confessions of a former Nice Guy(tm)

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Ok, how do you think that it's manipulative?

acting nice just so someone feels they owe you a relationship or sex isnt being manipulative?

No, it is - I jumped to the conclusion that you were saying that women who have men they consider to be friends are manipulative. Sorry.

those are also manipulative if they see through the BS (which isnt hard to) yet play along for the benefits. Ive met many women that tried this on me.

I think a person has to be better at interpreting subtexts than the average aspie to parse motives down to that many levels. I generally tend to think that people mean what they say.

ive found myself to be good at that sort of thing. A mixture of purposely trying to learn social interaction from an early age and of being surrounded by people trying to use me. I can spot users from 20 feet away just by how they prepare to approach a target. Be it both men and women users

Wow. That's a talent I really wish that I had.

I think a person has to be better at interpreting subtexts than the average aspie to parse motives down to that many levels. I generally tend to think that people mean what they say.

If you're not happy with yourself, how can you ever expect women to be happy with you?

The reality is that you can feel justified in your self-pity all you want, but if you want to see yourself as successful it all starts with building self-confidence. The lack of it is pretty unappealing and generally seen as toxic. Much of it is this idea that having a girlfriend is this prize, the apex of achievement that you really want but can't have because of your own deficiencies.

Believe it or not, there's as many women out there as there are men. I do believe that the majority of women(not the really popular ones, not the losers) are just normal people who look for the same qualities in men that you would want in a woman, except that they've learned lessons early on that it's better to be single than to be in a toxic relationship. I imagine this is probably because of social conventions, they've already been asked out at some point in time and had to deal with these issues early on, as well as having the lessons passed down from other females in their life. Us guys don't normally have that luxury if we're too shy to take the risk of getting rejected or don't get a lot of interest. This leads us to see a relationship as a major life accomplishment because it's so pervasive, which leads to getting into the first relationship you can(and because of the 50/50 ratio of men to women, it isn't impossible if you're at all social, even in a limited sense).

So you know what happens then? You start learning the lessons that women have learned much earlier. You have a really bad relationship, and you realize it's better to be single. So congrats, you've finally learned the hard way. Then you start making a list of the traits you want out of a woman, and when you compare that to what women want you might actually find a lot of similarities. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why.

Want a shortcut? My suggestion is to try to befriend a woman or two with every expectation of keeping your relationship platonic. You can even do this online, it doesn't have to be someone who lives nearby. Talk to them about relationships and all these other things on a "friend" level, you might actually gain some insight that you can use to find a woman you'd be happy with. You might also learn a few things about improving yourself to make yourself happier and more confident. If you're too shy or not social enough to do this, I guess you know what you need to work on first.

It's a trait Aspers are capable of learning. I grew up in the hood where people would try to exploit someone like me at every turn. You quickly learn cunning under such circumstances.