13 Nov 2012, 7:11 pm
aspiesandra27 wrote:
Cuckooflower, I feel for you. As a woman with AS, dating a man with AS, I totally empathise. What I have learned with this relationship, if anything, if that Aspie men can sometimes say one thing, think they mean it, and then realise within given time, that they actually feel differently. Let me explain. I, for most of the times I ask him for something (whether it's a reply to a question or a suggestion in doing something new) is a blunt "NO". I used to get very offended and knowing how angry I get with rejection, this was a very dangerous relationship. After reading Rudy Simone's books (all of them on AS are excellent) I learnt a lot, not only about him, but about myself and how to improve our relationship. I now know, that his "NO" could very possibly change if I just let him be, not show overtly signs of emotional distress and give him time to think it over. It's not easy. You sometimes can feel you are the only one working towards improving the relationship, and feel like giving up. You are most entitled to, if you think the cons are superior to the pros. However, I have seen improvements, only just, but after one year! It's like drawing blood from a stone.I have learned that telling him I want us "to talk" will immediately put his defences up, however if I just slip the important stuff into conversation and not show I am that affected, it normally has a different result. In so many ways. Aspie men are like children. I dont want to bore everyone to death with my opinion, but I can safely say I have had the experience of a lifetime with this man. I have been "that" close to giving up, down in the gutter and felt like the worse piece of poop in the world. I know he has lied, and that he has avoided many of my questions that I still want answers to. But I also know, he makes me feel very happy and I see progress, albeit very, very slow progress.
If you ever need to talk, PM me, I am always here for you. x
If you ever need to talk, PM me, I am always here for you. x
Thank you. I appreciate the moral support. And this rings very true to his behaviour. What I basically deduced from time spent with him was that he wasn't able to express deep emotions in the normal way; and I know men are known to be worse at this than women anyway, but it was more than that.
All I know is that when we were very close, I felt loved at the time.
It may be worth mentioning that this guy is eleven years older than me. The cards are stacked in his favour; he has more experience than me. This is one reason I'm especially anxious about the situation.
I agree about the childishness. Have you found that your man sometimes comes out with a really childish, defensive voice tone when he's feeling especially overwhelmed or impinged?? Do you know what I mean??
Thank you for giving me a better understanding. I may well PM you yet! Thank you for the offer
And I'm happy for you that your relationship is working out; keep working on him!
13 Nov 2012, 7:17 pm
14 Nov 2012, 3:55 pm
"I agree about the childishness. Have you found that your man sometimes comes out with a really childish, defensive voice tone when he's feeling especially overwhelmed or impinged?? Do you know what I mean?? "
Yes, I do. He often does that. He reminds of a little boy being told off at school, although I won't be telling him off myself. But, I can be that way myself 
