21 Oct 2012, 9:27 am
21 Oct 2012, 10:30 am
spongy
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Joined: 17 Jul 2010
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,055
Location: Patiently waiting for the seventh wave
21 Oct 2012, 12:02 pm
Kjas
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Joined: 26 Feb 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,059
Location: the place I'm from doesn't exist anymore
21 Oct 2012, 3:13 pm
And those of us who did listen to both sides get called every name under the sun by both sides instead of just one. 
(I take your point though Spongy - and I agree with some of it)
rosemund wrote:
I've tried being mature and respectful on this forum, sharing my experiences in hopes of helping other people. The result has basically been an en masse swarm of boys, ones half my age, acting like they think women have created some form of coalition, with the agenda of denying them love and/or sex and/or relationships. I was going to attempt to post feeling items in the women's discussion section, but they just end up over there with the same talking points. Hello, we've all been kicked in the teeth by relationships and love. So at this point, I can't think of a legitimate reason to discuss these matters, when I know the responses are not going to be in the least way beneficial to anyone.
I have experienced the same thing - and I know it is only because I am a girl. That is why I said if nothing changes, it does get tiring.
I noted long ago that we have so few women posting about dating and relationships and I think it's a shame, because women are often expected to know exactly what they are doing in that department, but if you're aspie obviously you don't have that ability, and yet it's not even really being dsicussed either here or in the Women's Discussion.
J-Greens wrote:
This is a SCENARIO that I would appreciate FEMALE REPLIES ONLY, please, and yes this is real and has happened:
Mid-twenties Guy, average day at work, new colleagues first proper shift.
An African guy in thirties and a youngish girl (Because I can't tell girls ages between 16 and 30, so anywhere in between, but above 18 because of the job) is starting. She's attractive, smiling and friendly. Should I ask her out?
The day continues, without an approach and by chance the girl & I end up working as a double up crew at a job, naturally we're professional during the job, but casually chatting along being friendly, we both have pets, we both like the same bands and I feel like there's a natural connection between us. Should I ask her out?
Couple of weeks later, still no approach, we're working together on a double up again, she's chatting about her ex-boyfriend (Who she never mentioned before) is trying to get back with her, despite a difficult past with him. I advise that she needs to speak to him and make up her mind what she wants. She clearly says she doesn't want anything to do with him. Should I ask her out?
Month or so later, still no approach, she's back with ex-boyfriend and complaining all the time about how he's back in his bad old habits, but it's her birthday and she's going out on town with her mates, invites me and others from work to join in. I go along, her friends get hammered. I help out throughout the night, holding bags, lending my coat, getting water etc..end of night, girl & boyfriend both worse of wear fall out over his bad habits again. Next day we're on shift together. Should I ask her out?
By the third event, me and this girl are friends and during each shift chatted enough to know family life, education, hobbies, preferences and generally enjoy working together. At what point should I have asked her out?
Because funnily enough, I never did - always regretted it - and now she's with a new guy and pregnant, except new guy number 3 is actually treating her right and thus I won't intervene with how I felt since day one.
Mid-twenties Guy, average day at work, new colleagues first proper shift.
An African guy in thirties and a youngish girl (Because I can't tell girls ages between 16 and 30, so anywhere in between, but above 18 because of the job) is starting. She's attractive, smiling and friendly. Should I ask her out?
The day continues, without an approach and by chance the girl & I end up working as a double up crew at a job, naturally we're professional during the job, but casually chatting along being friendly, we both have pets, we both like the same bands and I feel like there's a natural connection between us. Should I ask her out?
Couple of weeks later, still no approach, we're working together on a double up again, she's chatting about her ex-boyfriend (Who she never mentioned before) is trying to get back with her, despite a difficult past with him. I advise that she needs to speak to him and make up her mind what she wants. She clearly says she doesn't want anything to do with him. Should I ask her out?
Month or so later, still no approach, she's back with ex-boyfriend and complaining all the time about how he's back in his bad old habits, but it's her birthday and she's going out on town with her mates, invites me and others from work to join in. I go along, her friends get hammered. I help out throughout the night, holding bags, lending my coat, getting water etc..end of night, girl & boyfriend both worse of wear fall out over his bad habits again. Next day we're on shift together. Should I ask her out?
