Figuring out a girl I've met recently

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starryeyedvoyager, I have 2 questions for you:

*Are you simply using this place to blog and monologue your thoughts about this girl?
*Are you interested in any advice at all to help you work out this girl?

A fair bit of advice has been given now, and the same conclusions have been met:

*She's trying to get to know you, either as a friend or something more.
*Talking about the college work is her ice breaker, it is NOT what she wants to talk about all evening. It's just her way of getting through to you.
*This is how "normal" people instigate conversations and build friendships and relationships.

Your questions have been answered. Advice has been given. It is now the best time to decide whether or not you want to progress with this girl and if so whether or not you take the advice, and ideas on board.

Talk about the college stuff if you wish but try and keep it brief yet constructive and not about you. Also, take the gutsy move and answer her questions instead of meeting them with aggressive counter questioning. It is not good etiquette and shows a huge lack of trust for no reason. I hope this all goes well for you.

You could say I am thinking out loudly. I have taken all advice into account, but I am not that decisive when it comes to taking a new course of action. I am sorry if it appears as if I was not regarding the given advice, I am, it's just not that easy for me to execute. I will don't want to give you the impression that I am just keeping a log of everything that happens and put the burden of my indesiciveness on the people here who try to help me. Thanks again for your input.

I too wanted to give more advice, but I thought I will rather go try it out my self before I write it down. I just ended up being a jerk. But the point is in trying I guess

I guess it is like they say: The point is not to win, but to play the game, huh?

If you don't play the game, you have no chance of winning quite literally
So yes.

If not this girl, there will come a time when you know you are ready to take decisive action with another. Sometimes it's good to vent, and there's obligation to listen to anybody here but it is always best to clear the air. Glad you have, good luck again!

Yes. You must play to improve. We're cheering you on

So, after a while, I think I owe you all who helped me out an update.
I am pretty certain now that at least her interest in me is genuine beyond any advantage of knowing me could have for her when it comes to college stuff, because she has finished her paper, and we are still writing very vividly (we are talking 25ish E-mails a day) and it is usually her who starts writing me early in the morning when I get up, and she always wishes me a good night and all that in the evening, tells me when she leaves the house and when she's back home again, so I guess we are at least very friendly towards one another. We have been discussing our interests, have discovered that we indeed have alot in common, and, like I said, she seems very interested in what I was doing all day (she asks me, without exaggerating, 3 to 4 times a day, so I guess she really wants to get to know me better). The thing is, I have taken up all courage I could wind up and asked her out for coffee, and at first she agreed to it, but called it off about 30 minutes later, because she said she was still feeling sick, and didn't want to pass her cold on to me. A few days later, I asked her again, and she still said she was sick. While it seems to be true that she was sick at least during the last one and a half weeks (at least according to her FB, her mother sent her wishes to get well soon), I am getting a little uncertain again if she just wants to keep this an E-mail friendship thing. The last time, she said that she really would like to meet with me over coffe, and hoped she'd get better over this weekend... but what if this is, again, just some delaying tactics to get me to stop harrasing her about it. Could there be other reasons for her to get 100% healthy again before hooking up with me (even the "I don't want to pass you my sickness"-thing is a little... odd. How would she be doing that, I wouldn't exactly run around her and inhale her sneezes, would I?), or does she deliberately try to keep me at a distance? I don't know, I don't think I "fell in love" or anything, but I do find myself attracted to her at least to some degree, because she seems to be a really interesting and smart person, and while I am usually not the type that is all about looks... she is stunningly beautiful. Any further advice would be appreciated, since you've helped me out alot to this point.

I definitely wouldn't count on something fantastic to blossom out of your friendship, but if it does that would be great!

The fact that she is emailing you constantly back and forth is a good sign. This means she is interested in you.. If she had no interest you wouldn't be getting 1, never mind 25, emails from her in a day. I would occupy myself with other things until she asks me out again. You've offered her to go out, now it is up to her. Do you know if she has a boyfriend? I'm not recalling it in the past posts, but I have a terrible memory

Anyway, it is her move now. You've made your intentions clear (from what I've read here) and now you wait. So occupy yourself, do not get preoccupied or imagine anything great happening with her. Like they say, hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

Good luck. Please keep us updated.

Thanks for you insight on this! Like I said, I am not expecting anything to happen, but I am rather happy about a pretty woman having some kind of interest in me, so I really don't care about what happens from here on, but somehow it feels different than the times before when I was chatting and all that with a woman. Already more intimate, you know. We talk about our lives, our hobbies, and she's always so kind in saying that she finds the stuff I do cool, when really I know I am a rather boring lad. I am usually not into flattery, but it feels nice, I can't deny it.
As for the boyfriend thing, like I said in the initial post, it was one of the first things she dropped back when we've met in person two weeks ago, that she broke up with her boyfriend and he moved out of her appartment recently (and without wanting to seem like a jealous stalker or anything, I have seen her former boyfriend on old facebook pics of hers, and while I don't know if I am more attractive than him face-wise, I definitely got a much, much better body ^^).

