to not associate with. I hate when people lie.

well its mostly family. Ive not exactly had much in the way of friends. At this point in time i think i have but 1 friend.

They're better off just being honest with you. You're not the only one. I consider people on here more my friends than any of my real "friends."

well my one friend we first met here.

Sometimes if you have 1 really close friend that you can trust, that's better than 3 or 4 so so friends that you are not so sure of.

Kinme
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21 Jun 2012, 10:13 pm

IlovemyAspie wrote:

MXH wrote:

Kinme wrote:

MXH wrote:

Kinme wrote:

MXH wrote:

Well considering the only people to give me compliments are ones who do it to make me feel goodand not because of honesty id say i dont take them well

Those are the kind of people I tend to not associate with. I hate when people lie.

well its mostly family. Ive not exactly had much in the way of friends. At this point in time i think i have but 1 friend.

They're better off just being honest with you. You're not the only one. I consider people on here more my friends than any of my real "friends."

well my one friend we first met here.

Sometimes if you have 1 really close friend that you can trust, that's better than 3 or 4 so so friends that you are not so sure of.

No kidding, haha. -.-... Kind of unfortunate.

Kjas
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21 Jun 2012, 11:34 pm

Quote:

If someone knew this made you uncomfortable, would it bother you if they kept doing it? I ask because for me, if I like something I’ll say it. If your shirt is cute or your hair or whatever, I feel the need to tell you. I do this quite a lot with my AS guy. I tell him he’s “super cute” or I like his shirt or his hair or whatever. He never responds to the “you’re cute” comments but always to the “I like your [insert object here]” comments. One time he did say “nah it’s not cute because…. (ye old contradiction technique)and I said “Well I think so”! So I wasn’t sure if I should slack off of the compliments or keep ‘em coming risking the chance that he’s squirming in his seat each time he reads and email or text? What would you prefer?

They always make me at least a little bit uncomfortable, so the question really becomes how much it is going to be uncomfortable? A little I can handle, but a lot becomes too overwhelming.

There have been some people who do give me compliments, but manage to do it in a very subtle way - those I can handle.

Telling him you like his shirt or hair is a lower level of being uncomfortable which he can respond to. The straight out "you're cute" comments, I have no doubt he would find more difficult to respond to because they make him more uncomfortable.

Still say whatever you want to say, but find a way to do it more subtly if you know that type of thing would usually be too much more him.

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IlovemyAspie
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22 Jun 2012, 1:20 am

Kjas wrote:

Quote:

Yeah, I suppose turning down the volume so to speak would be helpful. But at the same time still saying what I want to say. Now that I think about it, you' right about it getting to be too overwhelming. The more we talk the more I've noticed the conversation goes silent when something like that is said. Or it just gets ignored. (Another member here has helped out a great deal with that issue, Thanks! You know who you are).

You said you still have a ways to go. Are you working on how to accept compliments? Or you just have a ways to go in general?

Kjas
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22 Jun 2012, 2:17 am

I'm working on the compliments thing still. 50% of the time now I can handle it, which is much better than before.

I'm one of those people who hates not being able to do something and the resulting frustration from it usually motivates me to better myself where possible.

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Wolfheart
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22 Jun 2012, 2:36 am

BlueMax wrote:

Wolfheart wrote:

I definitely have a difficult time knowing what to say because I don't want to come off as egotistical, although I probably already do as I don't know if I am the most modest bloke.

Agreed - I really, really want to avoid coming across as a snotty, egotistical alpha-male (a trait I despise) so I'll usually (without thinking about it) minimize the compliment and say something like, "Thanks, but I'm just doing my job" or "Thanks, but I'm sure it's what any friend would do," etc.

I really should just accept it with a warm and sincere, "Hey, thanks!"

I agree, it's difficult to know what to say because you don't want to be perceived in that way, I guess a sincere thanks is the best course of action, sometimes they could be trying to open a conversation with a complement. Something like "I like your jacket" or "I like your tattoos" or a similar compliment is easier to give a response towards as it opens up conversation and can usually be a good icebreaker.

mv
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22 Jun 2012, 1:35 pm

I'm always uncomfortable and usually turn to my script, "Oh, thank you, that's very kind of you to say!" I'll try to come up with something more substantial if it's a compliment I "agree" with. For example, "You are so very beautiful" is a nice thing to hear, I guess, but beauty is subjective, and all that. That's a lot less meaningful to me than, "Wow, you put a lot of work into that and it shows" or "You are a fantastic mom!" Then there are compliments where you're not sure they're compliments. "You sure don't look {that age}!"

I used to be paranoid about motives, but I've learned to take compliments *only* as kind things that are said and not to base *anything* (any further meaning) on what was said. That's really the only way I can interact with people, with my extremely poor theory of mind.

lostgirl1986
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22 Jun 2012, 1:37 pm

I kind of feel the same way. It's almost like I feel like I don't deserve it or something. I usually just say thanks and sometimes I'll compliment them on something they have back.

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