By the third event, me and this girl are friends and during each shift chatted enough to know family life, education, hobbies, preferences and generally enjoy working together. At what point should I have asked her out?
Because funnily enough, I never did - always regretted it - and now she's with a new guy and pregnant, except new guy number 3 is actually treating her right and thus I won't intervene with how I felt since day one.
Personally - If I were you I would have asked her out the first time. If you want to get to know someone, then just take the chance.
Working together is all well and good, but like you have noted, it doesn't give you the same opportunities that asking her out would have - it also means that she is more comfortable with you and the longer you work together without making a move, the more she assumes you are not interested and would be more surprised the later you were to leave it.
The fact that you still regret it now probably means you would have been better off simply asking her for coffee at the end of your work day and then if you both enjoyed yourselves, asking to see her again another time to get to know each other better, and exchange numbers. That's a situation that allows you to ask her out, but in a very low pressure way that is non-threatening - and if she has already spend a short amount of time around you outside work and enjoyed it (e.g. the coffee), she is more likely to say yes to a date.
Last edited by Kjas on 21 Oct 2012, 3:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
21 Oct 2012, 3:20 pm
MXH
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Joined: 28 Jul 2010
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,057
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
21 Oct 2012, 3:22 pm
21 Oct 2012, 3:40 pm
DialAForAwesome
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Joined: 4 Oct 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,189
Location: That place with the thing
21 Oct 2012, 4:58 pm
21 Oct 2012, 5:21 pm
21 Oct 2012, 5:29 pm
Kjas wrote:
Personally - If I were you I would have asked her out the first time. If you want to get to know someone, then just take the chance.
Working together is all well and good, but like you have noted, it doesn't give you the same opportunities that asking her out would have - it also means that she is more comfortable with you and the longer you work together without making a move, the more she assumes you are not interested and would be more surprised the later you were to leave it.
The fact that you still regret it now probably means you would have been better off simply asking her for coffee at the end of your work day and then if you both enjoyed yourselves, asking to see her again another time to get to know each other better, and exchange numbers. That's a situation that allows you to ask her out, but in a very low pressure way that is non-threatening - and if she has already spend a short amount of time around you outside work and enjoyed it (e.g. the coffee), she is more likely to say yes to a date.
Working together is all well and good, but like you have noted, it doesn't give you the same opportunities that asking her out would have - it also means that she is more comfortable with you and the longer you work together without making a move, the more she assumes you are not interested and would be more surprised the later you were to leave it.
The fact that you still regret it now probably means you would have been better off simply asking her for coffee at the end of your work day and then if you both enjoyed yourselves, asking to see her again another time to get to know each other better, and exchange numbers. That's a situation that allows you to ask her out, but in a very low pressure way that is non-threatening - and if she has already spend a short amount of time around you outside work and enjoyed it (e.g. the coffee), she is more likely to say yes to a date.
Here's the thing though:
I felt like I wanted to ask her out on the first opportunity, but it's her first day - didn't want to pressure her, or come off as too-fast-too-needy type, or upset her into a uncomfortable workplace. Almost every workplace romance I have ever read rarely turns out well. Then there's all the female-led "advice" on whether or not to ask out, and almost every single one said that it should be avoided - creeps and pressure and all that. So I follow the general rule of advice that girls & women write up and end up with another regret and no relationship.
The part that is most frustrating, was that I advised her to go and speak with the ex-boyfriend to clear the air and thus start fresh, which was when I was going to ask her out, she goes with all the "I'm over him" and then goes back to him for the next nine months, regretting it.
The part I didn't add in - was that the ex-boyfriend just so happened to be, my best mate's younger brother...
Kjas
Veteran
Joined: 26 Feb 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,059
Location: the place I'm from doesn't exist anymore
21 Oct 2012, 11:42 pm
22 Oct 2012, 4:41 am
22 Oct 2012, 4:48 am
Welcome to WP
22 Oct 2012, 5:34 am
blue_bean wrote:
Welcome to WP
Yeah.
Something tells me I won't be staying around long. People here can repel women like nowhere I've seen before. 
22 Oct 2012, 7:04 am
22 Oct 2012, 10:39 am
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