I think Blammo's advice is best for now.

While I agree that she should be making the next move, I am not sure if she might still expect me to "run" after her. We were just writing back and forth, and she told me that she hasn't got any plans for today, and might go to a mall today to shop for some winter cloths... is that dropping the hint that she feels better again and is capable to indulge in (mutual) activity again? I mean, if she feels well enough again to go shopping, she might as well get together with me over some coffee.

Well, after giving it a thorough thought, I decided to let go on this. Not that I don't want to stay in contact or anything, but I noticed that I am starting to develope certain emotional expectations, and this can only end in me getting hurt, so I decided this is for the best. Don't know how that will influence my new found friendship with her, I would have liked it since I rarely meet anyone from college who's nice to me, but, like I said, I know how this is going to end, so I think it is for the best to just let this whole thing roll out and get back to normal. Thanks again for all your advice, though. I think I just suck at doing these things.

All I can advise is to try and keep her in your mind as a friend and that is all.

Let us know if we can give opinions or advice on anything else

I don't really know yet if I can do that. For some reason, I really feel connected to her because we share many interests and seem to have a similar personality in general, and I have let myself come to a point where I really would like to see her again, and I usually stop myself from letting that happen. At the moment, I have to admit I do feel really bad, which is ridicilous because we have met only once, and since the E-mails have become progressively less since she has finished her stuff, and she seems to want to delay meeting again, I do begin to think my first feeling that she was mainly nice to me so I could help her was right. Like I said, I would have helped her anyways, I just wished she had attmited it from the beginning and not try to get me hooked by faking interest in me. That way, it was bound to happen. I just feel like an enormous buffoon that I always want to think that if a nice, pretty woman shows interest in me is because she likes me for who I am, and not because she wants something I can give her. Again, it is not the fact that she was apparently trying to exploit me, since she isn't the only person I have helped, and I do so without expecting something in return, because that is just how I do things (and, without wanting to sound too much like a samaritarian, I think it is a way to make small changes around you, to make your little world a better place), but I am just deeply hurt because she apparently thought getting me emotionally attached to her was essential to that.
I do consider myself a rather smart guy, and yet I always fall for the same women. I know I am neither an interesting nor attractive person, but I always thought I could expect to be treated with honesty and dignity. It has been ages since I have felt so miserable, and I am really stumped at what to do now. I would really wish I could talk to her again in person and ask her if that was her intention from the beginning, just to be sure. It would really help me to know for a 100% that I was right from the beginning, in order to develope a strategy to never let someone play me like that again.

I think if it's all the same, I would ask her over email.

If she really is a user/terrible person she won't respond. If she wants to be friends she would emphatically deny.

Disclaimer: Interpret this as tough love. I feel for you, having AS can really make these kinds of situations unbelievably confusing and anxiety provoking.

Holy gentle jesus do you overanalyze everything. It’s painful to read, especially since I used to do the same thing myself and it’s just a huge waste of energy. If you’re expending that much time and mental energy thinking about a woman’s every last action, it’s almost guaranteed a relationship will not transpire because you will subcommunicate anxious and needy behaviour that will turn her off. Either that or you’ll never make a move due to analysis paralysis.

Whether she dressed up for you or just wanted to look professional, it’s a good sign either way.



It’s quite possible the paper was just a front to meet an intelligent guy. This is also a good sign.



She wants your balls.



Why? She gave you the green light, flirt with her at least. Worst thing that’ll happen is some awkwardness and you go back to talking like coworkers.



She wants your balls so bad it’s not even funny. Take a hint.



*Smashes head on wall*



Does she have to wave a neon sign over her head that says, “**** me!”?



She’s trying to ask you out on a date.



Only if she’s a sociopath, maybe.



The fact that you weren’t trying to impress her is an attractive quality. But who knows? Maybe she has a thing for guys that look the way you do, or you remind her of her father, or she’s ovulating, or her friend dared her to sleep with a guy she contacted online, or she has daddy issues and wants to tease the living **** out of someone. Sarcasm aside, who cares? She’s attracted, go for it.



The fact that you’re trying to make inferences from her facebook page shows that you’re stuck in massive analysis paralysis.

I glossed through your other posts and all I saw was that she’s continuing to throw invitations your way and you’re rejecting them all in order to further analyze the situation. So, instead of developing and aneurism wondering about every syllable of every text she sends you, ask her out on a date and see what happens.