why can't more women be like my ex gf

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Why don't we all just become lazy asses then?

Not understanding social rules doesn't excuse laziness and letting somebody else carry all the weight.

The OP says she left a long time ago.

How has he been surviving since then? Has somebody else been doing it all for him? I highly doubt it.

This is why I don't like letting my partner doing everything for me and paying for everything. I would get mad at my husband if he always wanted to pay or buy me stuff. Now that we are married, it doesn't matter. We share the same bank account.

Letting someone always pay for everything feels like you are taking advantage of them and then they go on thinking you are using them when the solution is to quit paying for everything and buying them stuff and if they stay, then you know they are not using you.

What he wrote in his posts was that she did everything, and that he liked it that way. He didn't indicate that the reason she did everything was because he left her no choice; in fact he suggested it was her preference to be in charge. I'm just suggesting that it's at least possible that she really does prefer it that way -- some people do. Most of the replies were suggesting that he was mistaken in believing that (which is also possible -- but it's not the only explanation).

Yes, she's gone, but not necessarily because she was making all the decisions -- maybe as the original poster suggests she actually did leave for a different reason.

Sorry OP, it strongly indicates that she left you because you are too passive. Passive men in a sense are far too agreeable in nature and this makes it difficult to keep attraction going. Maybe saying no to her every once in a while and coming up with the plans on your own on occasion to show your appreciation for her would have worked better (regardless of who pays). Simply put, it sounds as if the attraction was gone for those reasons and it also didn't help since you also stated that you were incapable of telling her how you felt. It sucks being too hung up on something that happend about 5 years ago. As hard as it is, get over it, improve yourself and move on.

I should also point out that I sometimes at points don't know how to keep attraction going with some women myself. Part of that has to do with me, and the other part has to do with the fact that not all women are the same and attraction must be mutual in order for something to get started.

I'm sorry, but I honestly do not think you are reading his posts carefully enough. There is clear indication that the fact that he is too passive is exactly the reason she left. It's even right in his reply to MCalavera who specifically asked what it was that he "f'd" up on.

All but perhaps two or three users have picked up on this, because it really is that obvious.



He outright admits that he didn't bother to carry the weight financially or as far as basic work around the house, decision making etc. in the first post, then adds the above as the the "f" up. What he's outlined above is just more passivity, which he himself is saying is the real reason she left.

What more is needed to show it's his own fault, and it actually is his passivity and lack of responsibility?

I didn't say anything about whether it was his fault. But what he describes in the part you quoted here is more about communication and possibly other behavioural issues. It looks to me like he's saying she left because he didn't communicate his feelings to her, and brushed her off or acted immaturely whenever she addressed it. That may well have been his fault, and may have been irresponsible - but it's a different issue from being too passive and leaving her to make all the decisions.

I did see the things you're pointing to in his responses, but I don't see how they prove that his passivity, and not another issue, was why she left. Maybe it was his passivity -- but I thought it was unfortunate that so few people considered any other possibility, since it's not the only reasonable explanation. And he did say she voluntarily played the role of decision maker (and I've personally had plenty of experience with people who not only like that role, but insist on it, and get more upset about not having total control than they do about having to make decisions.).

Those are the reasons he gave as to why she left, they are all things he says he did not do.

You don't see that as passivity? They are passive behaviors. Things one doesn't do in a relationship, particularly things that in retrospect you know you should have done, but didn't, are passivity.

He gave them as reasons she left. They are passive behaviors.

IOW, his passivity is why she left. He's saying so himself.

It's important to point out, based on what the OP said, that she left him not because she was always leading the way in all aspects of the relationship but because she didn't feel appreciated and loved by him. Had he shown her some appreciation and acknowledgement, she would've still been with him.

Again, I say this only based on what the OP said.

And there is a connection between the two, which is what most here are trying to get him to see.

If one person is doing all the work in the relationship, they aren't going to feel appreciated.

Both his lack of acknowledgment/appreciation, and his lack of leading the way, are linked to his passive nature. It's not really that hard to see. They are not mutually exclusive.

people. She did not care if she did everything. In fact it never cross her mind. my ex gf was not like other women.
I never force her to do anything. She WILLING did all them thing I said. I have to go, but I will explain more about her later.

But they are still two different things.

Billiscool, I don't think anyone is saying you forced her to do anything. I don't think anyone is arguing that she did it all willingly.

I'm sure she did do it all willingly. But when you're with somebody who isn't doing anything, not carrying their weight, not making decisions, not expressing any appreciation for what their partner is doing, that IS passive behavior. Trust us. No one likes to carry all the physical, financial and emotional burden in a relationship, especially if they're also not being shown any appreciation for all their efforts.

It's draining! It sucks the life out of the person putting all the effort in.

That's what you aren't understanding. She was drained! She had nothing left to give so she left.

You seem to want some other explanation for this, that doesn't require you to change. The way you described your relationship is NOT a healthy relationship. It's good that you admit that it was your own fault, but you're never going to be able to correct that fault if you can't admit what it is to begin with.

If you can't accept that, nobody can help you. I'm sorry you're hurting, but you have to be the one to see what was really wrong with your relationship with her if you want to get involved with another, but a healthy one next time.

Try going out and dating, telling all your dates that you want a relationship just like the one you had with her, then describe it to them. See how many second dates you get.

The title of your post was "Why can't more women be like my ex girlfriend?" Well, here's the most succinct answer I can give you:

Because most women do not like being used.

It's pretty simple actually.

Apples and fruit are two different things. One is still a type of the other.

The behaviors are passive. It's the passivity that's the problem so they are BOTH the problem.

I see it this way:

Even though apples and oranges are both fruits, they are still two different things.

She did not leave him because she realized she didn't want to do any leading anymore. She left because she didn't feel appreciated.

Right....

And why didn't she feel appreciated?

Because he didn't tell/show her he loved her as per the OP.

It's not because she got tired of leading.